Faked Out Sports/B in T
ONE WEEK TILL FULL BLOWN COLLEGE FOOTBALL ARRIVES IN YOUR CITY!!!
Sports Notes ‘bout nuthin!!!
Would Sooner Fans Really Name Their Newborn ’Baker’?
2018 Oklahoma Census data reveals the following Newborns in Oklahoma: named ’Baker’: 48
Named ’Mayfield’: 7
Named ’Fayetteville Halt Police’ 2
Named ’Kansas” Crotchgrab III: 2
Named ’Tucker Fexas’ or Tuck Fexas for short: 1
Projected 2020 Census Newborn Names in Oklahoma:
Named: ’Baker’: 452
Named: ’Kyler’: 67
Named: ’Jalen’ 45
Named: ’Cee Dee’ 26
Names: ’Dallas Lincoln’ Assuming OU coach takes Dallas job after winning National Championship!
12 in Oklahoma
234 in Texas
NFL Teams covered by B in T 2019-2020:
Dallas Cowboys
Kansas City Chiefs
Cleveland Browns
Houston Texans
Denver Broncos
Arizona Cardinals
Note: The creator of this B in T crap has a birthday this week!! Shhhhhh do not tell anyone, thus he will not get a year older!! If no one recognizes the Bday then you stay the same age for another year!! I heard this on the show ’Stranger Things’ so it MUST be true!!
More B in T and FOS 2019 College Football Top 5sssss!!
Top 5 Honey doos that must be done before opening day football game!!
- Buy 3 dozen roses, chocolates, and wine for significant other the day before THE GAME BRO DUDE!!!
- Mow your yard, your in-law's yard and your parent's yard before THE GAME BROMEISTER!! Also, trim and edge!!
- Make sure the entire house is vacuumed, dusted (with Pledge), and windows cleaned (with Windex), BEFORE THE GAME BRO!!
- Brush all dogs and cats and make sure poop is cleaned up BEFORE GAMETIME BRO-SKI!!!
- Take your significant other’s SUV through a Mista Clean car wash and DO NOT go cheapo with the 5$ wash, you must do the 25$ interior/exterior wash and wax!! If you go cheapo, 1-4 above will have been done for not, so suck it up buttercup and pay the 25 dollars for the Super Clean and enjoy your football weekend!! ALL THIS MUST BE DONE BEFORE KICKOFF BROHIEMER!!
1st B in T COLLEGE PICKS!
Florida 38 Mami 27 (Orlando, Florida)
The game was played at the neutral site by the entrance to the Magic Kingdom in Disney World!! ESPN GameDay crew will be there with Lee Corso wearing a Donald Duck head during the entire show! No one knew the difference!! GameDay ladies man Kirk Herbstreit was seen having dinner with Minnie Mouse at a fine restaurant in the Epcot, Italy area!! All patrons purchasing a Disney Cruise or a 5-day 4-night Disney package, will receive a ticket to the game and Mickey Mouse ears!! Regarding the actual game, Miami new coach Manny Diaz will will not have to worry about new quarterback Tate Martell (transfer from Ohio State) having too much pressure to start for his Hurricanes!! Instead, he is starting red/shirt freshman Jaren Williams!! No pressure young man!! The Miami offense has some weapons but the Gator defense is deep and talented!! The Hurricane defense will eventually succumb to the talented Gator offense!! I'm going to ESPN Gameday Disney World!!!!!!
Arizona 48 at Hawaii 23
Arizona quarterback stud Khalil Tate throws for 425 yards against the Warriors and Coach Sumlin looks fantastic in his Tommy Bahama Hawaiian shirt!! Warrior QB Cole McDonald was sacked 5 times and was trying to get off the island by the final sack!!
1st B in T HIGH SCHOOL PICK
Heritage Hall 28 at Holland Hall 21
Two double H private schools for an early start to the 2019 high school football season!! Both teams are loaded with talent and loaded with parents that are loaded!! Numerous rumors are spreading that Pumpkin Man will be their handing out edibles!!! Currently, the over/under on the number of Infinity Qs in the HH parking lot is 567, B in T is not a gambler but would take the over if he were to be!!
FOS Bobbleheads:
B in T took his son in law and 2 of his grandkid bobbleheads to a Driller Game against the Cardinal’s farm club last week!! The game-time temperature was 99 degrees and the Ana and Gus really did not care!! They were excited to be at the baseball game!! Their father is from Brazil and played golf at TU, where he met my youngest daughter and created two of B in Ts 5 soon to be grandkid bobbleheads!! Gus asked many questions from what is that ugly thing called Ornsby wearing the Driller jersey to is Ormsby male or female??!! My good friend Gary, who works at Driller stadium, surprised the kids by giving them two game balls!! The bobbleheads were awesome, the food was awesome, the seats were awesome and the weather was very hot, but a very memory-filled evening in downtown Tulsa!!
The youth football little bobbleheads start their season on Saturday the 24th of August!! The anticipation for the first game if these little whippersnappers can be overwhelming!! The parents must have their kids at the game 1 hour before game time to prepare for weigh-in!! Linemen wanting to run with the ball or even touch the ball must be under a certain weight!! If your 5th grader weighs 290 then they are not allowed to carry the ball!! In the INFC you may only have 3 coaches with official badges on the sidelines!! This rule is broken often, especially in the younger grades!! Moms and dads become immediate coaches when the team sucks or when their toddler does not receive his allotted number of plays or field time!! Parents do not want to hear that their son, Billy Bob, really does not want to go in or is in physical danger when on the football field!! Suck it up parents and listen to your coaches and most of all listen to your child!!
FOS Bobblehead Picks
Jenks Maroon 2nd Grade 30 Glenpool White 2nd Grade 6
Numerous Jenks High school varsity coaches attended this game to see the young Jenks phenom known only as Bubba!! Some of the team fathers say that Bubba can throw a football sixty yards!! No one on Jenks Maroon can catch it! Actually no one in the entire INFC 2nd grade can catch his throws!!
Pryor 3rd Grade 26 Broken Arrow White 3rd Grade 20
A large Tiger Stadium crowd of about 2 thousand fans showed up in the August heat for this 11 am game!! The Pryor parents, although in the middle of the Bible Belt, brought wine and margarita spritzers stating that it was past 11 am and get out of our faces bro!!! The Broken Arrow football players inadvertently grabbed some if the Pryor kids Sushi snacks causing a number of the Pryor youth and parents to cry, quite a bit!! The BA parents and children apologized and offered the Pryor team some Twinkies with low-fat cream fillings!! Everyone was happy in Pryor!!
Bixby White 4th Grade 20 at Owasso Red 12
The Bixby team was late to weigh-in and penalized 15 yards on the opening kickoff!! Evidently, the Bixby parents decided to have team breakfast at Shoneys Restaurant in Tulsa at 23rd and Sheridan at 7 am!! After blowing up the Shoneys breakfast bar the team and coaches headed to the Owasso High School!!
On the highway to Owasso, a cattle truck overturned and a number of cows we're loose on the highway!! A number of the Bixby coaches and players helped the cattle off the road by simply rubbing their tummies!! This maneuver was acquired by the FFA classes in the Bixby school system!! Moral of this story if you rub a cows tummy don't be late to football weigh-in!!
FOS MLB
Dear Cardinals:
Please make your mind up whether you are a contender for the National League Central or not!! I am running out of edibles so I need to know if you are a player for the playoffs or not!!
Sincerely,
’Concerned fan’
Dear Astros:
Please do not peak too soon! I here that once a month! Hehehe! Save some of your wins and home runs for the playoffs!!
Sincerely,
’Constipated fan’
Words of wisdom from the unwise one!! If you are a single male and hang out by the girl's restroom at a bar, then welcome to nerdville, dude!
Have a great sports week!!
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