Monday, March 30, 2020

Top 10 Things Not to Say During Coronavirus Pandemic

FOS Monday Start the Week With a Giggle!!


FOS Recipe Kitchen:

Did you know that the recipe to make hand sanitizer is close to the recipe for Jello shots?!  Just add raspberry Jello Mix and Captain Morgan Spice Rum!! Naw just kidding!!  You don't need raspberry Jello, use any type!!

FOS 10 Things Not to Say During a Coronavirus Pandemic:

  1.    Have you gained weight?
  2.    Toilet Paper?  My family has learned how to make do without it!
  3.    What was the Cardinal score yesterday?
  4.    We are out of brownie mixes at all of our stores sir.  WHAT!
  5.    How is the stock market doing?
  6.    If you expect an answer when talking to your dog or cat then you need to step outside of   the Coronavirus Quarantine and breathe!!
  7.    Even though you are desperate do not date a zombie 🧟!
  8.    Joe Erotic is my idol!!  I want what he is on!!
  9.    The National Guard are at the front door, honey!!!!!
 10.   Family, we are playing Zombie Apocalypse tonight!!


Stay safe and sassy FOS readers!

More to come!  Thursday!!!!!!!

B, in T

Sunday, March 22, 2020

The Picker Picks 2020 Top 25!


Mr. and Mrs. B in T's 35th Wedding Anniversary is TODAY!

We met at Peppers Bar and Grill, so tonight we will get delivery from
Peppers, have a chilled bottle of bubbly, turn the fire on and watch Narcos Mexico!!
So..... FU Coronavirus!!

Way, Way too Early FOS College Football Top 25!!
  1. Clemson- QB nicknamed ’Sunshine’!
  2. Ohio State- loves to beat up Harbaugh!
  3. LSU- Must replace Captain America QB!
  4. Alabama- Defense will be scary good!
  5. Oklahoma- Spencer ”the Snake” Rattler is fo real!
  6. Penn State- ugly jerseys!
  7. Georgia- New QB is the key!!
  8. Florida- Seeper for the final four!
  9. Oregon- The Ducks have purty uniforms!
  10. Notre Dame- Coach Kelly has more lives than Felix my late cat!!
  11. Wisconsin- O/Line averages 346 lbs and are all Vegans!
  12. Texas A&M- Ranked high by B in T simply to keep relatives happy!
  13. Minnesota- First Big 10 team in history to have a back that runs a 4.5 forty yard dash!
  14. Michigan- Harbaugh is eyeing the NY Giants job in 2021!
  15. Cincinnati- Speed kills!
  16. Auburn- Coach Malzone spread offense is getting old!
  17. Texas- Coach Herman’s mansion with a moat is for sale!
  18. Oklahoma State- The big three Poke players on offense will be bitchin!
  19. Virginia Tech- Coach Fuente is a stud!  Go Union Redskins!
  20. Iowa State- best team managers in the Big 12!
  21. Tulsa- Homer pick but watch out AAC!!
  22. Baylor- Coach sweater vest coat is gone to the NFL!
  23. Memphis- Beale Street is fun!
  24. Broken Arrow- Coach Alexander is a stud and he may actually read this shat!!
  25. Kansas State- this team will be running the winged T!
Also receiving votes:
Iowa 323, Bixby 256, Hawaii 220, Owasso 166, TCU 128, Tulsa Union 98, Houston 68, Jenks 42, Vanderbilt 31, Arkansas 20, Tonkawa 11, Blackwell 1
B, in T

Tulsa Target Store Toilet Paper Thief is Caught!!

FOS/B in T


FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:

”Humor in stressful times can be difficult but a necessity” - Red Skelton

Trump Toilet Paper Thieves at Tulsa Super Target!!
A good friend of ours works at Target and was asked by a rather large woman if there was toilet paper in the stock room since the shelves were empty!?  Our friend the Target Rep explained that they are usually gone before they hit the shelf and the Target toilet paper truck will be here in two days but will be gone in two minutes!!  The lady simply went into the ladies restroom at Target and jacked 5 rolls of Trump toilet paper and used her electric handicap cart to knock over a few displays and a security guard on her way out of the store!!  She was arrested by the Tulsa Police on 81st and Memorial with the toilet paper and the electric cart!!  Shat happens!!

Coronavirus is Badass! 

No Sports?  Take this time to get to know your partner!!

FOS is projecting a ton of newborns around the Holiday Season this year!!  Hashtag/nosportsmakewoopie

No toilet paper?!!  Ration you TP starting today!
Hashtag/S.S.D.D.  (same shat different day)

Tulsa Mayor states no crowd gatherings of more than 10!

Wash your hands for 15 minutes at least!
All restaurants and bars are closing!!

FOS Rumors:

*Rumor has it that New England QB Tom Brady is heading to Dallas to join forces with Bob Stoops and the Dallas Renegades of the XFL!!  Dana White, XFL and UFC mogul, has Tommy boy on speed dial!!  Looks like Tampa Bay is now in the XFL!!!

*Rumor has it that TU Basketball Coach Haith will be next coach at Lehigh University and Tulsa is putting together a package for Bill Self that includes a Southern Hills membership and a Yacht at Keystone Lake!!  No shat!!  I promise!!

*Rumor has it for all of my FOS Chicago Bears readers, the Halas family trust representatives had breakfast with supposedly retired Eli Manning!!  Mr. Manning could back up Mitch Trubinsky and mentor this square-jawed Robo QB!!

*Rumor has it that Texas Tech coach Chris Beard hires two more assistant coaches and becomes the first division 1 basketball team with 20 assistant coaches in Harold's suits on the bench!!  True stuff Maynard!

*Rumor has it that the Center sponsored Boccia Travel Team will not be traveling on any cruise ships or airline flights due to the Coronavirus threat this summer!!  We have canceled the South Korean and Iraq trip!!  No shat!

*Rumor has it that the 26th Annual Rocklahoma Festival has changed it’s name to Canibaslahoma Festival!!  The creators of the Pryor Fest are very high on the name change!!  Really high!!

FOS Bubblehead Stuff:

Tulsa Schools are closed so the kids are taking over the CITY!!  Help!!  

There are numerous board games and card games to play!!  Crayons, finger paint, and pastel-colored chalk have kept the grandkids of Mr. and Mrs. B in T occupied for hours!!  Make a game out of picking up the backyard doggy dooky!  Footballs, Basketballs, Frisbees and yard darts can be fun!!  Lemonade stand!  My granddaughters like to put bows in what little hair I have, make-up and eye shadow and paint Papa B in T toenails TU blue and gold!!  

FOS NCAA Tournament Picks!

FOS NIT Picks!

Words of wisdom from the unwise one!!
If someone says something you disagree with, just eat a brownie and things will get better!!

Have a great sports less week!!

FOS/B in T

B, in T

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Sports Canceled - Get to Know Your Wife!!

FOS / B in T


Historic Thunder/Jazz Game Cancellation!! 
B in T and Faked Out Sports are saddened by the cancellation of sports for a period of time for our country to stop the spread of the Coronavirus.  The NBA canceled their season and the America followed.  President Trump issued a National Emergency.  This is how we roll in the USA and we will come back stronger and learned from this setback!   Dilly Dilly and clean your hands for 20 minutes and remember PUMPKIN MAN is watching you!!

                                                Hand Sizes Are Relevant with NFL QBs Draft Status!!
FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:

Top QB prospect, Joe Burrow from LSU, has 9-inch hands which are the smallest hands since Joe Kapp with the Minnesota Vikings, measured 8.5 inches in the 1960s!!  Last year’s smallish QB number one pick Kyler Murray has 9.5-inch hands 🙌 and can't even see over his Offensive Lineman!!  Kyler prospered in his first year of the NFL!!  Patrick Mahomes of the 2020 world champion KC Chiefs has 9.25-inch hands and can even throw with his size 9 feet!!  Former NFL superstar QB and Saturday Night Live host, Peyton Manning has 10.25 hands and a 10.5-inch forehead!!  The hand size absolutely means ’jack’ when drafting an NFL Quarterback!!  Or Presidents!!

The Mid America Boccia Ball Tournament is Testing for Anabolic Steroids!!
Numerous Tulsa Center for Physically Limited folks will be tested for steroids this year due to their recent years of success in Boccia Tournaments!!  No shat!!  B in T and others will be doing an internal body purification and will put nothing in their body but water, black beans, and fiber bars until May 1st!!  This method was recommended by Coach David and was used by the USA Olympic Curling Team a few years ago!!  The participants in the cleansing will not be allowed to sit by the gas tank on the trip to Overland Park, Kansas!!

FOS Bobbleheads:

B in T’s Ana is First Member of the Tulsa Threat Women’s Football Junior Club!!
Having a woman's football team in Tulsa is a dream come true for many young ladies in the Tulsa area!!   B in T granddaughter Ana is ⚙️ gearing up for the Tulsa Threat women’s football season!!  At 3’4” and 43 lbs she is benching 5 lb chocolate Easter Bunnies without a drop of sweat or a drop of chocolate bunny!!  Stay tuned for further FOS/B in T coverage of Tulsa’s only women’s football, the Tulsa Threat!!

Words of wisdom from the unwise one:
Guys, please report any male that does not wash their hands after using a public restroom to the local police or FBI!!

Have a great sports week!

B in T/FOS

B, in T

Sunday, March 8, 2020

Asian Boy Band BTS Performing at OU Spring Game!

FOS/B in T


Notes bout Nuthin’

Top 5 entertainer prospects for Oklahoma Spring Game:
  1. BTS - Chinese boy band that resembles the Back Street Boys on crack!!  Currently, negotiations have ceased due to $s and Coronavirus!!
  2. Mickey Gilley - cheap and under budget but the Gilley folks say they are in major negotiations for the Tulsa spring game!
  3. Boys to Men - great for the Millennial crowd but a number of fufu OU boosters want the Foggy Mountain Boys with Restless Heart ’That Rock Won't Roll’!!!
  4. Grass Roots - The Sooner big donor era loves this group but the students are picketing the streets of Norman against having a group of hippies sing at the Sooner spring game!!
  5. Aerosmith - Lead singer Steven Tyler for Aerosmith just had his 6th lip injection and is possibly not available for the exact date of the Spring game!!  
ESPN Preseason College Football has OU ranked 3rd and Texas 7th!!
When did ESPN college football prognosticators start snorting baking soda?!?  Texas would be picked 7th in the Big 12 Conference or possibly 7th in the Union/Jenks Mighty Might Mouse League for kindergarteners!!  Please, having the name of TEXAS on your football uniform does not mean they can't suck AGAIN in 2020!!  The goodbye tour for Coach Herman begins with Spring Game in front on 80,000 misguided souls!!

Alabama Coach Grumpy Saban is on a Hiring Frenzy!!
Charlie Strong - Defensive Analyst 
Art Briles - Alabama Team Security
Major Applewhite - Offensive Analyst
Butch Jones - Systems Analyst
Steve Sarkesian - Saban walking off-field analyst 

B in T works out for Tulsa University Students at the Center!!
As a TU Grad back in 19 something the Center always has B in T guinney pig for the TU students!!  I always ask not to be with the cute TU girls!  Of course, they have a cute TU soccer lady for my tests!!  I now will overdue my exercises and send my blood pressure to the moon!!  As I pass out on the floor the young TU  soccer girl starts giving me mouth to mouth resuscitation and I wake up from my dream and go to lunch!!  True story!!

FOS Bobbleheads:

The Two Youngest B in T Granddaughters Have Extreme Talent at a Very Young Age!!
Two months old Charlotte and three months old Rosie have already shown tremendous hoop skills!!  Both of these you Pamper diaper dandies can palm a baby plum with one hand and shove it in their mouth within seconds!! Very fond of pre-game watermelon! This feat has been placed on YouTube with 400,000 likes in 24 hours!!  True shat!  Trust me!!  

FOS College Basketball Post Season Picks:

Big 12 Phillips 66 Tournament in Kansas City:

Oklahoma State 70 Iowa State 67
The Clones are using two Student Managers as their 7th and 8th players off the bench!!  Benny Cornholler from Maise High School was the all-time scorer in class C basketball in Iowa!!  He is averaging a triple-double in his last 4 games with the varsity Clones!!  He has poured 20 Gatorades, played 20 seconds in a varsity game and wet his pants 10 times!!  The other student manager spent the night in the Kevin Highland County Jail!!  This was based on a true B in T story but the names were changed to protect the guilty!!
Kevin Highland

Oklahoma 79 West Virginia 65
The Sooner’s Austin Reaves, as in the TCU game, turned into Superman slash Pistol Pete Maravich and scored 24 points in the second fricken half!!  The Hilltopper Mountaineers Uni-bombers from West Virginia shot 27% from the field, 21% from the 3 point range and 20% from the dunk range!!!
American Athletic Conference Tournament in Little Dickies Arena Fort Worth, Texas:

Tulsa TBD - FOS will do TU and KU picks later in week!

SEC Conference Tournament:

Arkansas 80 Vanderbilt 70
The Hog fans travel very well and are experienced in hoarding all the seats in the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville!!  Evidently, the Vanderbilt folks sprayed Arkansas’ front row seats with skunk mating spray!!  Vanderbilt lost to TU by ten points thus Hogs by ten!!  Very, very scientific stuff from FOS/B in T!!

Words of wisdom from the unwise one:  Clean your hands 50 times a day!!  At least!

Have a great sports week!!

FOS! B in T

B, in T

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Royal Couple Visits Mid-America Boccia

FOS/B in T


FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:
The Royal Couple Tour of the Midwest continues on May 1st and 2nd at the Midwest Boccia Championship in Overland Park, Kansas!!  Watching a high-level boccia tournament in Overland Park would be similar to watching Polo Tournaments for the Royal Family in England!!  Or possibly National Croquet Championship in Manchester!!  Numerous members from the Center for Physically Limited will be at the tournament and will meet Royalty, Mehgan and Harry at the Fuzzy Taco in Overland Park for a pre-tournament meal on May, 1!

NEW*****FOS Over/Unders******NEW

Number of years the XFL lives:
FOS O/U - 2.5
Take the Under
When Bobby Stoops takes his clipboard and leaves, crumble goes the XFL!

Number of players in the college football transfer portal for 2020?
FOS O/U - 400
Take the Over
Oklahoma still has some defensive studs contemplating the transfer portal!

Number of wins for Arkansas football in 2020!!
FOS O/U - 6
Take the Under
I liked Chad Morris but I really like new coach Pittman!! Lets take the 5 win under and mucho improvement in 2020!

Number of wins, end of season for the Oklahoma City Thunder:
FOS O/U - 47
Take the Over
Never bet against a team with a healthy point guard named Chris Paul!  Love his ball-handling and court vision!!

Number of mock drums banging at Astro away games this season!!
FOS O/U - 250,000
Take the Over
Baseball fans can be very vindictive!!

Number of times B in T gets frustrated and cusses at Cardinal Baseball this year:
FOS O/U - 162
Take the Under
B in T has new medicine to keep him calm during Cardinal and TU sports competition!!

Number of area teams invited to post season college basketball tournaments:
FOS O/U - 3
Take the Over
TU - NIT - ‘Next year’ is a popular term among TU fans!
OU - NCAA - Sooner’s Big 12 tough Conference helps their at large bid!
Arkansas - NCAA - Arkansas limps into the Tourney but has something to prove to the Hog fans!
ORU - CBI - Good season for the Golden Eagles!
OSU - If OSU ends up 16-15 they will being invited to the NIT because of their nonconference schedule!  Love me some Coach Boynton!!

Number of points per game Freshman Bryce Thompson will score for the Kansas Jayhawks in 2020-2021:
FOS O/U - 15
Take the Over
Next year I will be a huge Kansas basketball 🏀fan!  Shhhhh keep it quiet!  Bryce will go pro after scoring 17.2 per game with 5 rebounds and 4 assist per game!!  The Thunder will trade up in the draft and take Bryce Thompson!!!!!!!

FOS Bobbleheads:
Papa’s Gus Playing LaCrosse !!  
After watching my 5-year-old grandson with a small LaCrosse mallet, which looks like the bamboo tiki torches in my back yard, I definitely think the Gus has found his sport!!  I was the only grey-headed dude watching the LaCrosse practice but the young fathers and mothers watching the practice really need to get a life much more than I do!!

FOS College Basketball Picks!

Kentucky 71 at Florida 67
The Wildcats seem to play well in Gainsville, simply because they always have the better talent and better-looking cheerleaders!!  The Florida basketball court is now named after Thunder Coach Billy Donavan but Kentucky still treats it like Rupp Arena!!

Texas Tech 67 Kansas 63
The Jayhawks and coach Hollywood Self are cruising to a number one seed!!  Tech is playing for their NCAA seeding lives and Kansas is playing for seats in front of the Kansas bandwagon leer jet!!  Tech needs the win more and not much to do in Lubbock this day!!

Oklahoma State 78 at Texas 74
The Cowboy Boone twins which are in no way related to the senior female hotty Boone twins at Hale High School in the mid-70s are starting to play up to their freshman hype!!  Good things for the OSU Golden Coral in the future!!

Texas A&M 71 Arkansas 70
A&M mascot Reveillry the dog hikes on the official after a bad call against the Aggies!!  Reveillry is given a technical foul and is not available for the first half of the next game!!

TCU 81 Oklahoma 73
This game, in Fort Worth, is a must-win for both teams to make the big dance!!  Oklahoma’s performance arrow has been pointing down over the last part of the season and this can be very significant for the NCAA Selection Committee!!  As projected a loss here and an early finish in the Big 12 Conference Tournament will be devastating to the Sooners!!  Bubble team match up!

Tulsa 66 at Wichita State 65
Wichita, Kansas may be the only city in America that is best known for an oil company.  Koch Industries and wheat fields keep this community from being a convenience store on the way to Omaha, NE!!  As a homer, I have picked TU to win on a last-second tip-in by Matins Igbanu!!  Of course, this game is a key game for TU to have any chance at the NCAA tourney!  

Words of wisdom from the unwise one:  If you have courtside seats to a Tulsa basketball game, you cannot yell, as loudly, at the refs simply because they can HEAR YOU!!  I know..........

Have a great sports week!

FOS/B in T

B, in T