Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Top Ten Cowboy’s Next Coach Candidates

Calling for New Coach in Dallas

Every fuuurrrrricking year for the past umpteen years the Dallas    Cowboys football team has been average at best and really sucky at worst!!  Coach Howdy Doody looks totally clueless and has the    personality of a sloth on acid!!Time to make a change Jerry!!  Here are a few suggestions from Faked Out Sports for your next coach!!
  1. Barry Switzer, he is younger than Bill Snyder!!
  2. Lincoln Riley, would look good in Cowboy blue!!  He is numero uno pick!!
  3. Mike Leach, best one-liners in college football!
  4. Les Miles,  he has beaten Alabama! 
  5. Mike Vrabel, Tennessee Titans, very hot commodity and great with the players, but stern!!
  6. John DeFilippo, Offensive Coordinator Vikings, likes Italian food!!
  7. Robert Saleh, Defensive Coordinator 49ers, long shot!!
  8. Dabo Swinney, Clemson, greatest name in the history of coaching names!
  9. Any of the four Tulsa area High School Stud Coaches at Union, Owasso, Jenks or Broken Arrow!!  David Alexander of Broken Arrow and former INFC 5th grade coach of the year seems to be the front runner!! 
  10. Bob Stoops, Jerry Jones is having him and his wife over for some home cooking by their kitchen staff!
Long shot----- a young Cliff Kingsbury!!

Faked Out College Picks! 

Oklahoma 48 Oklahoma State 28
Bedlam is not nearly as Bedlamish as usual thanks to OU’s advantage at Quarterback!!  Both defenses combined, cannot stop any in-state NAIA, or Junior College offenses!!!  The OSU and OU cheerleaders had a cheer-off to the Drake challenge KeKe!!!  The Sooner female students started singing the song to ex Sooner wide-out DeDe Westbrook!!  ‘DeDe do you love me, thinking of me,’?!

Memphis 33 Tulsa  31
Road trips to Memphis are always eventful and the Tigers may have found another way to show TU how to lose a last-minute battle!

LSU  42  Arkansas 30
Coach Ed is looking good for National Coach of the Year!!  If LSU wins out he should be a lock as long as he doesn't have to speak!!  His voice can make babies cry and toddlers run!!

Texas Tech 42  Texas 34
Coach Kingsbury also known as Coach 9-lives seems to pull rabbits out of a magicians hat and move them straight to the starting Quarterback at Texas Tech!!  Numerous Big 12 teams seem to have no problem making QB changes and possibly using a Freshman or a Grad Transfer while some coaches are afraid to go out on a limb and make a switch!!  Coach Mullet???

West Virginia 45 TCU 27
TCU is trending towards a Poinsettia Hydra-lift Bowl in Billings, Montana!!  West Virginia Quarterback Will Grier is pretty cocky, his Heisman candidacy cannot be carried by his good looks alone!!  TCU coach Patterson is the new Tasmanian Devil, replacing ex-TU coach Todd Graham!!  When the 5’8” 230 pounds Patterson’s face turns red and he slams his headphones on the football turf it usually means that a player or a coordinator is about to get an earful jack shittocci mushrooms!!

Texas A&M 38 Ole Miss 31
The Aggies are working on a nice season under coach Jimbo Fisher!!

Nebraska 34 Illinois 24
Nebraska coach Frosted is no longer on the coaching lukewarm seat, with a couple of wins!!  Lovie Smith is feeling the heat so much that he has bought a moving company in Champaign to assist in his move back to the Mapleridge area of Tulsa a la Coach Pat Jones!!

Alabama 44 Mississippi State 31
Mississippi State Bulldogs kept somewhat close to the Alabama until the Tide’s defense started to dominate the line of scrimmage!!  Sour puss Saban even cracked a smile when their 5th sack was recorded in the third quarter!!

Georgia 42  Auburn 34
Georgia seems to have the Auburn Tigers number!  Coach Malzhan’s fly sweep, triple reverse, and hidden man gimmick plays are starting to backfire on he and his 70 million dollar contract!!

Washington State 45  Colorado 38
An improved Colorado Buffalo team puts a scare into Leach’s Cougar team but they prevail in the end thanks to their QB, 6th year Senior Gardner Minshew!!

***************Upset Special************
Michigan State 34  Ohio State 27
The Spartans snuck up on the Buckeyes and won a decisive Big Ten game!!  Coach Meyer is heading towards a two-year sabbatical after a season of high drama and losses!!

Penn State 34 Wisconsin 31
Wisconsin has a Freshman Right Tackle that is 6’9” and weighs 407 pounds soaking wet!!  He has not played yet but had a lot of fans in the Badger student section!!  Numerous female students have befriended him to keep the creepy looking fraternity dudes away!!! 

B, in T

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Carnac the Magnificent!

The Tonight Show
The late great Ed McMahon:  ”Pumpkin Poo Poo”
The late great Carnac the Magnificent:  ”What you look for when searching Oklahoma for the PUMPKIN MAN”!!!

Till next year you orange bastard!!

Fake NFL Picks

Chiefs 38  Browns 24
QB dual at the OK Corral in Cleveland!!  Both gunslingers Mahomes and Mayfield shot many bullets to their receivers and the Chiefs ended up standing alone at the OK Corral, Wyatt Earp style!!!  Mahomes and Mayfield later went to dinner to talk about the good old days at Texas Tech!!  They both lit a stogie and smiled!!  Are stogies brown or white?  👀

Steelers 28  Ravens 27
Steelers win a huge game on the road!!  Baltimore defense is tough but Rothlinsdoublebeefburger is on target for 3 touchdown passes!!  Doublebeef was 40 for 70 for 412 yards and 3 TDs and 1 interception!

Cowboys 34  Titans 13. Monday Night
The Cowboys have numerous flaws but not as many as the Titans!!  The Cowboy defense stepped up a couple of notches and are now acting like an NFL defense!!

Some words of wisdom from the Faked Out Sports Library!
”Never bring jalapeno-laced beans to a weekend football campfire retreat with a bunch of male 60-year-old farts!!”

Have a super sports weekend!!

B in T
B, in T

Monday, October 29, 2018

Another Billion Bucks to the OKState Program?

OSU Football fans are ready for basketball
With the Oklahoma State Football team headed for a 6-6 season, and mullet Gundy making a million bucks a win, will T Boone put another billion in the program to get better recruits???  Maybe paint the field orange, maybe have Gundy shave his head or even recruit some 4 and 5-star recruits!!  Hopefully, the recruiting geniuses at Stillwater will have the leading edge on some new technologies to help them recruit a local lefthanded QB from Stillwater with the same last name of coach Gundy.  His son Gunner!!!  Sign his butt.......SOON!!

Faked Out College Picks!!

Oklahoma 56  Texas Tech 42
Two offensive minded coaching geniuses who can wear skinny jeans  and and woo any women of any school are to meet in Lubbock!!  Heisman hopeful Murray is on fire and his stats are looking Heisman-ish!!  OU Coach Riley has the offense purring like a kitten but his defense tackles like my grandson's 2nd-grade football team, which plays flag!!!👀👀

Tulsa 35  UConn 10
Tulsa is scrambling to get wins andUConn is scrambling to get more NAIA schools on its schedule!!  Seth Boomer who should have been TU’s quarterback sooner if I’m not a gooner throws 3 touchdowns as TU wins its 3rd game!!  Miniture goal post were torn down in B in T’s front yard as grandkids Gus, Ana, and Frankie threw blue and gold toilet paper in celebration of beating last years win total!!  

Oklahoma State 45  Baylor 37
Okie State seems to play better on the road than in the friendly confines of T Boone World!!!  The Poulan Weedeater Bowl in Hooterville, Va., has offered Oklahoma State a bid if they stay within thirty points of OU!!  Pistol Pete was wrestling the Baylor Bear Mascott and Petey pulled a groin muscle and had to be taken off the field in an ambulance!!  This made ESPN top 10!!!

West Virginia 41  Texas  33
West Virginia’s defense is really good at slowing down teams but not stopping them!!  Mathew Maconahey was hanging with some Longhorn cheerleaders that could remember all of his movies including Wedding Crashers!!  Right??

Texas A&M  44  Auburn  41
Aggies are primed for a run at the national spotlight with Jimbo Fisher talent in 2019!!  This school will start hints of this by starting with a Fake Out Sports upset alert over Auburn and Coach Calzone 5 dollar special!!   Coach Calzone of Auburn signed a 70 million dollar contract, in thanks to the muckety mucks he now has 4 losses!!  No backs and no takes to THAT contract!!  Have fun Auburn Tigers!!

Iowa 27  Purdue 24
Iowa barely beats an undersized and outmanned Purdue team!!  The Hawkeyes opened of their offense by trying two long passes!!  One of the passes hit Hawky the Mascot and the other hit an owl which was not injured!!

*************Upset Special**************
Kentucky 27  Georgia 25
Kentucky Coach Mark Stoops was so happy after the win that he called his recently fired brother Mike and offered him a Defensive Analyst position with Kentucky!!  He then recanted the offer the next day!!  Sorry, Mike!

Alabama 38  LSU 20
Coach Saban and Coach Ed Ogorange have a stare down before the game with the first gruff old fart to smile loses the coin flip!!  Nothing was decided as dozens of veins were protruding and the stare down became life threatening!!  ’Bama wins and wants to play some real competition, the Saints!!??

Washington 34  Stanford 27
Stanford brainiacs have too many pre-med majors to take football serious this year!!  But superstar running back, Love can run for 150 yards, study, perform surgery and sign a NFL contract all in one day!!  But can't beat Washington this weekend!!

Washington State 41  California 31
Coach Leach calls the Cal Bears a bunch of pretty boys that smoke fatties and eat Nachos instead of weightlifting!!  Upon hearing of the comments from Coach Leach, Cal Coach Wilcox invited him over for a fatty party!!

Michigan 27  Penn State 26
Michigan’s defense is so dang tough that numerous NFL coaches are asking Coach Harbaugh about his defensive scheme!?!?  Coach Khaki then responded, ’What scheme?!’, ’I just hired the right dude to be the dude to make the defensive calls!’ Next question?

Northwestern 34  Notre Dame 29
Notre Dame welcome to the real world, and a two losses will not get you in the final four or final eight!
B, in T

Sunday, October 28, 2018

College Basketball Scandals and FBI has an Office in the Kansas Athletic Department!

NCAA Basketball and FBI Scandals
Addidas college basketball scandals are starting to pop up like zits on my youngest son!!  Billy Preston ex-recruit of Kansas is playing basketball in Siberia after his mom received 90k and a jacked up Escalade with pink rims!!!  The Louisville basketball program needs an exorcism from a high priest to rid the entire program from the Pitino demon!!!  The FBI training school at Quantico, Virginia has added a new building to teach FBI junior agents how to deal with shoe companies, agents, parents with new homes and other college basketball tricks to out-think the FBI!!

Kansas on Hot Seat!
Kansas University blue blood basketball fans are pretty constipated regarding FBI Investigators that keep bringing up Coach Billy Self’s name with money, Adidas and recruit DeSilva!!!  Other terms in the FBI report, were: give the money to the Addidas dude then have him give it to the tall dude; why is your face so red Bill?; Also heard: If we take the FBI gentlemen out to an expensive steakhouse and hand each investigator a key to a 2019 Infinity Q50 will this crap all go away?; and finally, KU trustees have agreed to turn the KU football team over to the FBI for immunity for the KU basketball team!!

Faked Out Sports Prep Picks

Union 47  Edmond North 13
Union QB Peyton Thompson picks the Edmond North defense apart for three hundred and twenty-five yards!  Taylor offers him a LOI afterwards!!

McAlester 36 Bishop Kelley 33
Upset special as the McAlester Buffalos upset BK with a field goal in over time!!
Tonkawa 45  Hominy 36
The Bucks try to ruin the Buccaneers Senior night!!  Superstud all-purpose back Simeon scored 4 touchdowns and played the flute at halftime!!  He is being recruited by Southeastern State, Northeastern State, NEO and Panhandle State as a football player and flutist!!  Very talented young man!!

Cascia Hall 36 Inola 34
The Longhorns gave the Commandos all they wanted and more!!  Senior Night at Cascia was beautiful and all the parents were so proud of their little angel football players, equipment managers, cheerleaders and Bulldog the mascot, was the Valedictorian!!!

Tuttle 42 Cushing 31
Tuttle Tigers are a dominant team in the district and kept Cushing Tigers at bay for the whole game!  B and T did a lot of long distance consoling with his two nephews after the hard-fought loss!!  I told them the truth, Tuttle cheated and had our playbook, and I told the Cushing moms that their bake sale was not that good!!  Very devastating!!

Bixby 38  Muskogee 28
Muskogee Roughers are rough but the Bixby Spartans are tough!!   Bixby O Line once closed down a Western Sizzler slaughterhouse in Liberty Mounds causing a beef shortage in Northeast Oklahoma!!  The NASDAQ price of beef crashed the next day!!

Owasso 52  Putman City North 13
Rams are playing solid football and are the super sleeper pick of Faked Out Sports!!

Broken Arrow 58  Enid 21
The Tigers are looking at an undefeated season!!  Faked Out Sports is projecting them 4th in the West Division of Conference USA!!

Wagoner 42  Cleveland 17
Wagoner broke their seventy seven-game winning streaks and churches the next Sunday were packed with people praying for another winning streak to begin again!!  The church coffers were aplenty!!

Jenks 47  Westmoore 6
Jenks Trojans are looking past Westmoore and excited about their team pizza party where they are trying to beat the Guinness World Record for most cheese pizzas eaten in two hours!!  Mazios sponsored this feat and prepared 715 medium pizzas to break the record held by the Armenian arm wrestlers in 2010!!
B, in T

Monday, October 22, 2018

Jeepers Creepers vs Coach Saban

Faked Out Sports Pop Quiz! Halloween season is here so Faked Out Sports would like to ask the question who is scarier Alabama's Coach Grumpy Nick Saban after a big game loss or the ugly creature on on Jeepers Creepers 1, 2, and 3???       Votes are 598 Grumpy
                                                                         579 Creeper dude 

We Need Gary Gibbs Butt in Norman!
Why is Gary Gibbs at Oklahoma State as a Defensive Analyst and ignored by OU when inquiring about similar position?!?!
Sure would be nice to have his butt with the Sooners!  He is not doing didly for the OSU defense!!

Faked Out Sports College Picks!

Tulsa 38 Tulane 35
Tulane marched over TU last year like the ‘Cane were a middle school team!  Coach
Montgomery says this is not a revenge game!!  Coach B in T says wrong, ‘by the book breath.’  Tulsa will have smoke coming out the ears spelling revenge!!!  A group of Senior Hurricane Club members have joined a Witch and Warlock group and have concocted a spell over the Tulane Green Wave that can give the visitors the runs during the game!!  Before the game, the spell was executed by several of the Senior Golden Hurricane Club members, but the spell was diverted by some members and ended springing out on the member pre-game party at the Wild Fork at Utica Square!!  Numerous Senior Hurricane members had to change their blue and gold pants before game time!!!  Never mess with spells around Halloween!!

Oklahoma 47 Kansas State 27
Kansas State is playing hard to avoid their worst record in twenty years!!  Oklahoma is trying to secure a New Year’s Day Bowl and mainly just dreaming about a final four birth!  Coach Snyder was calling plays from a wheel chair while yelling at his son to get him some Metamucil!!  Coach Lincoln Continental was pondering how to get a new defensive coordinator without hurting his friend Ruffin McNeil?!?!  Thoughts of influenza, arsenic, hiding his blood pressure medicine, and finally a trip hunting, have all crossed Coach Riley’s mind!

OSU  38   Texas  31
T Boone will raise Mike Gundy’s salary 500k a year if the football club runs the table winning its remaining game!!  One loss and no raise and he will not allow his stud left-handed QB son, Gunner to play at OSU!!  Numerous Texas fans were seen crying after the game because of the possibility that they will NOT be in the final four!!  Five hundred Grieve Counselors were sent to Austin!!

Arkansas 31 Vanderbilt 23
Arkansas has found a couple of teams they can play with and defeat on the football field in Tulsa and Vanderbilt!!
This would not be the result in an academic bowl though!!

Mississippi State 30 Texas A&M 24
Bulldogs hold off 4th quarter drive by the Aggies at the 1-yard line as gig-em fans are gigged by the Bulldogs!!  

Iowa St 38 Texas Tech 34
Cyclones have found a QB and their defense holds Tech to under thirty-five points!!  Coach KingsDreamy is starting to get his resume updated and searching for more modeling gigs with Saks!!

Stanford 42  Washington State 38
Coach Leach did not have a lot of humor to recite after a hard-fought loss!!  He did quote some Hee Haw sayings and songs regarding his defense!!  Like ”Where or where are you tonight”?

Penn State 18 Iowa 17
Great slobber knocker of a game with both teams equally boring with no offense to be seen!!  

Wisconsin 27 Northwestern 18
The Badgers are powered by their massive O-line which averages 350 lbs a head on the cattle scale!!  The Badger O-line including back-ups, redshirts and greyshirts, were having an eating function, and restaurants in the Madison area started to mysteriously closed down!!!   A large family farm outside of Madison offered to feed the Badgers O-line with freshly slaughtered meat ready and waiting for the hungry young men!!

B, in T