Bryan in Tulsa
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Bobblehead Sports:
Papa B in T Caught Again by the Spy Camera!
While babysitting the rugrats during fall break yours truly was caught unbeknownst by the Daughter’s SPY CAMERA located at the front doorbell!! Papa and the Rugrats, Ana and Gus, decided to go out front and have some bike races!! The front door was open and out fled Toast the 1-year-old puppy/horse towards a baby stroller!! The neighborhood mom was slobbered to death by Toast and we all laughed - no harm no foul!! Across the street, on the other hand, was the 2020 neighborhood hag of the year walking her 3.3-pound poodle named Fifi!! She was irritated that the dog was out was disgruntled about losing her walk rhythm!! I told her to get a life, take some constipation meds and have a sandwich!! Of course, this was all caught on the doorbell camera by my daughter and I am currently on babysitting probation for a month!! One more infraction to a neighbor lady hag and I will be on final written probation!! No shat!!
B in T Notes:
Recently Canned John Gruden’s Next Gig!!
He will begin a career in acting and his first gig will be a villain in Avenger movies!!
Next football coach at USC!!
Next football coach at LSU!!
Next football coach at Bixby!!
Next Play-by-play voice of the Blackwell Maroons!!
Opens up the first Californian combo Bed and Breakfast with Cannabis Bakery!! Makes millions! Again!!
Hired by Grumpy Saban at Bama to be an assistant offensive analyst to the assistant special team's coach!!
B in Ts Top 5 Extreme Haunted Houses-
McArney House - 12 Stephenson Rd, Summertown, TN – One of the most haunted attractions in America in which the main location was forcefully shut down in San Diego but reopened in Tennessee!! The 2019 reopening location was so secretive that only the employees and the CIA knew the location!!
Blackout - New York City - Considered the first Extreme Haunted House which was created in 2006!! Very controversial and you must sign a 200-page contract and pass numerous stress tests before you are put on a list to maybe get picked to have blood poured on you!! I will stick to the neighborhood variety haunted houses!!
Heretic House - 5216 N Albina Ave, Portland, OR – Explore themes such as claustrophobia, sleep paralysis or the intrinsic horror of being alone in a cabin in the woods!! This spookhouse once was sued for making a man wee wee in his Hagar slacks!!
Terror Behind the Walls - 2027 Fairmount Avenue, Philadelphia, PA – Terror Behind the Walls takes place at the Eastern State Penitentiary, a very creepy setting. And you have a choice: a traditional experience, in which actors aren’t allowed to touch you, or one in which you allow yourself to be touched!! Recently the police were called when a middle-aged man touched himself!!!
The Basement - 12909 Foothill Blvd, Sylmar, CA – The Basement prides itself on being the scariest escape room around!! Once a soccer mom entered the escape room and NEVER came out!!! True Shat!!
Revelations from TU Homecoming:
The Tulsa football team can play some good football!! Season half over football projections:
-6-6 record
-TU will receive an Invitation to the Canibus Chinchilla Bowl in Jamaica!
-The Hurricane mascot has scared so many toddlers that he is banned at the Family Fun Zone during the remaining football games!!
-Oklahoma’s Spencer Rattler will transfer to TU and lead the Hurricane to the Conference Championship in 2022!
-Old Lambda Chi alums can no longer drink and smoke like they once surmised they could!!
-My alum brothers discovered that the Lipsticks gentleman club is not the same type of club as the Celebrity Club!!
Lipsticks Club has a 10$ cover charge and Celebrity Club has none, 8$ for a glass of beer at Lipsticks Club, and 3.50 for Celebrity Club, and finally NO chicken caesar salad at Lipsticks!! Also, the Celebrity Club waitresses do NOT sit in the customer's lap!! Very confusing having these two clubs 3 blocks apart!!
Big 12 Rumors:
The Commissioner of the Big 12 is considering the following teams for expansion to a 16 team power 5 conference!
Memphis - Penny Hardaway
Boise State - blue turf will be green if Boise wants the green cash in Big 16
SMU - top-class male cheerleaders
Bixby - very good imaging deals (NIL)
Tulsa - newer downtown area plus The Gathering Place is top park in the USA
Harvard - simply to offset Memphis’ GPA
Trevor Gipson TU - Chicago Bears - The Dude is Quicker than Quick!!
The Bears have their next Richard Dent speed pass rusher in #99 Trevor Gipson from Tulsa!! He continues to steadily impress the league with his quickness to the QB from the EDGE!! An edge pass rusher is a fairly new term given to a hybrid DE and linebacker combo with 4.4 to 4.6 speed that chases QBs all day and night!!
B in T College Picks:
Oklahoma 62 at Kansas 13
QB Rattler played the first half and freshman QB Caleb Williams played the second half!! Each player will play a half-game per their renewed NIL agreements and cannot throw for more than 296 yards per game - per player!
Iowa State 31 Oklahoma State 28
The Clones kicker was just recruited off of the women's soccer team after the 2 scholarship kickers were suspended for selling cocaine!! This young lady was recruited from Geneva, Sweden where she was rated number 1 in the world in clogging!! She is a top soccer goalie at Iowa State and the young Swede kicked the winning field goal against the Cowboys!! Thanks, Hilga!!
Arkansas 56 Arkansas Pine Bluff 3
I am not certain why this game is being played but I feel obligated to report the truth and the truth is Ark. Pine Bluff needs a million-dollar pay-off from the hogs to pay off last year's covid deficit!
Ohio State 45 at Indiana 24
The Buckeyes are peeking at the right time and Indiana is sucking at the usual time!! The Buckeye stud QB CJ Stroud completed 14 passes in a row and took his linemen out to all u can eat pancakes at IHOP on I 35!!
Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 14
Some of the A&M Yell Squad members were disciplined for yelling too loud in class and at the student mess hall!! The yelling caused a massive food fight similar to the movie ‘Animal House’!!
Boston College 38 at Louisville 31
The BC Eagles are knocking on the door of the top 25 and are having one of their best years! BC QB Dennis Grosel is stepping in as the starter after an injury to QB Phil Jurcovec!!
Kansas State 38 at Texas Tech 28
The Wildcats strolled into Red Raider land and showed the home team how to play hard-nosed country football! Instead of stomping a cloud of dust, the Cats were stomping a clump of ground-up tennis shoes!!
Notre Dame 27 USC 21
This classic brings back memories of OJ Simpson running over Gold helmets like Hertz Rent Car suitcases!! So-Cal keeps trying to play with the big boys to no avail! Look for Urban Meyer to take the USC job when fired at Jacksonville!!
Penn State 38 Illinois 24
Nitanny Lion coach Franklin is in line for a large number of College and Pro jobs!! Coach Franklin hath better slay the dragons in his castle first!! Chants of bring back Lovie were heard in the Illini section XXZZ!!
B in T High School Picks:
PUMPKIN MAN ATTENDS BISHOP KELLEY HOMECOMING!!
The BK crowd goes berserk when Pumpkin Man arrives with 1500 candy chocolate mini footballs!! The chocolate sugar rush simply offset any notion of the chocolate being spiked with green stuff!!
Bishop Kelley 52 East Central 12
BK is peaking at the right time!!
Blackwell 27 at Chisolm 12
Blackwell could be looking at a 3 win season!! The chatter around the Blackwell's Hubbard Road Thanksgiving 🍗 table will be jovial this year!!
Mom O Meter Chisolm moms .987. Blackwell moms .980
The Chisolm Trail was where Longhorn steers by the thousands herded to a better land!! The Chisolm team nickname was derived from the longhorns!! Sooo the Chisolm moms created a large lead by winning the quilting contest!! The Longhorn moms quilted a super quilt the size of a loaded semi!! Winner winner Chicken Dinner!!
B in T Diner of the Week:
Callahan's Pub and Grill - Edmond, 220 North Independence Street
IPA Beer out the wazoo! The world’s best wings using batter from Scottland!! A Leprechaun was spotted in Callahan’s in 1994 but has now been classified as an urban legend!! No proof of the sighting has been documented! No cell phone pictures! No proof!
Holland Hall 54 Jay 6
The Jay Bulldogs scored first and never again, while the HH offense started clicking when QB Kordell Goodspeed started throwing darts against the Bulldog secondary!!
Broken Arrow 36 at Edmond Sante Fe 35
Both teams are trying to host a playoff game and winning this game could solidify their position!! The BA busses were given a police escort through the rough Edmond areas where Friday mall traffic can be deadly!!
Jenks 48 at Yukon 21
The Jenks Mom's Spirit Squad bus was pulled over by the OHPD when water balloons were seen thrown out at Yukon fans!!
Bixby 70 Muskogee 7
You can insert the 70 to 7 score to all of the Bixby games and be dang near spot on!!
Cushing 38 Blanchard 30
Friday afternoon Future Farmers of America awards ceremony 🏆 is not copasetic with Friday night lights!! Players at the FFA awards were running late to the game and the Tigers used the Freshman kickoff team to start the game!! Chicks dig FFA football players!!
KICK ARSE NUMBER 10 LB!!
B in T Pro Picks:
Browns 35 Broncos 17
Browns de horseshoe the Broncos as the Brown fans pre-purchase their playoff tickets for 2021 and 2022!!
Titans 27 Chiefs 21
The Chiefs should make the playoffs and a unicorn with the ‘Rock’ riding on top spitting fire bombs out his buttocks will take over the world!!
Cardinals 42 Texans 24
Cardinal QB Kyler Murray has a 78% completion rate which is number 1 in the NFL!! Cardinal Wideout DeAndre Hopkins and QB Murray are tight and at times finish each other's sentences!!
Buccaneers 37 Bears 21
The Bears have not defeated the Bucs since ex-TU QB Jeb Blount was at the helm of the 1-13 Bucs in the 70s!! Everyone including the Bears defeated the Bucs that year!!
Have a great sports week!!
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