Bryan in Tulsa
FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM
Bobblehead Sports:
Conversation overheard by B in T at grandson Gus’ youth soccer game in south Tulsa:
Soccer mom A to Soccer mom B:
SMA ‘What do you think about our soccer coach?’
SMB ‘Well he is very cute, he reminds me of Brad Pitt!”
SMA ‘I was asking about his ability to coach our kids, but more important you are correct AND he is HOT!!
SMB ‘Totally’
SMA ‘I found a great deal on orange slices and gluten free fiber bars at Aldi’s!”
SMB ‘ My husband said if he sees 1 more gluten-free item in our kitchen he will take all of my Lululemon undies and burn them’!
I recorded this conversation on my phone!! True shat!
B in T notes:
Geordie Madson Honored:
A great fraternity brother, fellow banker, and friend passed away playing golf a couple of years ago! He is being remembered at the TU Homecoming Bonfire that he was so involved, along with many other TU events over the years!! If you think of Will Farrell streaking in his underwear you are also thinking of Geordie at Harwell field behind the fraternity house on a Friday or Saturday night!! Geordie you were a huge fan of my stupid blogs and I hope you keep reading and playing birdie golf in heaven!! I miss ya deeply my brother but we can keep our memories forever!! See ya at the Bon Fire! B in T
Eating my words on the St. Louis Redbirds:
The second week of September I was burning my Cardinal shirt, let my dog chew up my St. Louis Cardinal hat, and throwing darts at a picture of Mike Shannon and yours truly at the 1982 World Series!! After that day a miracle happened and the Cards won so many in a row that I have lost count!! Between 15 and 20 I believe!! Goldschmidt, Arenado, and muscle man Tyler O’Neil have led with almost 100 home runs, and helped clinch a wild card spot!! The pitching staff was patched together without starters Hudson, Mickelas, and Flaherty for most of the season!! Replacement starter dudes like Woodward, Lester, and Happ secured the playoffs for the Redbirds!! Go Birds!! THE DODGERS SUCK AND OLD LA FANS REMEMBER THE OZZIE SMITH HOMERUN!!?? HUH?
Time to Party!
My adorably cute wife and her hottie friend went to see Blake Shelton and his cute derriere last week!! They left the concert early when her hottie friend pinched a no-fun security guard, thinking she had pinched Blake’s buttocks!! A small scuffle ensued but a gracious Blake allowed Jami’s friend to touch his buttocks!! After this, the girls left the concert during the middle of his hit ‘I’ll be your Huckleberry’!! The pinch was all they came for!! Disgusting!! Well, I am sure all 11 readers are wondering what does this has to do with sports shat!!!???? Well while the girls were weirding out on Blake Shelton’s butt, hubby B in T was in the recliner, in the man cave in front of a 84 inch TV watching ESPN Friday night college football!! Also, the radio headphones were on the Bixby Spartans, and my 1982 Radio Shack transistor was on the Union / Owasso game!! And I DID have my phone on the Redbird's 14th victory in a row!! All left to do is Papa babysitting 6 rugrats at the same time!!
Ed Orgeron vs Mike Leach
I would love to be a fly 🪰 on the field turf and listen to what those stoic coaches from Mississippi State and LSU were talking about during pregame warmups last week!!
Mike: ‘Do you believe in Aliens Ed’
Ed: ‘huh?’
Ed: ‘an LSU fan once said I remind them of Bigfoot’
Mike: ‘I have talked with Bigfoot and I do see a resemblance’ hehe!
Ed: ‘Mike, I can bench press two Volkswagens!’
Mike: ‘I can bench press two bottles of Scotch’
Mike: ‘Did you touch Sandra Bullock’s buttocks in the movie ‘Blindside’?
Ed: ‘purposely.?........ Of course!’
Always Correct College Picks:
Tulsa 38 Memphis 35
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
**PUMPKIN MAN AT TU HOMECOMING!
With an 8 pm Homecoming TU game many Lambda Chi alums were passed out in the informal lounge by game time!!Nothing has changed in 40+ years!!
At another pre game party: The TU Tailgator’s pregame 4-hour bash became uncontrollable when some single cougars from the TU Happytimers group brought jello shots and buttery nipples drinks 🍻!! The party got crazier when a gorgeous young blonde lady allowed some lucky TU patrons to drink tequila from her belly button!! The TU team falls behind 28 to 3 at halftime and many left the stadium at halftime and headed to the Buccaneer Bar!! A miracle happened and TU rallied after former stud TU stud QB Lee Slaton’s halftime speech!! True story! Names were omitted to protect us old TU farts!! Google it!
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
PUMPKIN MAN was located in the TU student section throwing mini footballs filled with Halloween edibles!!! At halftime the students mysteriously all had a case of the munchies!! The QT across from Chapman Stadium was sold out of Doritos and Frito Lay bean dip!!
Alabama 34 at Texas A&M 21
Alabama security has requested 12 Highway patrol cars, 2 Houston SWAT Units, 2 Army helicopters, and 6 Texas Governor Security guards to escort Grumpy Saban!! The Alabama team busses had two College Station Book Store Cops on scooters!! True Shat!!
Georgia 34 at Auburn 16
The Bulldogs will obliterate the Auburn Tigers and then celebrate by getting the heck out of Dodge(city in Kansas where a lot of bad guys lived) immediately after the game-ending gun was shot!!
Oklahoma 36 Texas 28 At the Cotton Bowl in Dallas
ESPN Gameday Crew is at the Red River rivalry!! The 84-year-old Lee Corso left the Gameday set early when the staff saw him doing odd things to the Longhorn mascot BEVO!! The guest picker for Gameday is rumored to be Brian Bosworth but ESPN has refused to allow the Boz to show Stone Cold movie scenes!! Chants of Tuck Fexas could be heard all over the Sooner half of the Cotton Bowl!
The Texas State Fair was closed when a group of drunk Longhorn fans and Sooner fans were involved in a fight over which Fletcher Corn Dogs were better, Texas or Oklahoma!! The uproar De-iced when both sides agreed that the chocolate-covered grasshoppers were Texas State Fair best food!! Texas coach Sarkesian refused to shake Sooner coach Riley’s hand after the game when he stated that coach Riley gave him the horns down sign!! Riley insisted that he would never do that and simply gave him the middle 🖕finger up sign!!
Iowa 27 Penn State 21
The Hawkeyes are playing good football and Penn State looked like 2nd grade Bixby Red (no offense to the hot Bixby moms) against Notre Dame!!
Arkansas 24 at Ole Miss 20
The Razorbacks are playing excellent football and their QB KJ Jefferson in body reminds football lore of Cam Johnson! At 6’6” and 255 pounds the fast and powerful running QB can also toss the pigskin 70 yards!! Ole Miss coach Kiffin looked tanned and relaxed as the Hogs defeated the Rebels in their home stadium in Oxford!!
Ohio State 41 Maryland 21
Ohio State is slowly creeping back toward the elite top 4!! Losing early was all part of Coach Day’s plan to bring a National Championship to Buckeye land!!
Always Correct High School Picks:
Pryor 63 Hale 6
B in T’s high school alma mater Rangers were losing to Pryor 63-0 at halftime!! The coaches and referees decided to run the clock in the second half!! Pray for better days for my Hale Rangers!! We need some Carner, Taton, Rollins, Stormin Normans, and RIP Stan Minors!!
Jenks 48 Norman 23
Jenks freshman QB has officially arrived when he reportedly has the digits of 3 senior Jenks cheerleaders!!
Hennessey 38 at Blackwell 20
Many of the Blackwell Maroon fans drank some Hennessy Cognac and contemplated another bad season!!
Bixby 45 at Choctaw 24
Choctaw felt an upset coming this week against the Spartans who just announced their intent on joining the Big 12!! The Hasz studs and all-everything running back Brandon Pressley signed a NIL deal with Steve’s Sod and Whataburger for an undisclosed amount!! The amount was sizeable as certain Bixby moms were seen driving 2022 Lexus SUVs at Bixby’s Carmichael Farms Pumpkin 🎃 Patch!! True shat!! I swear!
Wagoner 46 Catoosa 13
Some Wagoner Bulldog students repainted the paw prints on the highway leading to the W.L. Odom football stadium!! The Catoosa fans followed the paw prints to the Wagoner town dump and were very upset that there was no stadium!! The Catoosa fans were given free hot dogs and nachos upon arrival!!
BTW 51 at Sand Springs 21
The Hornets marching 100 band received a standing ovation at halftime of the Sand Springs game!!
Cushing 42 Tecumseh 13
Homecoming game for the Tigers!! The formal dance was held Saturday at the Morrill Family Barn located outside of Cushing!! Turn left at the Simpson farm then hang a left 3 miles at the red barn, then go 1 mile east at the haunted hayride, then go southeast by the old Nickerson Farms 2 miles and finally drive .6 miles and turn left by the chain saws and you should be there!!
Cushing stud linebacker and B in T nephew is being recruited by several Division II schools!! His mom Christina is holding out for a 25,000 dollar NIL deal from the highest bidder in Division II!! Smart mom!!
Tonkawa 38 Watonga 6
The Tonkawa Mayor and Mrs. B in T’s cousin-in-law Charlie was in the lead 2022 convertible Corvette in the Homecoming Parade!!
Owasso 48 at Edmond North 27
Owasso just purchased another 2022 double decker Winnebego Tour Bus with a wet bar for the Alums and coaches on the second floor!!
Holland Hall 48 at Vinita 7
Holland Hall may go undefeated this year and next year!! Their talent is heavily recruited by many private schools!! So HH must be talented!!
Mom O Meter- Vinita .989 Holland Hall .980.
Again, believe it or not, the contest with these super mom football groups came down to the last event🏆 of frog gigging!! A gigging pole no longer than 5 foot 6 inches long must be used when gagging a frog!! The Holland Hall moms were disqualified when they were caught using a taser gun on the frogs!! This is a huge gigging no no!! This happened!! Google it!!
B in T Diner of the Week:
Clanton’s Cafe - 319 E Illinois St, Vinita
Two months ago actor Matt Damon filming the movie ‘Stillwater’ stopped by with some local oil well pushers and started that the mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak were the best he has ever put in his mouth!!
Always Correct Pro Picks:
Browns 31 at Chargers 24
Browns RB Kareem Hunt rumbled for 110 yards and 2 touchdowns and Baker Mayfield had a record 35 commercials run during the 3 hour and 5 minute Fox broadcast!!
Cowboys 34 Giants 21
The Dallas Cowboys are finally winning after 21 years of nothingness!! The Cowboy NFC East Division is just slightly better than the Mountain West Cloud Division in college football!! The Giants have tendered an offer to bring back Eli Manning!! ABC Monday Night Football has offered to pay Eli as well just to get him off the air!!
Bills 27 at Chiefs 24
Great game and the Bills are feeling good after a huge win against K.C. The feeling is short-lived because everyone is beating the Chiefs!!
Steelers 28 Broncos 17
The Steelers have been without little Watts on their D but still have enough steel curtain in them to be tenacious!! QB Rothlensburger still has enough dink and donk in his arm to get Pittsburg in the end zone!!
Cardinals 35 49ers 31
The team is concerned about a rookie from Tulsa Zaven Collins!! They feel he is too tensed up and needs a companion to ease his worries!! The team huddled together and found a superbly beautiful Great Pyrenees male puppy who he named Hominy!!
Have a great sports week!!
Bryan in Tulsa
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