Bryan in Tulsa
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Bobblehead Sports:
Hurricane Ida cut our first family combo vacation short but made it very unforgettable!! The Family Clan of Bryan in Tulsa got out of Dauphine Island just before the electricity of the little island was turned off at midnight last Friday!! Our beautiful beach house was about 10 yards from the ocean and the 3 days of super beach fun turned into dark high waves!! Friday morning started with our 7-year-old Gus wanting to go out into the nasty waves and boogieboard but cooler heads prevailed when hurricane warnings started to hit all of our phones!! Thank God for technology and for our good friends who own the beach house and suggested we leave now!!! The local Mayor of Dauphin stated that the entire island electricity will be shut off for safety from high waters!! So off we went to the mainland or the nearest La Quinta in Shreveport stat!!! We saw hundreds of vehicles headed to help as we drove on interstate 10!! Red Cross, military, National Guard, electrical contractors from all over including Oklahoma headed to battle Ida as my family others left for safety!! Thank God for these volunteers who head straight into danger to save lives and put back the natural destruction of Hurricane season!!
B in T’s 8 NFL Projections:
- The Buc’s Tom Brady, divorces Giselle and marries himself!!
- Dallas Cowboys owner goes into a coma for 3 years, miraculously wakes up, and finds out his Cowboys had won 3 Super Bowls while he was in la-la land!! After hearing the news he went back into another coma!
- Arizona Cardinals and B in T bestie Zaven Collins win the Super Bowl and go to Disney World!!
- The Philadelphia Eagles will trade for an additional 5 QB's, leaving Jalen Hurts to exclaim ‘Hey I'm HERE!’
- Drew Brees comes out of retirement for one day and he is pulled back into retirement via an ass-kicking by his wife!!
- DeShaun Watson of the Houston Texans, I think, is currently on some double-secret suspension for wrongly touching 30 young ladies! Deshaun will be suspended for the entire year and become a backup in the XFL!
- San Fransisco QB Jimmy Garoppolo is put on waivers and becomes a male gigolo in West San Fran!! He is later picked up by the Ottawa Roughriders in the CFL!!
- Rookie superstar Trevor Lawrence has a below-average first year for the Jags and shaves all of his hair!! Jaguar haters hope he becomes a Monk!!
Dear Center for the Physically Limited Staff: As a member with a limited number of verbal warnings, Bryan in Tulsa has a few ideas for our folks to enjoy the Center more!
- Mixed Synchronized swimming
- Staff mudwrestling contest, a fundraiser that is much more exciting than a bake sale!
- Instead of a suggestion box we should have a bitch and complain box!
- Cappuccino machine or Starbucks, this is currently under discussion with corporate Wendi!
- Tulsa Speedway night for the Center!! Watching cars run 🏃 in circles is very therapeutic!
B in T College Picks:
Tulsa 42 UC Davis 9
Tulsa can start this season early with a win and get the Missisisippi State street thugs out of their system!! Tulsa QB Davis Brinn completed 20-28 passes for 277 yards and 3 TD's and 1 pick! This year the Tulsa team will wear a giant golden anchor around their neck after an exceptional play on defense!! Stud defensive lineman Jaxon Player occasionally wears 2 anchors at a time!! No shat broh!! The Happy Timers Golden Hurricane Club met at Roosevelts Bar and reserved the Tikki Room before the game!! This age 70 to 100 group became upset when a group of young yuppie Blue Domers tried to sit in the Tikki room!! Fred and Thelma Tittleson, two retired Circuit Judges from TU, emmidiately had the Blue Domers evicted by the Tulsa Sherriffs office!! After the small melee a Silver Alert was announced in the Blue Dome for Tom and Myrtle Greysnapper who had been missing from Roosevelts since 5:00!! An hour later they were found with the UC Davis Aggie fans at the Buccaneer Bar!! The Silver was turned off and all was great in TU land!!
Oklahoma 55 at Tulane 13
An 11 AM ABC kickoff and in Norman, Oklahoma instead of New Orleans where Hurricane Ida bore down and caused damage!! Numerous Tulane players were excited to head to Norman Wednesday and have steak dinners and extreme breakfasts and lunches!! Each Tulane player was given massages to help them cope with Hurricane Ida mentally!! The visitor locker rooms at OU were made of mahogany with a Bose sound system!! OU million-dollar NIL man Spencer Rattler throws an around-the-back pass for a touchdown and immediately signs a deal with Ultimate Frisbee USA for 250k for 1 year!!
Ohio State 48 at Minnesota 17
Ohio State Coach Day is a super coach with more talent than he knows what to do with!! Like Sooner Coach Riley, Coach Day has the next two classes of Quarterbacks already committed to the Buckeyes!! The Golden Gophers are a middle of the road heading up, but no match for the Buckeyes!’
Oklahoma State 62 Missouri State 14
The Bears of Mizzou State are known as the whipping post for the Cowboys and Sooners!! Simply pay the team 1M and they will line up for the kickoff and get their butt whipping!!! QB Spencer Sanders looks like Heisman material against a secondary the averages 4.70 in the 40-yard dash!! Pick a number for the outcome! Jenks or Union would run the clock in the 4th quarter!!
Arkansas 48 Rice 21
When the Vietnam faithful discovered that they must be vaccinated to attend the game on September 4, numerous hag fans turned in their tickets and said ‘we ain't goin’!!! An announced crowd of 12,134 called the hogs to the best of their ability!! Lines for the vaccine are growing slightly but the psychologist business is huge in Fayetteville!! Stay tuned!!
Kansas State 34 Stanford 31
The Stanford Cardinals landed in Manhattan and later discovered that the game was at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas!! Surprise, and how about those Stanford brainiacs!! Mildcats play tough, rough and boring football enough for a 3 point win!! The Veer offense is still a way of life in Manhattan, Kansas!!
Iowa 27 Indiana 24
Iowa upsets the Hoosiers by three points and five players from the Hawkeyes were arrested for disorderly conduct while chugging jaeger shots in there game jockstraps!!
Iowa State 48 Northern Iowa 24
Iowa State played their JV team in the first quarter got behind by two touchdowns!! Once QB Purdy orchestrated three straight touchdown drives, Clone Nation could breathe easy!! The Northern Iowa Chippewas were done by halftime!!
Texas 38 Louisiana 31
Both teams are ranked in the top 25!! Who cares! Texas new coach Sarkisian has 4 years to get the Shorthorns to SEC averageness!!
Clemson 35 Georgia 31
Clemson’s new quarterback Tzansiam Prohamashakakan and new freshman running back Will Shipley lead the Tigers to a hard-fought battle!!
B in T High School Picks:
Cushing 41 at Bristow 20
Nephew middle linebacker Caleb is in his Senior and has buffed out up to 230 and brings a wallop!! Bench pressing hogs at FFA competitions over the summer works for the strength coach!!
The Berlowitz twins transferred from Poland and are studs!!! Junior Blaze Berlowitz throws for 3 touchdowns and a dozen stiff arms!! Scouts are drooling!! North Texas likes him and offered him a separate contract for his arm alone!!
Mom O Meter- Bristow moms .988 Cushing moms .981
Unbelievable contest between two of the hottest and smartest moms in high school history!! The final score came down to the team cowbell-making contest!! The Bristow moms designed a cowbell shaped like a pirates head in hot
Pink!!!! The crowd erupted and grown women cried!!
B in T Diner of the week: Bristow -
The Beach House is a fixture on main street Bristow! Located at 223 S. Main Street, Bristow. This place claims to have the best chicken fried steak and okra casserole this side of Hugo!! Folks say that Ted Nugent and his road crew once had rhubarb pie there!! True shat!!
Holland Hall 42 Cascia Hall 32
Who's who in high school football private school fans might be in attendance! Holland Hall beef eaters demolished the Commandos!
Who's who supposedly seen at the Holland Hall vs Cascia Hall game:
- Leanardo DeCaprio seen in hotdog line in 1st quarter at Hardesty Field!
-Robert Dinero was seen at the game hobnobbing with Cascia coach Joe Medina!!
-Ex TUer Jerry Ostroski and son Owen were signing autographed plastic footballs for 10$ a piece!! Yea NIL!
Bixby 42 at Jenks 31
Bixby’s all-world players TE Hanz and running back Pressley score 6 touchdowns between them and signed autographs with pictures for 15 dollars each for the Spartan Club fundraiser!! No NIL was disclosed but the Spartan Club just bought a 46 ft Rialta touring bus for road trips!! This Rialta is equipped with a disco dancing DJ, wet bar, and dancing poles!!
Bishop Kelley 31 Sand Springs 20
The BK offensive line is anchored by Cash Hudson who ran over Sandite players like they were squashed armadillos on a New Mexico highway!!
Oklahoma City Patriot Home School 27 Blackwell 20
A number of the Blackwell players were noticeably upset after a tough game!! Their anxiety was quickly uplifted when the bus pulled into the Hooters on Penn Street after the game!!
Union 42 Broken Arrow 34
The Union Mamas are a hardcore core booster club that has moms, grandmas, aunts, great aunts, and great-grandmas!! This club is mostly made of 85% Jiujitsu aqua belts!! Do not mess with these girls!! A couple of the Union great aunts got in a shouting match with some BA coaches walking into the stadium!! The Union great aunts told the BA coaching staff they had big butts!! Cooler heads prevailed when new BA coach Josh Blankenship cooled down the ladies from Union!!
BTW 36 at Del City 35
Del City is one of the better football schools in 6AII and usually has Booker Ts number!! Not this year, BTW talent shines through and they win with a last-minute 43-yard field goal!!
Owasso 52 Fayetteville Piglets 13
The Owasso defensive team set a Guinness World record by eating 1,123 junior bean burritos from Taca Tico!! Defensive coordinator and future Hale High School head coach Antonio Graham had 11 burritos and was in the lead until his wife made him quit! More dominance by the Rams!!
Tonkawa 27 Newkirk 20
Town mayor Charlie who happens to be a cousin by marriage to Mrs. B in T has set aside a seat for each home game for the urban legend BIGFOOT!!! This little fundraiser receives National Coverage by FOX and CNN when a figure shows up at an empty stadium on camera!! The 7ft., fury figure was caught on camera!! The Tonkawa Booster Club had a great fundraiser thanks to cousin Charlie!!
Have a great sports week!
Bryan in Tulsa
FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM
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