Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Helicopter Poop Alert and Tom and Giselle vs Romeo and Juliet

Helicopter Poop Alert 
Regarding the Gathering Place, I went with my grandkids Gus and Ana, to view this magnificent gift to Tulsa!!  We decided to frolic over to the new state of the art playground!!  While frolicking Gus screamed as he often does at Mimi and Papa’s backyard that he had found doggy poop for Papa to clean up!!!!  Gus will get into an extreme frenzy if not picked up quickly!  I did the only thing I could do (big fib) and explained that at the Gathering Place they had little toy poop picker upper helicopters that will scoop up the poop and spray potpourri Glade fragrance!!!!  He seemed content and we headed to the playground!!  

INFC youth football
Prior Blue 2nd Grade 20  Grove 2nd Grade 0
Prior Blue is heading for the playoffs and the team is feeling it!!  Playoff tickets are going on sale tomorrow starting at 15$ for end zone seats and fifty-yard line seats up to 50$!!  Show you Prior Booster Club card and get 5$ off for each seat!!  You may also buy a tailgate spot for 20$!!  Propane grills only!!  

Bixby Platinum 6th grade 22  TYAA White 6th grade 20
A super game with both teams putting out great effort!!  Both teams are fighting for the playoffs!!  The entire team received a huge boost when Bixby High School Coach Montgomery showed up to root for the 6th-grade team!!  In the 4th quarter Coach Montgomery started calling some offensive plays!!  He chewed out the team’s offensive coordinator because he was too conservative with his play calling!!!  The actual coach of the Bixby 6th grade explained to Montgomery that the offensive coordinator's son is their best player!!  Montgomery apologized quickly!!

Faked Out Sports NFL Picks

Browns 31. Chargers 23 
Browns QB Mayfield and Chargers QB Rivers met at midfield before the game and had a long conversation!!  Evidently, Mayfield was trying to get the phone number for one of the Charger cheerleaders that Rivers had!!


Rivers uses the cheerleaders as babysitters for his 13 children!!


Rams 35 Broncos 17
Rams young Coach has a photographic memory and can remember exact numbers from many years ago!!  Coach has remembered every young ladies phone number he has ever met and cannot delete from his mind!!  Think of all the numbers he has memorized from tavern bars and strip clubs restroom walls over the years!!  I love this dude!!

Chiefs 27 Patriots 22
Chiefs face a challenge with Mr. Brady and his model wife!!  They were voted the best looking couple in the history of mankind by ESPN the Magazine!!  They just beat out Romeo and Juliet!!!  True story!!  Google it!!  Chief's Mahomes throw a 9 yard pass to Kelser for the touchdown!!



Cowboys 24 Jaguars 23
Cowboy owner Jones was so excited after the big win over the Jaguars that he fell and hit his face on the steps by his suite!!Numerous family members gathered up parts of his face and he immediately went in for emergency plastic surgery!!  All went well and Mr. Jones’ looks were back to normal or close or scary or somewhat 
weird!!

Have a super sports week and remember:  Never let your shorts get bunched up over small stuff!!

Faked Out Sports
Bryan Lohmeyer




B, in T

New Superstars on Local Sunday Sports and High School Footballer Raise Money With Go Eat Me Pie Contest!!

Bill and Cayden Sunday Superstars!
Tulsa World superstar Bill Haisten has joined Channel 2 sports anchor Cayden McFarlane on Sundays and the ratings have tripled!!!  The sports ratings analog is the highest in twenty years since ESPN announced it was merging with Disney!!  Viewers turn the remote to Channel 2 on Sunday nights and watch Cayden and Bill discuss Oklahoma Sports, and boom they are asleep, its Monday and time to go to work!!


Faked Out Sports Prep Picks

Owasso 55 Southmoore 13
The Rams and Coach Blankenship had their way with the Southmoore team!!  Many starters for the Rams were bored
In the second half while watching on the bench.  A game of poker broke out on the Gatorade table but was quickly broken up by the Owasso coaching staff!!  They will all run stairs Saturday morning!!  Starting QB had a full house too!!

Bishop Kelley 36  Glenpool 27
Bishop Kelley is heading to the playoffs again with a solidly average team!!  BK needs to get past the second round because the Fathers are getting restless!!

Cushing 31  Bethany 16
Another sterling performance by the Tigers!!  Numerous Future Farmers of America (FFA) scouts were there to look a my nephews!!  Lukus was busy taking care of business on the field while Caleb was able to talk to the FFA scouts and all the cheerleaders!! These young men give B in T tears of joy!!

Tonkawa 35  Morrison 33
The top 2 teams in Class A have an old fashion brawl in Morrison!!  Morrison and Tonkawa have won more state championships than any classification!! Tonkawa kicks a 52-yard field goal for the win!!  Tulsa University offered him a scholarship right after the game!!
Mom-O-Meter Scale 1-poor to 10-awesome!!  Morrison moms 9.82  Tonkawa moms 9.78
This was an incredibly close and competitive match but the bake and eat fundraiser competition was won Thursday night by the Morrison moms and the Morrison footballers!!  Each team's moms made 100 pies and the team that ate the pies the quickest won!!  Morrison footballers devoured the pies in eighteen minutes and thirty seconds while Tonkawa finished the pies in twenty minutes and ten seconds!!  The funds raised were put forward to the Go Eat Me FFA Fundraiser!!  Tonkawa halfback Simeon Sheppard went to the minor emergency but only had pie gas!!
All true!!
Mom and Pop Diner ---Clicks Steakhouse
409 Harrison St., Pawnee, Ok   
Serve the best T Bone steak this side of Burns Flat, Ok.  Once served Blake Shelton’s mom a cup of coffee!!

Bixby 36  Bartelsville 24             

Bixby young sophomore QB has Chiefs Patrick Mahomes arm strength but at time he cannot hit the side of a Bixby sod farm!  With time he will be the top QB in the state!!  Will he transfer to Owasso?!!



B, in T

Monday, October 8, 2018

Is Tiger Woods really back?? Upset Alert at Chapman Stadium!


Tiger is Back???
Numerous National Sports geeks claimed that Tiger Woods would never, ever win another PGA golf tournament again!!  Two weeks ago he ran away and hid from the field in winning the Tournament of Champions Championship!!  I am a sports geek, but I was not one of the sports geeks that claimed he would never win again!!  I said countless times that he could beat many golf geeks in the putt-putt windmill game AND would dominate in nighttime par three golf with glow in the dark balls!!

Guess Hair Quiz - Win 3.2 Beer!
Which of the following individual's hair is made out of squirrels tail?
  1. Donald Trump 
  2. Bryan in Tulsa
  3. Larry King
  4. Bill Self
  5. The creepy dude on Burger King commercials
  6. All the above
If you picked 6 you are a winner and Faked Out Sports will overnight you some 3.2 beer from Quick Trip care of Michael T. Thornbrugh, Marketing Executive and Lambda Chi from Tulsa U.!!  Dilly fricking Dilly!!!

Faked Out Sports College Picks:

******Upset Special*********
Tulsa 35 South Florida 31
South Florida is favored by 66 1/2 points according to Vegas experts but B in T is picking a huge upset!!!!!!!!!!!!. (I have inside information, and do not tell anyone!)  The Bulls football team stayed at the Mayo Hotel where the Crew of Ghosthunters were in the process of doing a full-scale paranormal investigation looking to find PUMPKIN MAN!!  The South Florida Friday night team meeting was horrible as numerous tables levitated and while watching game film many players ran from the banquet room as a picture of Pumpkin Man appeared on the screen!!  The team was not the same on game day and swore they would never return to Tulsa!!!  South Florida players went straight from Chapman Stadium to the airport and flew home in their gear!!  

Kansas State 35 Oklahoma State 31
The two longest-tenured coaches in the Big 12 face off for a humdinger of a football game in the little Apple!!  The Wildcats coaching staff has made some bad selections of quarterbacks the last few weeks!!  Finally Coach Knute Rockne, I mean Snyder, found a walk-on deep snapper from a town called Fansville, Iowa!!  He can throw a football 100 yards on a rope and has bigger thighs than a Russian speed ice-skater!!  Another walk-on for Coach Snyder saves the day!!

Iowa State  38  West Virginia 31
This hard-fought battle has turned the Big 12 upside down!!  Iowa State Cyclone mascot, Cy the cardinal, is not a wind funnel but a bird!!  This can be very confusing if you are not from Iowa!!  In Iowa if they say a Cyclone is a bird the just go with it!!  Especially if you are a visiting football team!!

Ole Miss 44. Arkansas 27
The Arkansas football team is looking ahead to its huge game with the Tulsa Golden Hurricane!!  The Hog fans are really looking forward to basketball season!!  Arkansas Coach Morris has offered to purchase plastic hog hats to the first twenty thousand fans at each of the remaining Fayetteville home games!!  Hopefully, 20k will be there!!

Georgia 31 LSU 21
SEC shootout to see who get to polish Alabama's shoes!!  LSU Coach Ed Orange Julius was very upset after a bad call did not go his way!!  His face turned tomato red and veins in his neck looked like a volcano lava flow or The Hulk after a bad jalapeno popper!!  As Fire Truck hoses cooled Ed down, the Tigers have the game away with 2 turnovers in the fourth quarter!!

Oregon 47 Washington 38
Oregon Senior Quarterback Justin Sherbert should be the first Quarterback taken in the NFL 2019 Draft!!  The Ducks have all the computerized glow in the dark equipment and jerseys from Nike to have a tremendous fashion edge among all of college football!!  The Ducks spend more on green Nike shoes and green undergarments than smaller schools spend on their entire athletic uniforms and gear!!

Michigan State 26 Penn State 19
Spartan Coach Mark Dantonio, the Italian Stallion of East Lansing upsets the Nittany Lions!!  Numerous Michigan State young ladies think Coach Dantonio looks very similar to actor George Clooney!!  I did a small poll here in Oklahoma and we are not seeing what the chicks in East Lansing are seeing!!

Wisconsin 21 Michigan 17
Both teams are boring, offenses are boring, uniforms colors are boring, coaches and coaches wives are boring!!
I am not sure why I even included these two teams, their mascots are boring, their coaches hair product is extremely boring and finally, their male cheerleaders will bore you stiff!  


B, in T

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Pumpkin Man Moons High School Game in Broken Arrow/ 6th Graders Remove Tatoos at INFC Game!!


Pumpkin Man Caught Mooning!
Pumpkin Man was seen by several of B in T’s high school correspondents!!  He was throwing out minny pumpkins at the Cascia game!!  He was supposedly trying to moon fans at the Broken Arrow/Westmoore game but the video was mysteriously missing from the Fox 23 truck!!  

Bobbleheads
Pryor Blue 2nd Grade 24 Verdigris 6
Another 9 am game after a huge Pryor Bingo/Teachers in the Dunk Tank fundraiser after the high school football game Friday night!!  A lot of coffee and hot chocolate were consumed Saturday morning!

Bixby Platinum Aqua 6th grade 7
Broken Arrow Black 6th grade 6
Two BA kids were disqualified for wearing I love mom tattoos on the stomachs!!  The twin brothers were visibly upset!!  Numerous Bixby players then announced they had the same tattoo!!  The Tulsa State Fair had put numerous fake tattoos on the 6th graders and the mom tattoos came off with soap and water!!  All kids were reinstated and played a great game!
Lighten up INFC refs!!

NFL Picks

Browns 27 Ravens 23
Mayfield completes twelve passes in a row in the second half!!  Baker is made a full-fledged member of the Dog Pound and must eat a doggy biscuit and drink a beer after the game!!

Chiefs 33 Jaguars 13
The Chief offense has more weapons than the short dude in North Korea did at one time!!  RB King, Slot receiver Hill, and TE Kelser can go for a touchdown anytime and from anywhere!!  QB Mahomes triggers this offense with the best arm in the NFL!!

Broncos 24  Jets 21
Bronco fans are ecstatic about their team and their Quarterback!!  Case Keenen is the Broncos 15th QB since Saturday Night Live Star Peyton Manning was QB for Denver!!

More words of wisdom from B in T:
Those vapor cigs should not be used to stir coffee!!  


B in T
B, in T

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

baker underwear


Baker Underwear Sales Rise! 
Baker Mayfield has replaced Lebron James as the sports icon of the great city of Cleveland!!  Baker’s PSD underwear sales are off the chart!!  Cleveland’s brown colored underwear are back ordered through Christmas!!  I sure hope I have a package under the Christmas tree of 2XL PSD Baker underwear!!  Jami?  Kids?

Prep Picks!!

Cascia Hall 41  Vinita 12
The Canmandos dominated Vinita with true grit and tremendous defense!!  Coach Medina has been coaching at this private school for close to fifty years but he looks like he is thirty!!  Clean living and a thousand victories Coach!!

Cushing 41 at McCloud 6
McCloud Redskins are dominated by the Cushing footballers!!  My nephews had their pads off and we're signing autographs in the third quarter!!  The pads went back on quickly when mom came to the bench and told them to get the pads on, or no PlayStation for 2 weeks!!

Mom O Meter 1-10 scale 1 =bad 10 =amazing.  McCloud Moms 9.87  Cushing Moms 9.72   The deciding factor in this weeks competition was the moonshine competition!!  The McCloud moms have a secret recipe for apricot moonshine that will make your nose hairs stand up!!

Mom and Pop Diner McCloud, Ok
Curtis Watson’s Catfish Diner.  
121610 A McCloud St
Folks have driven all the way from Banger, Maine to try the Catfish Supreme Dinner with 12 hush puppies, fries, and chocolate pie!!  The hush puppies are gluten free!!

Owasso 41  at Norman North 18
Owasso takes some of their recent problems out on Norman North!!  Coach Bill Blankenship told his players that if they do not beat Norman North, he will no longer teach the team Bible Study!!  The players knew he meant business and defeated Norman North!!

Broken Arrow 62 Westmoore 13
BA continues to battle for the 6A1 Gold Ball!!  

Tonkawa 55  Woodland 6
Tonkawa stud running back Simeon Sheppard usually scores 4 touchdowns per game but was told by his girlfriend (B in T’s niece) to share the touchdowns with his teammates!  Super smooth Simeon Sheppard kept his girl happy and only scored 2 touchdowns!!  Tonkawa is second in class A football but first in making sure they obey the wishes of their girlfriends!!


B, in T

Monday, October 1, 2018

World's Most Perplexing Questions... & College Football Prophecies

B in T Questions to ponder!!

  1. Who would win between Florida State and Broken Arrow at a neutral site?
  2. Does Sam Presti of the Thunder look exactly like Tulsa Mayor Bynum?
  3. Are Mylie Syres and Hanna Montanna the same person?  Have you ever seen them together at the same time?
  4. Will there be a Sharknado 8?
  5. Does Coach Gundy color his mullet?
  6. Has anyone seen Kansas Basketball Bill Self’s hair move?  Ever? 
  7. Does this year's Super Bowl halftime activity really move like Jagger?
  8. Will Boccia Ball replace the NFL as the top sports empire?
  9. If caught cow tipping in Oklahoma is it a misdemeanor or a lynching?  Google it?  Seriously!
  10. Who has a higher pitched voice Tiny Tim or Chiefs QB Mahomes?

Dr. B in T Takes Credit for Birds Surge
B in T, Faked Out Sports would like to apologize to my fellow St. Cardinal baseball fans for doubting our team this year while they stunk!!  I was doing what is known as reverse psychology, rope a dope, or fake dislike!!  The Cards started winning, and I will take the credit!!  Go Birds!!!

College Football Picks!

Houston 49 Tulsa 24
Numerous Tulsa Alums had a huge party 🎉 at the Phillips 66 corporate offices after the game!!  Don’t tell anyone but there were lots of liquor, drugs and wild women there!!  That was all ignored when the Western Sizzerler buffet arrived!!  Tulsa Alums know how to eat and party!!

Alabama 45 Arkansas 10
Coach Grumpy Saban’s Tide rolls over the Razorbacks and a number of Hog fans take out their frustration by not eating Tyson Chicken 🍗 until the football team wins another game!!  The protest was stopped when the Arkansas National Guard was called in and Tyson Chicken was on dinner tables!!

Oklahoma 48 Texas 27
The Oklahoma football team and coaching staff are tremendously worried about injury to the smallish Quarterback Murray!!  NASA has sent OU some padding that is in his jersey and football pants of Murray for the Texas game!!  He looked like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man and started bouncing off defenders and took the jersey and pants off at halftime!!

Oklahoma State 38  Iowa State 30
Clone Nation’s trip to Stillwater was a disaster when numerous fans, team managers and cheerleaders were hit with food poisoning at a local popular Mexican restaurant in Stillwater Friday night!! Refried beans were the culprit!!  The restaurants refried bean stirrer was accused of putting laxatives in the beans but there was not enough proof to file charges!!  True story!!

Texas A&M 42  Kentucky 26
B in T will be at this game with his wife!!  Our beloved Aunt and Uncle and Cousins invite us down to Aggie land to lose some brain cells while watching big time college football!!  Last year I had a sideline pass thanks to my gracious cousin!!  I also tried to put the Sooner flag on Revelry, the A&M dog mascot!!  B in T will not be on the sidelines this year!!  

Virginia Tech 28 Notre Same 24
Union High Schools own Justin Fuente will outcoach and possibly REPLACE coach Kelly at Notre Dame!!  You heard it here first!!

Which of the following coaches will be a TV analysts in 2019?

  1. Willie ‘no clue’ Taggert-  Florida State
  2. Scott ‘jack’ Frost-  Nebraska
  3. Chip Kelly - UCLA
  4. Chad Morris -  Arkansas

A valuable quote that B in T would like to pass along to all sports fans:

B, in T
“Always love thy neighbor, unless they are a frickin’ Longhorn”!!


Willie Taggert needs to start looking over his shoulder quickly!!  The three remaining dudes are fine through 2020!

Friday, September 28, 2018

NFL Preview, Porta-Potty Shortage, & Mom Smackdown: Cheer Off Challenge

INFC Youth Football

Broken Arrow Gold 2nd grade 12 Pryor Blue 12 
Game ended after 3 overtimes with both teams needing emergency potty breaks!!

Bixby Platinum Card 6th Grade 18 Muskogee 6
The Bixby moms and Muskogee moms had an inadvertent cheer-off as both team cheerleaders put on a great show at halftime!! After the 6th-grade cheerleaders finished, the moms put together a routine that had the fans dumbfounded!!

Arose From the Dead!

  A few days ago the Green Bay Packers QB, Aaron Rodgers, arose from the dead a la Wyatt Earp in the movie ’Tombstone’ and rallied his team to a one-point victory over the Bears!! Rodgers was taken off the field in an ambulance with his leg bent at a 45-degree angle and bone showing!! Numerous Packer cheerleaders (some currently dating Aaron and Danica) choked their groceries on Lambeau field!! Twenty minutes later, after a compound fracture emergency surgery, Mr. Rodgers also known as Moses, was back leading the Pack to victory!! It happened Google it! You will see!!

NFL

Cowboys 31 Lions 21

Browns 24 Raiders 20

Steelers 31 Ravens 13

Disgruntled Bell Wants the Moon
Steeler Runnng Back Leviathen Bell is holding out again!! He is now requesting the deed to the Moon signed over to him!! If not, he will sit out the entire season!!

Chiefs 34 Broncos 21
Kansas City is Running Out Of Backup Quarterbacks
B, in T
Cannon arm Mahomes breaks two fingers on backup QB Davis Webb, and he is put on waivers after the game!! NFL can be very cynical!! Webb was the third backup QB waived because of broken or dislocated fingers this year!!

B in T
Have a great football weekend!!