Arkansas Coach Musseless is no shirting the crowd to the final four??
Bryan in Tulsa
FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM
Center Scoop:
The Center Art class is the bomb, dope and really neat dude! Thanks to Lisa, the Art director that we hired from France, I now spend my time attempting to not suck in finger painting and clay!! I am very quiet in this class to keep my artistic balance in sequence with my unfound talent or, lack there of!!
B in T Rants:
Ole Miss Rebels fired head coach Kermit Davis, unrelated to Kermit the Frog, after the team tailspin, and replaced him with a Tulsa native!! Win Case, from Nathan Hale, OCU coach in the 80s, and a Bill Self-Paul Hansen protege will be the interim coach and should be the HC in my very humble opinion!
Bobbleheads
Weekend Papi CANDY tour:
Haircut - 🍪 chocolate kisses
Bank drive-in - 3 Suckers
Papa's toes done AKA Pedicure - gum drops
Center front desk - candy easter eggs from Donna
*Papa’s Monday weigh-in - bathroom scales must be wrong!
B in T Projected opening day lineups:
Cardinals:
Edman 6
O’Neill 8
Goldschmidt 3
Arenado 5
Contreras 2
Walker 9
Nootbaar 7
Gorman DH
Donovan 4
Dodgers:
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Cubs:
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I suggest skipping this next part and going straight to the funny sports!
B in T Mission Statement
After my stroke 10 years ago I started the sports writing stuff! I always loved the Thursday football picker in the Tulsa World, so I kinda extended that into my writing! I have had help from the best, Barry Lewis, Bill Haistens, Guerin Emig and Jimmy Trammel to become less sucky! My one-day shot in the Pigskin Picker Thursday's football section has not happened yet but B in T has been quoted in the sports section a few times!! Close enough!! I like to write youthful vibes and maturing, old fartish vibes as well!! I even have a few 90ish-year-old readers, friends, and relatives who are dear to B in T, and although we just lost great aunt Stella to the pearly gates; Boston College Bill, Aunt Pat, Uncle Thurston, and Uncle Jerry they are all still feisty as ever!! I am blessed to have youthful readers below 40 years old who find this style of writing somewhat dope!! Making this wide spectrum of folks take time out of their day to read and laugh is the B in T Mission Statement!
Just Announced: Classic 2024 will be at Grand Lake! This year’s fish-a-thon is at Tennessee River in Knoxville!! The fish weigh-in is expected to reach 40 tons of bass!! The 2024 Grand Lake Classic, according to my fishing expert, Doug in Indiana, is expecting a 50-ton total from Grand!!
Silicone Lip Kissing over the Phone!
My first and only reaction to this is GROSS!
A new device out of China allows couples to share a kiss with "real" physical intimacy from anywhere in the world!
The device, which attaches to your phone, is equipped with a silicone mold of a person's lips that has sensors and actuators to mimic an actual kiss from your loved one!!
Testosterone Levels for Dads:
(Research donated by the Center staff)
Normal - 350 to 500
Very High - 1,000ish
Example 1:
Dad taking their daughter to her first ballet recital and requested to wear a pink shirt to match the Tutu: Testosterone Rating - negative 12
Example 2:
Dad taking 5-star stud son to Oklahoma recruiting day, meeting with 5 OU coaches, athletic director Castiglione, OU Pom Pon cheerleader, and a final meeting with Barry Switzer, and Bob Stoops!
Testosterone Rating - 2,500
B in T Sweet Sixteen Picks
Kansas State 76 Michigan State 72
This is as close to a team as B in T has left in the final 16 of this year’s ravaged bracket!! One of my best besties once walked on at Mildcat U football in 1979!! This young man survived 3 days in Manhattan, Kansas heat upon retiring from his football career!! Close enough for homering for KState!
Arkansas 81 Uconn 70
The shirtless wonder, from Arkansas, coach Eric Musseless has had numerous sponsors request NOT to be seen in any pictures with said coach after further NCAA wins this season!! After a hog win over the Huskies of UConn all hog staff will be authorized to take coach Musseless out with a tazor zap upon any indication of stripping!!
Is that Oliver Miller next to coach Musseless?
Texas 71 Xavier 66
Wake up all my Longhorn fans, we are one win from the final four!! In BASKETBALL!! It has been centuries since Texas has been relevant in basketball and decades since relevant in FOOTBALL!! So live it up for one more week!!
B in T MLB
Cardinals
The Wainwright fastball has maxed out at 85 mph with the USA team but has confused the international batters with his 67 mph off-speed stuff, for now!! Strongest arm on the St iorsLouis Cardinal team, not 101 mph closer Ryan Helsey, and not 103.5 mph reliever Jordan Hicks!! Twenty-year-old rookie SS Mavis Winn (who has been mentioned a few hundred times in B in T) throws harder from short than any player ever recorded!! In the minors last year he threw 101 mph to 1B which is equivalent to 105.8 mph off of a mound!!
I told u!
Cubs
The Cubs starting pitchers led by Stroman and Hendricks must have an ERA of 1.00 to offset their endemic offense and horrid relievers!! If this ‘never been done before anomaly ‘ occurs the Cubbers might reach .500 in 2023!!
Rangers
With Simeon, Seager, Lowe, and Garcia at 1, 2, 3, and 4, and who knows at 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9, the group of 4 will have to knock in 225 runs.......apiece!
Dodgers
Loss of Belanger heart ❤️ throb has cost the Dodger's marketing department millions of jack!! The season ticket allotment for young ladies has dropped drastically to 68 from 4,575 young spice girls since Bellager’s departure!! Total Dodger imaging income dropped 375% after Belanger’s bye-bye!
Royals
Catcher Salvador Perez not only is an All-Star catcher but has a giant outdoor grill cook-off at the end Royal spring game, for the entire farm system!!
Brewers
Astros
Bad news when the lovable Altuve was nailed on his wittle bitty thumb by a 96 mph fastball in last week's exhibition game. He is expected back by the All-star break! Good luck little fella!! By the way, aunt Donna from Houston locked herself in the bedroom with a wine box for 3 days after the news of Altuve’s injury!
Have a great sports week!
Bryan in Tulsa
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