Sunday, January 13, 2019

Male Synchronized Swim Team at the Center/ FOS College Bball Picks!

Synchronized Underwater Swimming to the Center!!

The Center for the Physically Limited, my second home, will be opening it’s 40,000 square foot addition at the first of February 2019!!  It will be the second largest facility of its kind in America!!  The new building will have my name, B in T, on a brick above the entrance to the men’s restroom by the new Bocce court!!  I am very honored!!  I have been named captain of the male
synchronized underwater dance squad!! This team needs a lot of training and members!!

What post season tournament will YOUR team be in?

Oklahoma- NCAA- 4 seed
Kansas- NCAA - 2 seed
Oklahoma State- nada(4% chance to win big 12 tourney )
ORU- nada buuut 35% chance to win Summit post-season tournament!
Iowa State- NCAA- 10 seed
Kansas State- NCAA- 9 seed
Arkansas-  NCAA play-in game

FOS College Football notes:

Rumors are having Kyler Murray coming back to the Sooners 1 more year!!  He loves football and this OU season was spectacular, why not do it again!!  But the NFL and MLB payout a lot of dollars and BMOC at OU is so awesome but not 10 million dolla dolla bills yo!!

FOS College Basketball Picks!

Ole Miss 79  Arkansas 72
Ole Miss Guard Breein Tyree scored 27 and Arkansas Forward Daniel Gafford score 25 as two of the top 4 scorers in the SEC put on a show in Oxford, Mississippi!!  The Rebels fans were thrilled to learn that by beating the Hogs, Popeyes Chicken will give away one biscuit and spicy wing with the purchase of a 20 piece spicy liver bucket!!

Iowa State 88 OSU 67
Iowa State’s Cameron Lard is starting to act like the power forward that Coach Prohm had recruited last year by scoring 18 points and 7 rebounds in Ames, Iowa!!  Big 12 Conference All-everything Lindell Wigginton had a double-double with 15 points and 10 rebounds!!  OSU coach Boynton continues to nurse along his young basketball team is looking forward to next year when everyone will be a year older and wiser!!

Texas Tech 77 Kansas State 75 at Manhattan
Texas Tech is pushing for a high 3 seed in the NCAA tourney while the Wildcats are just trying to stay in the field of sixty-eight!!  Texas Tech is led by soph stud Jarrett Culver who is known for his high flying dunks and accurate shooting!!  Tech pulls this game out at the end with clutch free throw shooting!!  Manhattan, Kansan’s were so sad that they took down their K States flags hanging at their homes and replaced them with Kansas Jayhawk flags!!

Texas 82 Oklahoma 77
Longhorn coach Shaka Kahn pretty fired up when the team free throw shooting was 52% for the game!!  This was the highest in 15 games!!  Jaxson Hayes a 6’11” freshman is trying underarm granny shots at the free throw line!!  Oklahoma again plays a good opponent strong but ends up short of W!

UCF 68 Tulsa 61
UCF 7’8” center Tacko Fall managed 5 dunks, 5 rebounds, 5 missed free throws and 5 fouls in the first twenty-five minutes of his game against Tulsa University!!  Central Florida is quite a team and is fighting for a bid in the NCAA Tournament!!

Kansas 91 at West Virginia 86
Kansas big man Azubuike seems to be injury prone in conference play.  If you are 7’ tall and weigh 380 pounds you should be injuring others!!  Suck it up buttercup big man!!  West Virginia legendary coach Bob Huggins has a full-time nurse sitting behind him on the bench!!  She is watching for high blood pressure, dizziness, stomach indigestion, and finally, redface and eyeballs popping out of his sockets!!  Precautionary measures for Bob!!

Kentucky 82 at Auburn 80
Auburn coach Bruce Pearl had an awful week as he was trapped in a tanning bed for 50 minutes today before the Kentucky game!!  His orange-red like skin tone was offset only slightly by his orange and blue suit he wore for game time!!  Auburn big dollar donors sitting behind the team were issued Rayban Sunglasses before tip-off!!  Kentucky’s NBA front line outlasted the Tigers and their Hollywood coach!!

ORU 78 South Dakota 69
The Dakota schools continue to struggle and ORU takes advantage!!  ORU is in third place in the early standings of the Summit Conference!!   

B, in T

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Brian Bosworth On The OU Coaching Staff?/ NFL Playoff Picks!


Oklahoma Sooner legend Barry Switzer stated to Lincoln Riley, who is being courted by NFL teams, ”More coaches would want the job that you just left than the one you just took”!!  Didn't Switzer take the Dallas Cowboy coaching job??

I would like to suggest that Joe Castiglione and Lincoln Riley consider Fansville Sherrif Brian Bosworth as the next Defensive Coordinator at OU!!  The Boz added an in-depth analysis regarding the OU D, as the ESPN Gameday Guest Picker!!

B in T’s wife has left to Maui and like the Christmas holiday show, I am home alone!!!  My wife and her friend will meet Tonga, the native heart throb from Kuau and dance to many Hawaiian songs like Tiny Bubbles, and the Hawaii Five-O theme song!!  Girls, please bring me back a couple of Hawaiian leis!!

FOS NFL Second Round Playoff Picks

NFC Playoffs

Dallas 28 Los Angeles Rams 27
The Dallas Cowboys and Dax Prescott have finally won back to back playoff games for the first time since Dandy Don Meredith sang ’Turn out the lights the party is over’!!  Cowboy owner Jerry Jones bought up thirty thousand tickets from the Los Angeles Coliseum and sold them to Dallas fans who were making the trip with only a 40% mark up!!  That shrewd piece of crap owner!!
QB Prescott was 17 for 24 with 3 touchdowns!!  Amari Cooper caught 7 passes for 121 yards and 1 TD!  Ezekiel
Elliott ran for 118 yards and 1 TD and was caught after the game doing his eat em up act with owner Jerry Jones!! Enough is enough, please stop!!

New Orleans 31 Philadelphia 24
Drew Brees gets better with age!!  Saint running backs Mark Ingram Jr. and Alvin Camera are the best one, two punch in the NFL!!  The Saint crowd registered a 103.73 on the seismic indoor fan noise scale!!  Last time it was that high was at a Godsmack concert when a nude girl fell into a mud mosh pit!!  The Eagles tried a repeat of 2017 but came up short when QB Foles threw his 2nd interception with a 1:32 left!!

AFC Playoffs

New England 34 Chargers 27
Night before game meal for Tommy Brady family with wife Gisele and two lovely children, is at 5-star restaurant L’Esparle where their total bill was $1,267.34 plus tip!!  While Charger QB Rivers, his wife and 9 kids are at the local Chucky Cheese for kids eat for free night!!  The bill came $32.28 but Mrs. Rivers had a 5 dollar off coupon from Value Pack!!!  Brady’s short passing game doomed the Charger defense and reminded the world that New England and Mr. Brady aren't done yet!!

Kansas City 34 Indianapolis 23
Chiefs have lost 6 playoff games in a row so they are due to beat the Colts and Andrew not so Lucky this year!!  Both Quarterbacks can nock a fly off a horses ass from 150 yards, similar to Jed Clampett on the Beverly Hill Billies!!  Maholmes cannon-like arm and accuracy helped him throw for 341 yards and 4 touchdowns!!  Tyreke Hill who reminds me of Super Hero Ant-Man and the hands of Spiderman!!

Words of wisdom by B in T:
Never overreact to the words of local weatherman!!  You might end up with a garage full of, toilet paper, snow shovels, rock salt, tire chains, and generators!!

Have a super sports week!!

B in T

B, in T

Monday, January 7, 2019

FOS New Year Resolutions/College Ball Picks

Faked Out Sports 2019 version!

2019 New Years Resolutions!!

  1. In 2019 I will write all my sports crap while sober!!
  2. In 2019 I will lose weight!!
  3. In 2019 I will try to get published again!!  Thank you to Sooner Politics!!
  4. In 2019 I will attend a Bowl Game that Tulsa University is playing in!!  
  5. In 2019 I will not let tooties in the bed that my wife can hear!!
  6. In 2019 I will not curse around my grandkids this year!!  The rest of the world is free game!!
  7. In 2019 I will not taunt my bocce ball opponents!!  I will not say ”you suck” or ”nice shot ass face” or ”I have won the Center championship two out of three years bitches”!!  I promise never to say those things in 2019!!
  8. In 2019 I will get my Medical Marianna Card!!  My Cocaine Card!! My Qualude Card!!  
  9. In 2019 I will eat all my fiber bars daily!!
  10. In 2019 I will attempt to do exactly what my wife tells me, to the best of my ability, so help me God!!  Dilly Dilly!!

The Aquaman dude and Steven Adams of the OKC Thunder are fuuurrricking look a likes!!

I recently learned that in the Grand Slam of Darts, one finalist accused another of malevolent flatulence (farting)!!!  He stated that the odor was similar to rotten eggs!!  Moral of this true story is fart while throwing a dart!!

FOS College Basketball Picks!

Arkansas 79 LSU 78
Great game in Fayetteville!!  Coach Anderson had ex-Coach Nolan Richardson back to conduct some practices!!  The players hated his practices but loved some of the pictures he showed off!!  His polka dot shirts and jackets back in the early Tulsa and Arkansas days were the hit of the practices!!

Kansas State 73 Iowa State 69
Clone Coach Prohm has more talent than some NBA teams!!  How he gets that talent to cold and boring Des Moines, Iowa is a question that seems to be one step ahead of NCAA investigators!!  The Wildcat talent without forward Dean Wade is enough to bring home the victory to a great home crown in Manhattan!!  If the Cats score more than 70 points everyone with a ticket to the game gets a free Corn on the Cobb at Charlies Chicken!!!

Oklahoma 82 TCU 72
The return of Top Daug in Norman was greeted with some excitement as the Horned Frog mascot and Top Dawg engaged in a slap fight!!  All was fun and games until Top Dawg was hit with a low blow!!  Male cheerleaders from OU and security broke up the mele and the game continued!!

West Virginia 83 OSU 68
West Virginia coach Huggy Bear was given a technical when his stomach bumped the head official and caused him to fall on the court!!  The official’s Addidas Whistle was missing and a substitute whistle was used!!  The whistle is said to be located somewhere on Huggins but no other comments were made by the West Virginia Athletic department!! 

Tulsa 71 SMU 69
This was a hard fought game in the Ewing Center, in Dallas named after famed Oil Tycoon J.R. Ewing!!  Numerous fouls and ejections in the game!!  The fans got into it when a TU Senior Hurricane Happy Timer started pushing a SMU Senior Pony Express patron when one lady spilled popcorn on the lap of her husband and started wiping his groinal area!!  Ewing Center Security quickly ended the tussle and bought the whole section popcorn!!  Oh, and TU gets a big road win!!

South Dakota State 77 ORU 70
The ORU team is a huge disadvantage in this league when they have to leave the Oklahoma mild weather plains and head to  Antartica and play basketball in the shorts!!  Not fair!!  These two teams are the best of the conference and we will see SD State in Tulsa!!

B, in T

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Super Bowl Performers Wanted/ College Football Championship Game Pick!

Job Posting:  Super Bowl Performers!

The halftime show for the Super Bowl will be starring Marroon 5!  Other bands to accompany Marroon 5 have been tough to book!!  A total of forty-six performers have rejected the halftime show!!  The stance taken by Colin Kaepernik of kneeling for the National Anthem and the eventual blackballing measure by Commissioner Goodell has the Hollywood circuit very agitated.   Here is a list of some of the remaining performers under consideration:

  1. Ted Nugent- He has the cat scratch fever to be in this halftime show!!
  2. Beach Boys, accompanied with Dolly Pardon as Wonder Woman!  Longshot!!
  3. Oklahoman Ventriloquist/Singer Darcy Lynne has been approached for the halftime show!!  Her production staff is attempting to make President Trump and Commissioner Goodell puppets but evidently, their heads are too big for little Darcy to hold up!!
  4. Steven Tyler of Aerosmith, accompanied by his lips, is under consideration!!  
  5. G.A.P. Band (Greenwood, Archer and Pine streets) out of Tulsa, Ok was high on the list!  They backed out when the Super Bowl security would not allow them to sing ’You Dropped a Bomb on Me Baby’!! 

FOS College Football Championship!!

Alabama 42 Clemson 32
Alabama put OU Coach Riley the B lists of clubs looking for hot coaching prospects!!  The Clemson freshman pretty boy QB Trevor Lawrence could play in broadway’s hit Hamilton!!  His long hair was grabbed twice by Alabama’s all world Defensive tackle Quinnen Williams for losses!!  The tide DT would have had a third hair tackle but Lawrence’s hair was too greasy and unmanageable!!  Tide via Tulsa McClain running back Joshua Jacobs ran over the Clemson Defense for 110 yards!!  Alabama QB Tua passed for 270 yards and 3 touchdowns and was named player of the game!!  While Tua was accepting the MVP trophy after the game back-up QB Jalen Hurd announced he was Graduate transferring to Oklahoma and would be eligible immediately!!  Great news for OU fans everywhere!!

FOS Pro Football Playoff Picks 
Wildcard Games!!

Dallas 27 Seattle 24
The Dallas Cowboys have not won a playoff game since owner Jerry Jones first facelift!!  Dallas’ new secret weapon TE Darwin Jarwin from Oklahoma State, catches another touchdown pass from Dax Prescott!!  Another former OSU Cowboy, Seattle RB Chris Carson, gained 88 yards on 20 carries against the Dallas stout front 7!!  The Cowboys hit the wagon trail on the road with Jerry Johnson coaching the horses and the offensive line in charge of the chuck wagon and vittles!!

Chicago 24 Philadelphia 16
The Chicago Bears pass rush dominated the Eagles!!  Bears DE Khalil Mack was in the Eagle backfield so often that Eagle QB Foles invited him to their halftime locker room!!  True story!!  Not really!!  Seriously true story!!  Chicago Trubinsky went straight from weightlifting to the field with his weight belt still on!!  Some of his Bear teammates giggled at him but stopped when he threatened to snap their collar bone!! 

San Diego 31 Baltimore 24
Chargers QB Phillip Rivers, not to be confused with Dan Fouts, throws for a late touchdown pass and takes a road win at Baltimore!!  The crowd was heard yell we want Flacco!!  I am afraid Flacco will be the starting QB for the Denver Broncos or the Calgary Stampeders next year!!

Houston 31 Indianapolis 21
Colts Quarterback Jaws Luck has had more protection by his O-line than Prez Trump Secret Service gives him!!  The Texans DL with Clowney and Watt were in Luck’s hip pocket all night!!  During a third-quarter heavy rush, JJ flexed his biceps and Luck passed out because of FEAR!!

I would like to leave you with these famous words that my Grandma Audoo used to tell me:
”Bryan get your hands away from my Folgers snuff spit can or I will spank your butt with my wooden spoon!”

Have a great week!!

B in T/ FOS

B, in T