Faked Out Sports/ B in T
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FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin!!
Will Fly Fishing or Noodling be the Experimental Sport the 2020 Summer Olympics?!?!
Oklahomans have written their senators, congressmen and their delegates from the International Olympic Committee to get Noodling approved!! So far Noodling advocates that still have all their fingers have had numerous meetings with the IOC but to no avail!! The IOC folks are somewhat fufuish, and prefer a nice game of cricket or croquet to noodling!!! The IOC has conceded that this sport is much more exciting than fly fishing!!! Fly fishing seems to be much more of an upscale wine and cheese sport with high dollar water retardent waders, Crocodile Dundee hats and fancy pullover jackets with 50 different types of fly fishing lures hooked on the front!! All needed with noodling is a hand that is attached, cut off shorts and a tank top or wife-beater shirt!! IOC loved the noodling cost analysis and was heavily on favor of noodling in the 2020 Olympics!
The Sooner Schooner is in Need of a Roll Bar to Keep the Kids and Horses Safe!!
FOS Safety Recommendations:
- Use mules to pull the Schooner! Much slower thus safer on the turns! PETA folks do not want mules!
- Use much heavier male and female Rufnex members to sit on the Sooner Schooner!!
- Use an enlarged red wagon pulled by 8 Rufnexs!! This would put the Oklahoma University in good standing with PETA (People for Ethical Rights of Animals)
- Realign the horsey poop bags to make sure they are evenly balanced through the complete wagon turn!!
- Use a squad of OU Mechanical Engineers to do quality control and to act as test dummies for Sooner Schooner practice runs!! I would like to volunteer a recent OU mechanical engineering graduate, son-in-law Clark to be the guinea pig for these tests!!
FOS Bobblehead Sports!
B in T is back to Gus and Ana’s 5-year-old and 3-year-old soccer games after 3 weekends of traveling to football games all over the state of Texas! Guss’ game is first and with his cunning passes, bicycle kicks, no-look passes and 3 goals scored!!! Papa and Mimi B in T happily headed to Ana 3 on 3, 3 years old soccer game mayhem!! Ana is not quite as gifted with her father's Brazilian soccer abilities as her brother is!! She does have her Papa’s bulk and was dominance over the other dainty soccer girls with pink bows in their hair!! If they could give out FIFA yellow and red cards for 3-year-old south Tulsa soccer, Ana would lead the league in that category, no doubt!!
FOS College Football Picks!
Oklahoma 41 Iowa State 27
Although Oklahoma’s defense is statistically 3 times better than the Mike Stoops era, coach Grincher is still not satisfied with his team!! After the OU defense recorded its 5th sack in the third quarter he was upset about the style of his team's sack dance!! Athletic Director Castiglione approved the hiring of a sack dance choreographer coordinator for the Sooners!! Choreographers from Broadway shows such as Oklahoma and Hamilton were interviewed by coach Grincher and head coach Lincoln Riley!! Neither coach had a clue about dance routines but they both knew exactly what they wanted in a sack dance!! Coach Grinch wanted a lot of hip thrusts immediately after the tackle!! Coach Riley wanted a smoothly orchestrated sack dance with at least three other defenders dancing in sync similar to the Spinners of the 70s!! They eventually hired Shasta Zappalinski, a Russian Choreographer of the traveling Ruskonoff Dancing Bears!! True story, trust me!!
Arkansas 28 Western Kentucky 27
The Razorbacks get a break from their monster SEC schedule to play the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky!! There are numerous suggestions of what an actual Hilltopper is!! Most folks say the Hilltoppers are a singing group of 3 young men who were graduates from Western Kentucky State in the 60s, thus the school name and mascot were created! Google it nonbelievers!!
Clemson 36 at N.C. State 28
The Clairol For Men Quarterback from Clemson throws for 4 touchdowns, gets 3 State cheerleader phone numbers, 2 pairs of undies and one kiss from his mom!! This happened all in a typical day for Sir Lawrence of Clemson!!
Alabama 38 LSU 34
Possibly the game of the century for all of the brainwashed SEC fans in the deep south of America!! Alabama QB Taglavialova completed his first 10 passed while fellow Heisman counterpart, Joe Burrow completes his first 9 passes!! The show was on!! Both QBs hugged after the game and agreed the Jalen Hurts of OU will win the Heisman and they are just fighting for the runner-up participation trophy!!
Wisconsin 28 Iowa 24
Badger Running Back Johnathan Taylor became the 3rd back all-time to rush for over 5,000 career yards!! His giant linemen (330 average weight over 4 years!) have put away a lot of food over those 5,000 plus yards!! According to some numbers derived by FOS, the linemen have devoured 456 cows, 3,452 chickens, 47 fields of potatoes, and 1,222 gallons of milk!! It takes an army to reach those career numbers for Mr.Taylor!! Please do not forget America’s farmers!!
************Upset Special************
Minnesota 27 Penn State 18
Minnesota pulls a huge upset by slowing down Penn State’s offense by simply controlling the time of possession 39:50 to 20:10 for the Nittany Lions!! The Golden Gophers, which are a cousin to the Golden Bears of California, pulled all the stops to beat the Nittany Lions!! A Gopher defeats a Lion, just sayin!!
Georgia 38 Missouri 20
The Georgia Bulldogs brought Mizzou back down to earth with a strong ground game and QB Fromme’s rifle arm!!
Texas 41 Kansas State 31
The Longhorn coaching staff is slowly learning to ignore the head coach and just do their own shat!! B in T has learned from his friends at TMZ that coach Herman has fake headphones and really listens to old Madonna songs and has no idea that a game is happening!! Wikipedia it!
Baylor 34 at TCU 21
Baylor coach Matt Ruhle is on a number of shortlists to be hired!! NFL teams, XFL teams, powerhouse College teams, Canadian Football teams, and Jenks High School have all contacted Ruhle’s agent for an appointment!! Coach Ruhle states he has no interest in any schools before the end of the Baylor current season!! After that please take a ticket and stand in line!!
Colorado 49 Stanford 33
The Buffaloes are very happy to beat the Stanford Cardinals because of some smack talking by the Stanford team right before kick-off!! Numerous Cardinal players were telling Colorado that they need to go back to the Big 12 learn how to play defense!! Colorado then hung half a hundred on Stanford and ended any future smack from the Cardinals!! Afterward, they all smoked a fatty together!! Peace!
Boston College 28 Florida State 26
Boston College lost to Kansas by 24 and Kansas lost to to Coastal Carolina 12 to 7!! Sooooooo once the Seminoles lose to Boston College, State’s coach Willie Taggert (no relation to famed country-western singer Merle) will be coaching flag football in Tampa!!
FOS High School Football Picks!
Owasso 55 Putman City North 13
The Rams of Owasso have something in common with the Witches of Eastwick, the Sons of Nardia, the Hounds of Baskerville, and of course the Pumpkin Man of Northeast Oklahoma...............THEY ARE URBAN LEGENDS!! Have you ever seen a mountain Ram in Owasso?? Homecoming parade- NO, at Sonic chewing on trash- NO, at First Owasso Bank making a withdrawal- NO, in the Coaches booth with coach Antonio eating popcorn- NO and finally no one has never even smelled a Ram or seen a Ram mating ritual in Owasso!!
Blackwell 28 Bridgecreek 20
The Blackwell Maroons took care of the Bridgecreek Bobcats with a second-half barrage of touchdown passes!! B in T asked several of the Bridgecreek folks if they have ever seen a Bobcat in their town and they emphatically stated ’no’ but they have numerous sightings of Bigfoot!!
Bishop Kelly 33 McAlester 22
The Comets used their massive linemen on offense to create 3 drives of 10 plays or more in the second half!!
Bixby 58 Muskogee 31
The Pressley brothers and the Bixby O-line dominate the Roughers and take control of 6AII home field advantage!!
Jenks 42 Westmore 20
The Trojans are making some noise in the latter part of the season and will be scary 👻to deal with in the playoffs!!
Tonkawa 46 at Hominy 28
The Hominy Bucks named after the numerous deer hunted in the Hominy area were defeated by the Tonkawa Buccaneers named after the large number of swashbuckling pirates that are seen in local pubs after 5 shots of Jeagar Meister!
Faked Out Sports -- Mom O MeterHominy Moms.988 Tonkawa Moms.977 The moms of these teams might be the coolest moms in the history of momhood in Oklahoma high school football!! The competition was dead even until the final event of Poker was won by Hominy’s great-great-granddaughter of Calamity Jane, Juicy Jones's who is also the mother of Hominy’s Quarterback!!
FOS Diner of the Week! Hominy-- Brothers Hominy Diner 111 West Main Street, Hominy OK This Diner has been serving it's world-famous hominy cheese grits for 21 years!! Barry Switzer stopped at Brothers Hominy for directions while recruiting in 1980!! Locals say Coach Switzer left the town with a trunk full of hominy cheese grits!!
BTW 41 at Sand Springs 24
Booker T has more speed than a Columbian drug cartel!! BTW linebacker, wide receiver, kick holder, band member, and running back Javon Hester took charge and solidified home-field advantage for the first round!!
Durant 26 Hale 18
The trip for my Rangers to the town of Durant might be the most boring in the history of Oklahoma high school road trips!! The town of Durant is known for its Tex Mex Mexican food and makes the trip tolerable for the team if the Panch Via Room is secured at Los Guapos for the post-game dinner!!
Cushing 23 Tuttle 16
Super win for the Cushing Tigers and our nephews! Beating the Tuttle Tigers (whom B in T will call the Tuttle Turtles for the sake of not confusing the elder stroke survivor fans) in front of our hometown crowd is super for my nephews constantly enlarging egos!! The Tigers defense played like it's hair was on fire! The Turtle defense could not stop the Cushing QB/receiver duo!! Main street Cushing was closed after the game and similar to the movie ’Footloose’ the kids of Cushing were allowed to dance for the first time since the car/cow crash of 1977!!
Union 40 At Edmond North 31
The Union Redskins have finished no lower than second place in a 6A conference in 25 years!! Wow, the Edmond North Huskies stand between the Redskins and 3rd place finish!! But Union Coach Kirk Friedrich had other plans for this year’s Redskins!!
Cascia Hall 38 at Inola 24
The Cascia Hall Comandos visited the Inola Longhorns in a town where steers were known to be some of the top breeding steers in the world!! Any steer sperm purchased in the Inola farm area are said to be some of the high-end steer sperm that money can but!! Cascia played hard nose Comando football and held on to a big conference win!!
Broken Arrow 61 at Enid 12
The Tigers throwback uniforms look similar to a crossover between the 1978 Pittsburgh Steelers and the 1995 Iowa Hawkeyes!! All the Enid Plainsmen football team saw was a blur!! Star Oregon recruit Myles Slusher set up an autograph station for all his Enid fans after the game!!
Myles signed autographs as the team bus took off to BA!! He road back with his super mom and dad at midnight!! When he got back he went straight to the gym!! What a fricken stud!!
FOS NFL Picks!
Browns 27 Bills 24
Overrated Browns offense gets a reprieve from local sports talking heads!! QB Mayfield had a decent game with 2 touchdowns and a pick! I dumped the Browns defense and picked up the Bills defense on my fantasy team!! Exactly why I am 2 wins and 8 losses!!
Titans 31 Chiefs 24
The Chiefs coach has a slight resemblance to a large Captain Kangaroo and his defensive coordinator resembles Mr. Green Jeans!! The Titans QB Ryan Tannehill is one step away from the XFL but the Titans defense and a blocked punt and an interception for a touchdown saved Tannehill for a week!!
Vikings 24 at Cowboys 20
The Cowboys may win the NFC Central with a .500 record and Jason Garrett acts like everything is roses and he is the best NFL coach ever!! Oh contrary to the warm fuzzy you are feeling coach Ritchie Cunningham the Alamo is not too far away!! Watch your back, cause Sherriff Jerry Jones has an itchy trigger finger!!
Cardinals 33 at Buccaneers 31
The Cardinals have an outside chance of making the playoffs but need their defense to become above average! The little QB from Oklahoma and the skinny jeans coach from Texas Tech do not look like inadequate fits for the NFL now!! QB Murray does what he needs to do to get a W!! Murray will pass, run, or handoff to get the Cardinals to the promise land!!
Words of wisdom from the unwise one!!
Always keep you friends close and always, always keep your enemies closer, unless they have bad B.O.!!
Have a great sports weekend!!
Bin T
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B, in T
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