Never Text and Drink per AARP

 

Faked Out Sports/ Bryan in Tulsa

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FOS Notes:

FOS Note to self:  According to my AARP newsletter, you should never drink, text, and walk at the same time!!  

FOS Elf on the Shelf

 - Evidently the Elf on the Shelf in the Tulsa area has hoarded all the PS5s and is selling the games on the grey market for 800 bucks at different locations in the Tulsa area!!  The first location for the greedy Elf was at The Tulsa Hills Chewys Mexican food restaurant parking lot!!  The Elf brought security but using midget Elves as security really is not cool!!  Numerous fights broke out between deranged Karen Moms and overtook the Elf security dudes!!  It was truly a hideous sight!!  Scary!! 

☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️☃️

FOS Top 10 Christmas 🎄 Items that drive you batty:  Ba Humbug stuff!

1. Auto commercial where the DINC (dual income no children) wife picks the GMC truck
   and leaves the DINC husband with the SUV with bucket seats!!
2. Andy Williams singing ’It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ during a pandemic!!  But Branson is beautiful at Christmas!!
   
3. Target commercials where all their Christmas folks are happy, young, and skinny enough to fit into their clothing!!!  I have never seen any 2XL + big dudes in their frickin Christmas commercials!!
4. Christmas Fruit 🍑 Cake gifts!  Hand out Jami’s famous Christmas brownies as a gift instead!!
5. Young yuppies and old farts wearing mink coats when it is 70 degrees outside!!
6. The Christmas Story- never really liked the story when I was young and was never watched by my kids!!  Might be better if the kid, I think named Maury, had his tongue ripped out by the frozen pole!!  Then we could have a new Halloween Special called The Christmas Horror Story!!
7. I would love to see a Pandemic Lifetime Christmas show where everyone wore masks
   
   and there wasn't and mushy kissing stuff!!  Mrs. B in T would still watch and boohoo!!  The current Lifetime Christmas shows give me indigestion!!
8. The giant blow-up yard decorations are becoming very scary to young toddlers and can be dangerous if congested!!  Watch out Charlotte, Ana, Frankie, Gus, and Rosie, Papa has a giant snowman in the front yard!!
9. Stretch Christmas Limos with with DINC, yuppies, and millennials drunk on cheap champagne can be annoying!!  And I am very jealous!
10. The holidays mean that around the corner there will be another mother chicken Opra diet that thousands of the Opra army will buy and gain 10 pounds!!  

FOS Notes to self:

One Egg nog with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum, two Mimosas, and a brownie makes for a very fun Thanksgiving during a pandemic!!  This leads to a super nap!!  Christmas dinner should be awesome!!

FOS Pandemic Bowl Projections:

(NOTE:  numerous changes to bowl sponsorships due to Coronavirus)

1. Tulsa vs Iowa State- in the Cilas Implant Bowl!!  Gifts- each player receives one implant!!
2. Kansas State vs Memphis - in the Ghost Pepper Laxative Bowl- Gifts- each player receives cleansing and a flushing!!
3. Texas vs Liberty - Cannabis Frito Munchies Bowl - Reports are leaking out that the teams will exchange coaches after the game!!  Gifts- each player receives 1 bag and 1 bag only of special Fritos!!
4. Arkansas vs Coastal Carolina - Tyson Turkey Hot Links Bowl Gifts- each player receives a lifetime supply of hot links!!
5. Texas A&M vs  Alabama - Grump Old Coaches Bowl 
6. Oklahoma vs Notre Dame - Alpo Dog Treats Bowl
7. Oklahoma State vs SMU - AON Remington Rifle Alamo Bowl  
8. Illinois vs Bixby - Bixby Green Corn Bowl -  moved to Bixby, Oklahoma from Fargo, North Dakota due to widespread Coronavirus in the Dakotas!!  Also to save Coach Lovie’s job!!
9. Tulane vs Louisiana -  Hurricane Bowl - ( sponsor is Ron Bacardi )
10. Ohio State vs Clemson - Progressive Championship Bowl - Moved back till April 1st, 2021 due to Coronavirus

Guest Ghost Writer

 

Thanksgiving - Football 

It has been a tough Thanksgiving year, especially for me, and you and Trump anddoctors

and the President –elect and my family and me and well, everyone. I needed

Thanksgiving and the football it generates. I knew the Chiefs played a “late” game on Sunday so I didn’t care who played the “early” games. It’s Thanksgiving. I’ll be home alone with Scout, my dog. Until, it was time to start smoking… the grill! What? You don’t think I grew up? That’s when Thanksgiving really started. Texans VS Lions reminded me of two teams reminding us why they are 4-7! Next up? Fake Indians VS Cowboys. This game left me praying no more Cowboys would end up on the IR! Please,

let there be night. No NFL. I think it was supposed to be Florida State VS Nobody U. Protocols! Protocols are why I’m with Scout this Thanksgiving. Don’t want to expose the grandkids!!! Go to school you dip sticksJ. Build up some tolerance. Rub some dirt on that snotty nose! Bad Grandpa.

 

Saturday was a total bummer! No Clemson footballL

 

Sunday, a day of rest and BREAKING NEWS: Denver Broncos would play without a QB. Now that’s what I call getting Covid’d. Unfortunately, my regional coverage only extended to the Gambling Raiders VS Low Flying Falcons. The Raider’s QB had shown great maturation VS the Chiefs. Should be a good game to see their QB go back to pre-puberty! Finally, the Chiefs and some holiday entertainmentJ 303 yards in the first quarter or half was fun to watch, unless you like Brady. Let the holiday celebration begin. Bears VS Packers. Now there’s some traditional football, unless you’re a Bears fan; bummer.

 

Finally, and double finally, it’s Monday Night! Four day turn-around ‘Hawks VS North Dakota State. I thought college ball was under protocols! Regardless, the Bison of NDS would be turned around by some very tired and over appetizer’d ‘Hawks. Exhilarating! Time to write about a very lowly Thanksgiving - of footballL

FOS College Picks:

Oklahoma 55 Baylor 13

The Sooner fans are talking final four playoffs and are knocking at the BCS door!!  Sooner

Athletic Director Joe Castiglione dawned a white fedora, which when lit up in red, stated ’OU BCS Bound’!  Some over-exuberant Sooner fans took a Baylor football kicked in the stands and punctured it with an ice pick!!  The OU fan was arrested for carrying a concealed weapon and defacing a Baylor ball 🏈!!   QB Rattler is the top freshman in America, OU RB Rhemontre Stevens has amped up the OU running game, and the OU defense has finally arrived in Norman town!!  

TCU 35 Oklahoma State 27

OSU seems destined to end this season in the Tiawana Taxi Bowl against the Owasso Rams!Seriously, let's go, coach Gundy!! The brain trust with the Cowboy Posse Club are saying that coach Gundy not only lost the team when he did the OAN t-shirt but lost the big donors by cutting his mullet off!!    TIME TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS MIKE!

Tulsa 34 at Navy 21

Several teams have claimed Coronavirus and dumped the Golden Hurricane off their

schedule out of fear!!  Coach Montgomery claims that they have another fear of a virus!!  Many of TU’s opponents have been infested by the Zavenavirus!!  This 6’4” 260-pound virus hits you like a Peterbilt running over the Road Runner!!  Several opposing players claim their body aches with tremendous migraines after being hit with the Zavenavirus!!  True shat!!  Future TU opponents have self-quarantined themselves for fear of the Zavenavirus!!  Come on Cincinnati be a Bearcat not a Scaredycat!!  B in T’s Heisman vote goes to Zaven Collins!!!

Iowa State 28 West Virginia 21

Both of these teams know defense and that is saying quite a bit for the Big 12 Conference which is known for fake defenses!!  The Clones will have the home-field advantage for the Big 12 Championship being played in Jerry’s World in Arlington, Texas!!  Go figure!!  

Alabama 42 at Arkansas 20

The young hogs have made vast improvements this year!!  Alabama has NFL talent all over the field and Coach Grumpy Saban on the sidelines fresh from Coronavirus recovery!!  There were 7 Saban AFLAC commercials during the game telecast to no liking of the Razorback fans!!

Texas A&M 47 at Auburn 35

Auburn and A&M had a throw down when both teams were exiting the field after pregame warmups!!  Many Aggie Dance Team Twirlers were upset when the Tiger footballers mocked their routines and did the routine more precisely and daintily than the Twirlers!!

Texas 38 at Kansas State 31

Kansas State Coach Chris Klieman had some serious injuries to his offense this year and is feeling slightly warm around his purple collar this year!!  With a sound recruiting class Klieman should be on steady ground!!  

SMU 48 Houston 24

Houston Coach combover faked a seizure on the sidelines to attempt to get out of another game!!  SMU security made him stay on the sidelines and coach the whole game!!  Big woosie!

FOS High School Playoff Picks:

6AI STATE CHAMPIONSHIP 

Jenks 42 Edmond Santa Fe 31

The west side of Oklahoma finally brought a team to the finals in the Edmond Santa Fe

Timberwolves!!  The Wolves were excited to hear this until they realized they would be playing the 12 time Gold Ball champion Jenks Trojans!!  The Trojans have Senior QB Stephen Kittleman who is a two-year starter and is being recruited by North Texas and several division II teams and cheerleaders!!  The Trojan offensive linemen are massive and heavily recruited!!  Offensive tackle Logan Nobles has signed with Oklahoma State and the Cowboys could use him in two shakes of a cow's 🐂 tail!!  Like.........NOW!!  The Jenks double-decker Winnebego bus had a flat and no jack was used to lift the bus!!  You guessed it, the Jenks linemen lifted the bus while the team rested inside and the flat was fixed by QB Kittleman!!  This is a true story!!  Trust me!!

6AII STATE CHAMPIONSHIP 

Bixby 44 Choctaw 31

The Old German Restuarant in Choctaw delivered a German Cuisine to the Yellow Jackets

team at the Faulkensnouzer home utilizing pandemic restrictions throughout the pregame meal!!  The Bixby team has collected many gold balls 🏉 under Quarterback Mason Williams (4) and will have a brand new school high school and state of the art football stadium in 2023 according to my Bixby sources!!  There is currently a 500 million dollar bond proposal in the works for the City of Bixby!! The Bixby players did not do the team unity nerd thing of dying their hair white!!  That is old shat!!  Instead, the Spartan young men painted their hair gold for their 7th gold ball!!  Super 4-star recruit Braylen Pressley will be back next year and is not going pro to the relief of many Spartan fans!!  Mr. Presley is so quick he can flick on a light switch, brush his teeth, floss and be in bed before the light goes off!!  Google it!

5A 

Carl Albert 35 Collinsville 20

The Collinsville Cardinals have some great young fellows on their team!!  But the CA Titans have some great men on their team!!  Nuff said!

4A

*********UPSET SPECIAL**********

Cushing 28 at Wagoner 27   

A neutral field was nowhere to be found in the Coronavirus infected state of Oklahoma!!  So the OSSAA hired Dr. Faucci Jr. who teaches infectious diseases at NOC in Tonkawa!!  With the Petri dish Coronavirus everywhere he believes that it would not matter where in Oklahoma they played the game!!  So the OSSAA picked Wagoner!!  Sooner politics in action and thank you very little!!  Look for number 10 for Cushing to recover a fumble and wink at two Wagoner cheerleaders!!  Make your uncle B in T proud!!

FOS MOM O METER returns for playoffs!!

Wagoner Moms .976   Cushing Moms .965

The Super Mom's were neck and neck after the downhill cheese roll and the disc cow chip throw!!  Wagoner moms won the competition after a strong showing in the Gingerbread House building competition!!  The winning Wagoner mom recreated Tom Brady's mansion in Tampa with 5,000 graham crackers!

FOS Diner of the Week:

Russ Restaurant - 609 E. Cherokee Street, Wagoner, Oklahoma- Best fried catfish in Oklahoma!  The chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy are so good that country star Blake Shelton has it delivered to his ranch ten to twelve times a year!!  

3A

Lincoln Christian 34 Heritage Hall 31

Both of these private schools have the talent to play in 5A!!  Bishop Kelly JV would go to their lovely stadium and Lincoln would slobber knock the Comets!!  Heritage Hall has it's own recruiting coordinator!  Just kidding..............not!

Holland Hall 41 Stigler 31

The Stigler Panthers have some serious size on both their defensive and offensive lines!!  The Dutchman team is just plain mean!  Their front seven on defense all dip snuff before the game and are known to make the opponent sick when they hack on the turf!!

2A

Metro Christian 38 Marlow 22

Metro has dominated Marlow in the past and starts slow against the Outlaws but end strong!!

Beggs 27 Frederick 25

Beggs wins a close game and the Frederick Bombers could not beat OC Millwood and Frederick back to back!!

FOS NFL picks:

Ravens 31 Cowboys 21 Thursday Night Football

The Cowgirls seem to be the new butt of jokes for the fandom of the NFL!!  The Ravens have been playing like the butt of jokes heard at the Thanksgiving table by a tipsy Uncle such and such!!

Titans 28 Browns 24

The Browns are playing themselves into watching the playoffs from their Lane recliners in their Theatre rooms!!  Browns QB Mayfield blamed himself for the loss!!  Completing 4 passes in 26 attempts, with 3 interceptions would put the blame smack dab in is lap captain obvious!!

Chiefs 34 Broncos 17

Kansas City connection Mahomes to Kelce has become the next Brady to Gronk Hall of Fame connection!!  Gronk and Brady's aches and pains are mounting and they both are signing a long-term advertising contract with Solaris and Geritol!!  Chiefs rule and Broncos drool!!

Bears 30 Lions 24

Bears coach Nagy finally pulled his head out of his arse and put QB Trubinsky back into the starting lineup!!  Numerous college teams and some Oklahoma high school teams are trying to get Detroit on their schedule for their homecoming game in 2021 or 2022!!  Easy win and the alums will be happy!!

Steelers 38 Washington 28

The Steelers boat raced Washington without a nickname!!  After defeating the  Cowboys last week the Washington team without a nickname celebrated without Coronavirus masks and were immediately placed in quarantine and forced to watch old Joe Theisman and John Riggins film!!

Have a great sports week:

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

by B in T - FakedOutSports, syndicated in SoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

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