Easter Bonnets are fashionably outdated....

 Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

B in T Rants:

Who loses their phone the most in 38 years of marriage - Husband or Wife?

Mrs. B in T  - called her phone to find her phone:

11,245 times lost in 38 years of marriage!  I have phone records and records of phone calls!  I have 4,731 pink fricking memo pad notes saved before cell phones even existed!!

*Where found-

*Toilet - lid was down!  Go figure!

*Purse - a very large purse!

*On top of the automobile- maybe not sure

*Restaurant - 80% of total   number above!

*papa’s favorite liquor store!

*her favorite seat couch crack!

Papa B in T

*10 times lost in 38 years of marriage 

*Where found:

-always up Papa’s bu_ _ crack

according to Mrs. B in T!

-in Papa’s Troy Aikman pajama pocket!

-next to the big screen remote

Mrs. B in T losing first I IPhone 20 years ago!

Nicaraguan pitcher                 , struck out three Detroit Tigers, bam, bam, bam, then after the game was signed to a Tiger contract for 2023 and ‘24!!  Looks like a movie to me!!

Joe Exotic running for President in 2024!! 

Looks like we will have found a candidate that is trustworthy and not senile!!

Rumors abound regarding ORU starting a Division II football program with home games to be played at Victory Christian High football field!!  You may send in new ORU football nicknames care of B in T at PO Box 1, RR 1, Blackwell, OK!!

Names: so far-

*The Prayer Tower Powers

*Monks

*Friars Tucks

*Goliaths (my fav)

*Red Sea Parters

KEEP THOSE SUGGESTIONS COMING!

The St Louis Cardinals' new cult hero from Japan is setting his native country on fire!!  Left-handed OF cranked a few homers for the Cards in 2022 at the major league club but is slated for starting in RF in 2023!!

Nootbaar is the first non-Japan-born player ever to play for the Japanese national team!  He was born and raised in Los Angeles but is eligible to play for Japan because his mother, Kumiko, is from Higashi-Matsuyama, Saitama Prefecture!!  Nootbaar's middle name is Taylor-Tatsuji, and his maternal grandfather, Tatsuji Enokida, still lives in Higashi-Matsuyama!!  The Nootbaar Candybar will soon be on Shark Tank!  

*He is currently on the 10-day IL

Taylor Swift's nightmare release with Ticketmaster was supplanted only by the Oklahoma spring game in 2023!!  With the debut if the Kylar Murray Heisman bust debut Ticketmaster was overrun by millions of Sooner fans to get this 15$ ticket!!  Crying Sooner fans all over the world were devastated to learn that Ticketmaster had oversold 200,000 tickets to the Sooner spring fling game!!  Taylor Swift fans at OU can't shake off bad blood with Ticketmaster!!

My NCAA Bracket was so bad that my final score was defeated by the following:

*Mrs. B in T - didn't know she was in the frickin contest

*Three of my grandsons - baby Hans has not even been born!

*My Uncle Fred who passed away 37 years ago, not funny fam

*2345168espnbracketnerd

*7639214espncocainehead

*Mrs B in T’s old boyfriend from Blackwell, not sure how in the heck he entered into the contest!!

I have done my last bracket!

Ever!

Center News:

Boccia Ball update:

First of all thanks for all of those superstars who gave to help the team with their tournament trip costs!!  You have directly helped the Center for Individuals with Handicaps in Tulsa!!  Any complaints about the popcorn should be sent to P.O. Box ITSFORCHARITYBRO

RR 1, Blackwell, Ok

Bobbleheads:

B in T MLB

Cardinals

With the Redbirds farm system ranked in the top MLB 5, a number of local Post Dispatch folks are picking 20-year-old Jordan Walker to be the NL Rookie of the Year!!  The next 6’6” 250 lb Dave Winfield was seen using a bat as a toothpick during a spring game in early March!!  

Cubs

Third baseman Patrick Wisdom as a cleanup hitter sparks little fire in AAA baseball and none in the majors!!  

Astros

Second baseman David Hensley is no Altuve cuddle doll but will be serviceable until the All-star break!!  Prayers for the tiniest thumb in Houston!

Dodgers 

The Dodgers are only the 10th highest payroll in 2023 at 179.1 million!  Astros and Rangers at 9th and 8th highest payrolls!! At the upper end of the spectrum with the big dog media markets of the Yankees and inthe Mets spending around 300 mil on payroll!!  

Royals 

The Royals' payroll has been the smallest in baseball but with the new injection of owner John Sherman in 2019 the spending sprockets have moved them up 10 spots!!

Rangers

Arlington, Texas can be hellishly hot in August, and that is when the Rangers start sweltering and tanking!!  

Brewers

Abner Uribe (named after Abner Doubleday) throws 103 MPH, and is destined for AA ball until he masters the strike zone!!

Have a great sports week:

by B in T - FakedOutSports, syndicated in SoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

Sponsors: Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson & Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL) Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK) MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO) Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK Dr. Richard Stephens DDS Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU

Opening Day is Magical$$

Tulsa Football Fan Fest April 1, do not confuse with April Fool's day!!  No spring game, just a scrimmage and an introduction to the new Coach Kevin Wilson Era!!  The events will include the following:

Meet and greet the new coaches and players, kids games, face painting, nude blue and gold Mazzola wrestling(adults only), The 70s Kiss band's last performance with the Branson Ballknobbers as the warm-up band, and free calendars of shirtless TU assistant coaches for each month of the year!!  The first 1000 folks get the TU hunks calendars first!!  Get there early ladies!!

Tulsa football will do what it can to get the fans out for football!!

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Updates from our Boccia correspondent, Bill Bocciarhia, next week!!

B in T Rants:

Tulsa University basketball has endured a very shatty 2022-2023 season but not nearly as shatty as the Louisville Cardinals!

TU record 5-25 vs LU 4-28!  B in T and a friend went to the Tulsa senior night and were shocked to learn that this was not senior citizens get in free night!!  Ha!  Tulsa has one senior on the basketball team!  Is the fact that these players will be back a good or bad thing?  Buuuuuuut the Louisville Cardinal senior night was something for the ages with respect to basketball halftime shows!!  Of course, you can't go wrong with a frisbee and a dog!!  Unless the dog takes a massive shat on the Denny Crum court!!  And in mid-frisbee flight, omg!!  True story!  No shat!  Google it!  That's weird!

*Notice he leaves the poor frisbee by itself with the poop!

Original King Kong movie, 90 years ago, was a great flick from what I can remember watching!  Hehehe

Thanks, Mr. Trammel!

I believe I watched this at the Bowman Twin Theatre on 31st and Sheridan with a coupon for 25 cents from the Tulsa Tribune!!

I just discovered that my 1-year-old granddaughter has the same size diapers as I do! 

We are a very efficient family!

Heated Turf could be a possible link to brain cancer.

The Philadelphia Inquirer has just concluded a detailed investigation regarding 6 players who died of brain cancer on the Phillies baseball team in the early 2000s to current!  No players from the cold weather season Philadelphia Eagle football team has been affected by brain cancer.  Just the warm weather heat of summer baseball.  The Inquirer reported that the rate of brain cancer among former Phillies who played at Veterans Stadium from 1971-2003 “is about three times the average rate among adult men.”  The players are

The turf at Busch Stadium in St.Louis had reached the 142 degrees on one day in 1970 when a young B in T was on the field with his polaroid camera!!The Associated Press reported that a thermometer placed in Busch Stadium's artificial surface revealed a ground-level temperature of 152 degrees. 

This warning sign at a local little league should have been used on a larger scale now and then.

Early Father's Day gift!

Pooper picker upper cart!

Bobbleheads:

If your little one has a poopy diaper and won't stay still, then get a TU fluorescent light for only $19.99 and sleep all night!!  All donations will go to the new indoor football facility at Tulsa University!  Come on all you young TU yuppsters with 1 or more rugrats, bite the bullet and send $19.99 to Tulsa Indoor Football Facility

Care of: Mikie Dodson TU ‘80!

NCAA Basketball Tourney:

FINAL FOUR!🏀🏀🏀🏀

WHO!??

Almost perfect B in T Bracket:

FAU 71 San Diego State 68

Florida Atlantic a future opponent of TU, has one of the best Oceanographic school in the world!!  To play basketball at FAU u must be able to hold your breath underwater for 17 minutes at a depth of 3 football fields!!  True shat!!  The FAU Owls will deep-dive against the Miami Hurricanes for the National Championship of college basketball 🏀!!  My bracket was busted when I picked up my laddie ✏️ pencil to fill out my stinkin' first, pick!!  I hate brackets!!

Miami Hurricanes 81 UConn 72 

The Miami Hurricane coach is so cool!!  He coached in the final four 25 years ago when the baggy shorts look was hot!!  Coach Jim Laragana who resembled a poor man's, Jim Boeheim, outcoached UConn's coach Dan Hurley!!

B in T MLB:

OPENING DAY!

Cardinals

Guillermo Zuniga was clocked at 102 mph on 3 pitches thrown in a one-inning stint against the USA!  After watching him with the 2022 Tulsa Drillers, Zuniga should be a good closer for the Springfield AA team or the Memphis AAA team!  Control could be a concern!

Cubs

A young Chicago Cub Board member, Jim Wrigley the 5th, objected to a vote for a sale of the team to the My Pillow dude!  The board then reminded him, the Wrigley family has no voting rights!  The motion to sell to Pillow God passed and looks like Free Pillow Day at Wrigley in 2024!  And the Cubs lost their 12th straight opening day!!

Rangers

In the last two year's the payroll under new ownership has gone from big- to obscene contracts to players — Jacob deform, Marcus Semien, Corey Seager, Jon Gray, Nathan Eovaldi, Andrew Heaney — and convinced World Series-winning manager Bruce Bochy to come out of retirement!

Dodgers

Regarding the starting rotation, Julio Cruz is da main man!!  The rest of the rotation stays Dustin May, who starts Saturday’s getaway day came against the Royals at Camelback Ranch, will start the second game of the regular season, followed by Clayton Kershaw, Noah Syndergaard, and the fifth starter who according to my sources has just come out of retirement, yes Dodger great Fernando Valenzuela!!  

Royals

Zach Greinke for the second straight year is the opening-day starter!  Then an average older rotation makes young arms like Bubic and Lynch very important!

Brewers

The Brewers Christian Yelch is starting his tenth season of roaming the Brewer’s Beer Garden in centerfield!!

Astros

To replace Altuve for 2023 the Stros have brought Craig Biggio out of retirement!!  

Have a great sports week!

by B in T - FakedOutSports, syndicated in SoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

Sponsors: Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson & Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL) Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK) MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO) Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK Dr. Richard Stephens DDS Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU

Sweet Sixteen Candles!?

Arkansas Coach Musseless is no shirting the crowd to the final four??

Bryan in Tulsa

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Center Scoop:

The Center Art class is the bomb, dope and really neat dude!  Thanks to Lisa, the Art director that we hired from France, I now spend my time attempting to not suck in finger painting and clay!!  I am very quiet in this class to keep my artistic balance in sequence with my unfound talent or, lack there of!!

B in T Rants:

Ole Miss Rebels fired head coach Kermit Davis, unrelated to Kermit the Frog, after the team tailspin, and replaced him with a Tulsa native!!  Win Case, from Nathan Hale, OCU coach in the 80s, and a Bill Self-Paul Hansen protege will be the interim coach and should be the HC in my very humble opinion!

Bobbleheads

Weekend Papi CANDY tour:

Haircut - 🍪 chocolate kisses

Bank drive-in - 3 Suckers

Papa's toes done AKA Pedicure - gum drops 

Center front desk - candy easter eggs from Donna 

*Papa’s Monday weigh-in - bathroom scales must be wrong!

B in T Projected opening day lineups:

Cardinals:

Edman 6

O’Neill 8

Goldschmidt 3

Arenado 5

Contreras 2

Walker 9

Nootbaar 7

Gorman DH

Donovan 4

Dodgers:

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

$$$$

Cubs:

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I suggest skipping this next part and going straight to the funny sports!

B in T Mission Statement

After my stroke 10 years ago I started the sports writing stuff!  I always loved the Thursday football picker in the Tulsa World, so I kinda extended that into my writing!  I have had help from the best, Barry Lewis, Bill Haistens, Guerin Emig and Jimmy Trammel to become less sucky!  My one-day shot in the Pigskin Picker Thursday's football section has not happened yet but B in T has been quoted in the sports section a few times!!  Close enough!!  I like to write youthful vibes and maturing, old fartish vibes as well!!  I even have a few 90ish-year-old readers, friends, and relatives who are dear to B in T, and although we just lost great aunt Stella to the pearly gates; Boston College Bill, Aunt Pat, Uncle Thurston, and Uncle Jerry they are all still feisty as ever!!  I am blessed to have youthful readers below 40 years old who find this style of writing somewhat dope!!  Making this wide spectrum of folks take time out of their day to read and laugh is the B in T Mission Statement!

Just Announced: Classic 2024 will be at Grand Lake!  This year’s fish-a-thon is at Tennessee River in Knoxville!!  The fish weigh-in is expected to reach 40 tons of bass!!  The 2024 Grand Lake Classic, according to my fishing expert, Doug in Indiana, is expecting a 50-ton total from Grand!!

Silicone Lip Kissing over the Phone!

My first and only reaction to this is GROSS!

A new device out of China allows couples to share a kiss with "real" physical intimacy from anywhere in the world!

The device, which attaches to your phone, is equipped with a silicone mold of a person's lips that has sensors and actuators to mimic an actual kiss from your loved one!!  

Testosterone Levels for Dads:

(Research donated by the Center staff)

Normal - 350 to 500

Very High - 1,000ish

Example 1:

Dad taking their daughter to her first ballet recital and requested to wear a pink shirt to match the Tutu:   Testosterone Rating - negative 12

Example 2:

Dad taking 5-star stud son to Oklahoma recruiting day, meeting with 5 OU coaches, athletic director Castiglione, OU Pom Pon cheerleader, and a final meeting with Barry Switzer, and Bob Stoops!

Testosterone Rating - 2,500

B in T Sweet Sixteen Picks

Kansas State 76 Michigan State 72

This is as close to a team as B in T has left in the final 16 of this year’s ravaged bracket!!   One of my best besties once walked on at Mildcat U football in 1979!!  This young man survived 3 days in Manhattan, Kansas heat upon retiring from his football career!!  Close enough for homering for KState!

Arkansas 81 Uconn 70

The shirtless wonder, from Arkansas, coach Eric Musseless has had numerous sponsors request NOT to be seen in any pictures with said coach after further NCAA wins this season!!  After a hog win over the Huskies of UConn all hog staff will be authorized to take coach Musseless out with a tazor zap upon any indication of stripping!!

Is that Oliver Miller next to coach Musseless?

Texas 71 Xavier 66

Wake up all my Longhorn fans, we are one win from the final four!!  In BASKETBALL!!  It has been centuries since Texas has been relevant in basketball and decades since relevant in FOOTBALL!!  So live it up for one more week!!

B in T MLB

Cardinals

The Wainwright fastball has maxed out at 85 mph with the USA team but has confused the international batters with his 67 mph off-speed stuff, for now!!  Strongest arm on the St iorsLouis Cardinal team, not 101 mph closer Ryan Helsey, and not 103.5 mph reliever Jordan Hicks!!  Twenty-year-old rookie SS Mavis Winn (who has been mentioned a few hundred times in B in T) throws harder from short than any player ever recorded!!  In the minors last year he threw 101 mph to 1B which is equivalent to 105.8 mph off of a mound!!

I told u!

Cubs

The Cubs starting pitchers led by Stroman and Hendricks must have an ERA of 1.00 to offset their endemic offense and horrid relievers!!  If this ‘never been done before anomaly ‘ occurs the Cubbers might reach .500 in 2023!!

Rangers

With Simeon, Seager, Lowe, and Garcia at 1, 2, 3, and 4, and who knows at 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, the group of 4 will have to knock in 225 runs.......apiece!

Dodgers

Loss of Belanger heart ❤️ throb has cost the Dodger's marketing department millions of jack!!  The season ticket allotment for young ladies has dropped drastically to 68 from 4,575 young spice girls since Bellager’s departure!!  Total Dodger imaging income dropped 375% after Belanger’s bye-bye!

Royals

Catcher Salvador Perez not only is an All-Star catcher but has a giant outdoor grill cook-off at the end Royal spring game, for the entire farm system!!

Brewers

Astros

Bad news when the lovable Altuve was nailed on his wittle bitty thumb by a 96 mph fastball in last week's exhibition game.  He is expected back by the All-star break!  Good luck little fella!!  By the way, aunt Donna from Houston locked herself in the bedroom with a wine box for 3 days after the news of Altuve’s injury!

Have a great sports week!

Bryan in Tulsa

by B in T - FakedOutSports, synSoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

Sponsors: Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson & Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL) Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK) MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO) Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK Dr. Richard Stephens DDS Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU