Faked Out Sports: Elton John at TU’s Next Homecoming?

FOS/B in T

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Tom Casey -- Certified Master Griller and Barbecuer of the Midwest!!

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FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin!

I swore I would not write about the TU Homecoming a couple of weeks ago but the demand for a publication was too much!! So here goes!!

I loved seeing my brothers from Lambda Chi Alpha more than any event or bonfire or heartbreaking mother chicken choking football game you could have!! I had not hung with some of these turds in forty years but I hugged and told bull shat stories with these boys to old men as though we were at the Tap Room drinking 2.3 beer years ago!! Yes, the sixty something-year-old still single skank sorority girls still ignored me but I just left a silent but deadly stink bomb by them and walked away!! Still a great time despite the football outcome!! RIP Brother Geordie Matson so glad I laughed with you one last time at Homecoming.

FOS has a few new venues for future TU Homecoming years IF football continues to deflate:

Just have a Homecoming parade, with no game!
Have Homecoming based around a TU Soccer game or Rowing match by the Arkansas river!! The Rowing event could have Octoberfest tents and Alumni events, food, beer, and bratwurst!!
Have a large big-name band or singer play for Homecoming at TU!! Elton John, Hootie and the Blow Fish, Garth Brooks, Branson Ballnobbers, Bruno Marrs, and Milli Vanilli have shown interest in coming to the University of Tulsa Homecoming!!
Rent out the BOK Center for TU Homecoming, have it catered by Long John Silver and Furrs!! Show highlights of previous TU football teams on the big screen!! Have Senator David Rader, and Owasso Coach Bill Blankenship speak to a standing room only crowd of Golden Hurricane fans!!
Have a TU chili cook-off on Skelly Field to go with a giant fireworks display that would be thrice as big as any Drillers displays!! The Tulsa Drillers packed folks to the outfield for these fireworks explosions!!

Who Would TU Hire to Replace Coach Montgomery at TU?

Faked Out Sports/B in T future TU coaching possibilities:

Seth Littrell-- North Texas coach who was a hot commodity at the beginning of 2019, has had an average year and he might be the next TU stepping stone!!
Bill Blankenship-- he is such a genuine person and deserves a second chance!! Maybe....
Alex Grinch-- how the Grinch stole the TU Christmas coaching job!! Announce the hiring on Christmas day and have all the TUers down in TUville happily singing around the tree!! Not really, I just wanted to use the Grinch Christmas play on words!!
Jay Norvell - HC at Nevada Two Norvells in the AAC has a ring to it!
Skip Holtz - HC at La Tech, went to high school at Cascia Hall so a shoo-in for TU!
Major Applewhite - Analyst for the Alabama kick off return team! Good coach and knows Texas recruiting!
Bo Pelini - Youngstown State- Why not!
Jake Spavital - HC -Texas State - Played at Tulsa Union High School, Coached at TU, OSU and Texas A&M among other schools!
Just keep Monte! Good person!!
Todd Graham - Tasmanian Devil refer to number 9

FOS Bobbleheads

I become more and more entertained by just watching the skinny jeans parents at my grandsons soccer games than just watching Gus! Is that really bad? I noticed that the opposing coach was on a hover board which might be the laziest, most egotistical, bull shat, hey everyone in the universe look at me I am cool, thing I have ever seen! At a price of $1499 what a nerd!

FOS College Football Picks!

Oklahoma 46 at Baylor 34
ESPN Gameday at Waco!! The Guest Picker will be Chip and Joanna Gaines from famed TV show Fixer Upper and their 7 children!!! Lee Corso passed out after the seven rugrats were allowed on the set!! Lee was revived by mouth to mouth from Joanna!! Lee you deviant old fart!!

The Baylor Bears are very good and OU is trying to readjust their goals!! New Year's Day bowl game against Auburn with the Sooner Schooner and mini Shetland Ponies is not so bad!! The Bear claws were going for the Big 12 Conference kill by beating the Sooners at home!! But wrong, Fixer Upper breath, the Sooners had there demolition plans for Baylor and Chip Gaines!! The OU offense is incredible but the defense has been evaluated as very average and possibly sucky!!

Oklahoma State 49 Kansas 27

The Cowboys are hoping for the Jayhawks to not take the dominance of Okie State in football out on the Cowboy basketball team this year!! Oklahoma State QB Spencer Sanders has rejuvenated the offense and has become a mature senior leader mentally although he is only a redshirt freshman in the Cowboy program!! The KU quarterback was pulled in the second quarter after throwing his third interception!! Kansas head coach Les Miles went over to tell his freshman QB that he was being pulled at which point the angry QB did the Baker Mayfield crotch grab and was escorted to the locker room by a Kansas trainer!!

Kansas State 38 West Virginia 20

Retired legendary Kansas State coach Bill Snyder was seen with a Cannan 10,000 x 20,000 pair of binoculars to watch his former team kick butt in Manhattan, Kansas!!! His customized suite has a luxury Little Tikes playroom for his 13 great grandchildren!! In the meantime, new coach Lehman guided the wild cats to a solid win over the Mountaineers of West Virginia!!

Notre Dame 35 Navy 27

Notre Dame continues to be overrated early in the season and unrated at the end of the season!! The Associated Press voters have been known to give the Irish votes for how shiny their helmets are and how well their jerseys fit!! The Navy team has a lot less talent, fewer facilities, and fewer rich donors to offer dollars to recruits than the Irish!!

Georgia 35 at Auburn 31

Georgia’s offense decided their offense can run the ball at the Auburn speedy defense!! Georgia is finally back in the College Football championship fray if Fromme will not frickin freakout and freeze-frame the final four games!

Wisconsin 42 at Nebraska 23

The Cornhuskers have been beaten up so bad in the Lincoln Gazette that he now wears a Groucho Marx mask when out in public!! Like his offense, this is not predictable at all!! Sarcasm!! Wisconsin is just good!

Iowa State 38 Texas 31

The Clones are trying to sneak into the Big 12 Dr. Pepper Championship back door!! The phrase ’I’m back’ was used in the movies ’The Shining’ and ’Independence Day’ and should never, ever, ever, ever be described for the University of Texas football team!! Hey, Coach Herman sell the mansion with the moat and draw bridge and move to Alaska!!

Clemson 48 Wake Forest 24

The Clemson Tigers have numerous factors that have them in the running for the College Football National Championship!! Great traditional uniforms, pretty cheerleaders, a prettier quarterback, and great fans!! But most of all we have the Dabo as a coach!! The Dabo is an unassuming and a true leader of young football men!! The Dabo can hire and keep strong assistant coaches such as former OU DC who was not good enough for the Sooner defense that has an average ranking of 83rd in total yardage allowed, since he departed Norman, Oklahoma!! Oh, and one other thing...........HE WINS!!!!!!!

Iowa 27 Minnesota 24

The kids in the Stead Family Children's Hospital next to the Hawkeyes Kinnick Stadium were elated as the players and fans waved happily for another win!! A great tradition started since the hospital addition in 2017!! Finally, the football team could live up to the hospital expectations!! God Bless these kids!!

Michigan 24 Michigan State 21

If you put the best players on the current Michigan and Michigan State 2019 roster together, they might be able to compete with Ohio State or Alabama!! Michigan to a New Year's Day Bowl and State to the Alamo Bowl!!

FOS First Round High School Play-Off Picks!

Collinsville 31 Bishop Kelley 23

Collinsville closed down Mainstreet Wednesday due to a crazed Bishop Kelly fan painting ’BK rules and Collinsville drools’ over 5 blocks in midtown Collinsville! Stores such as Otasco, TG&Y, Humpty Dumpty, and Sears were closed all day to have the paint removed!! The crazed BK fan left their Gucci purse, a bottle of the Wine Shack’s finest chablis, a medical marijuana card and a Saks credit card with a 10,000 credit line at the paint crime scene!

Owasso 48 Norman 13

The Rams could sleepwalk to the finals of 6AI!! All the players are trying to keep their minds in the next game, not the finals! Coach Blankenship, as he does each week, reads a scripture after each practice!! The team brought in a psychiatrist from Harvard to speak regarding the meaning of the phrase ’one game at a time’!! Brilliant move by the Ram coaching staff!!

**********UPSET SPECIAL**********

Cushing 26 at Weatherford 22

My Senior nephew Lukus disloacated his shoulder and broke his arm on the same play! He jammed his shoulder in place and air casted his arm and played the whole game in pain!! This dude is cold blooded!! Weatherford comes in as the 4A3 District champions but the Cushing young men answered the call with grit and determination!! The Weatherford and Cushing players had a combined prayer huddle after the game!! Things got dicey when a Cushing player called a Weatherford player an atheist!! Cooler heads prevailed when parents arrived and linked up for the song ’Kumbaya My Lord’!

Wagoner 38 Broken Bow 22

The Broken Bow Savages, go to Wagoner stadium and play a legendary team that has won more Gold balls 🏈than a Goose has golden eggs with fertility pills!! The men folks of Wagoner left early so they can get up at 2:30 am and put deer urine all over their bodies!! All Wagoner wives/moms spent the night at the Wagoner Motel Super 8 and partied in the pool and watched adult movies on the Lifetime channel!!

Jenks 42 at Mustang 35

Mustang is a Jenks type town with numerous $50,000 plus SUVs all over the town! As you would expect my FOS part-time worker bees have been trolling Mustang and they think this is a Chevy Tahoe town!! So, the over-under on combined Jenks and Mustang fans Friday night has been set by Vegas at 1,150!! B in T is taking the under because some of the Jenks Tahoe SUVs will be carrying deer carcasses!!

Bixby 102 Midwest City 20

B in Ts score may be slightly high! But so is his staff!! Bixby’s Sophomore little brother Braylen Presley is only 155 pounds soaking wet!! Appropriately he ran for 155 yards on 6 carries in the first half and went to get 155 Chick-Fil-A sandwiches for the team post game meal!!

BTW 36 at Del City 22

Del City has not played the BTW speed on the west side of the state!! Numerous Del City cheerleaders were overheard arguing about the anacraynim - BTW! Some say that BTW stood for Booker T Washington, teacher, and leader of the African American community!! Some of the Del City younger cheerleaders and players understood that BTW was a texting abbreviation for by the way!!

Edison 36 Pryor 20

Edison’s super stud running back Sevion Morrison who broke a lot of hearts in Oklahoma by choosing Nebraska ran over the Tigers defense for 192 yards and 3 touchdowns!! Prior fans were distraught by the outcome of the game!! Some Pryor fans burned their Tiger hats and shirts!!. Town of Pryor made it a law that no live Tigers were allowed in Pryor city limits!! True story!! Ask my Pryor and KC Chiefs correspondent Chris Taylor!!

Cascia Hall 32 at Checotah 27

FOS Mom O Meter Checotah Moms

.945. Cascia Moms.942

The CH moms had a commanding lead until the final two competitions of Frog gigging and fish cleaning!! The CH moms became somewhat ill during the frog gigging competition and had to drink orange juice and crackers and forfeited the final to competition!!

FOS Diner of the Week!

June’s Dinner 123 S. Broadway, Checotah, Oklahoma

Best fried fish and chicken-fried steak in America according to Southern Living Magazine! Channel 8’s Discover Oklahoma has been to the Checotah diner 5 times for the fried fish!! Numerous country-western stars go to June’s for her legendary apple strudel cupcakes topped with Baileys and cream icing!!

Broken Arrow 44 Union 31

Broken Arrow Tigers head coach David Alexander does not want to duck out after the first round after winning the 6AI golden ball last year!! Union keeps it close until the big O line for the Tigers turns up the heat and pulls away from the mortal Union Redskins with 3 straight touchdowns in the second half!! The Redskin coaches will start reviewing the transfer portal for 2020 immediately!

FOS NFL Picks!

Steelers 28 at Browns 27

The Steelers have a lot of injuries to blame for their poor start this year!! But they do have a tremendous future by looking at the strength of their defense led by LB T.J. Watt younger brother of J.J. Watt and at the QB position with former OSU stud Mason Rudolph!! The Browns vs the Steelers have a Oklahoma bedlam feeling with QBs Rudolph of OSU vs Baker Mayfield of Oklahoma!! Let the fun begin!

Cowboys 31 at Lions 21

The Lions with their very, very, well-paid QB Stafford against the Cowboys with their very, very so-called underpaid QB Dak Prescott!! The Cowboy defensive line seems more aggressive since the arrival of Michael Bennett from the Patriots!!

49ers 35 Cardinals 27

The Cardinals are one of the few easy games for the 49ers in the latter part of the season!! The Cardinal Coach Pretty Boy has seemingly found a home in the NFL as long as QB Kyler Murray can fit in the back pocket of his skinny jeans!!

Texans 33 at Ravens 31

The Texans QB De Shaun Watson is having an awesome season and that is wonderful for the B in T Family Christmas!!. Mrs. B in T purchased a Deshaun Watson Texans jersey on sale at an Outlet Mall in Houston!! The Texans need to keep winning so the jersey will have more value to our son Bryson at Christmas time!!

Chiefs 35 at Chargers 27

The Chiefs were starting to realize that the offense was steadily covering up for the defense that was very average at best!! The O led by QB Patrick Mahomes was magical and Mr. Mahomes completed 22 of 28 passes for 4 touchdowns!! Tight end Kelce made 6 receptions for 132 yards and 2 touchdowns!!

Words of wisdom from the unwise one!!

You know that you are old when your wife will not pop your zits any more!!

Have a great sports week!!

Faked Out Sports/Bryan in Tulsa