Bryan in Tulsa
🍾🎉HAPPY NEW YEAR🍾🎉
FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM
Bobblehead Family:
**Fraternity Family version**
Pheasant Under Glass
A few years ago one of my Frat bros who lives in a snow side mansion in Colorado with his model wife had an incident with a pheasant and a radiator!! He was driving home with his hot wife Latrella from a Denver showing of ‘Hamilton the Ripper’ when a loud bird screech and a thud was heard! Brother Mark seemed startled and pulled over to assess the situation!! A large pheasant had flown to his death into Mark’s 2022 Electric Mercedes Truck’s radiator!! Bloody pheasant carnage covered the I70 highway! Brother Mark did not want to touch the pheasant remains in the radiator and paid a young man 20$ to remove the pheasant!! The young man wanted 30 bucks and retired banker Mark sternly offered 10! They settled for 20 bucks and Mark allowed the young man to take the partial pheasant home for dinner, explaining that pheasant under glass is amazing!! All ends well except for the pheasant!! see above!!
B in T Notes:
5 New Year Resolutions for Football Husbands and/or Boyfriends:
- Resolution 1. Husband to never invite a few dudes from work for a watch party in 2022 - last time 60 showed up - lots of death rays shot out of wife’s eyes - you might lose your left ball that night!
- Resolution 2. Husband to keep the lid down on the toilet seat all of 2022 or go outside deeeeaaaar!
- Resolution 3. Husband may not at any time offer to take a wife or girlfriend to dinner at a nice restaurant in August 2022 and walk in on a fantasy draft party 🎉!! Both testicles could be placed in a 7 inch Craftsman Electric Vice Grip!
- Resolution 4. In 2022 Husbands or Boyfriends may not force or guilt wives or girlfriends to make tailgate food 🍕 or brownies without a bribe such as flowers 🌸or pedicures throughout the football season!!
- Resolution 5. In 2022 we swear as true football husbands and/or boyfriends to not say bad words or expel fumes from the buttocks area during family events while football is being watched on TV!! Penalty for not abiding this resolution - CASTRATION! No shat bro!
Urban Meyer Goes Back to College:
Fired 2-12 Jacksonville Jaguars coach Urban Meyer has no one to blame but himself!! The punishing and caustic rule over the team by Meyer has caused him numerous negative media stories. His hard core antics do not work in the NFL and are becoming antiquated in college football as well. He possibly might make a run at politics, perhaps the street refuse commissioner of Columbus, Ohio! He is too much for the high school coaching scene and probably destined for the Fox Sports lineup when Bob Stoops gets the Jaguar job!! Hahaha! OU Bob does not want the Jaguar gig!!
College Basketball Picks!
ORU 81 Denver 58
The Flying Eagles 🦅 of ORU are not a one man team according to Max Abmas who scores 63% of their points this season, we share the ball equally!! I call bunk poop on that, Max! Max < 3 = shoot the ball!! This means that if Max Abmas has 3 or fewer folks covering him, he will shoot da ball!
Oklahoma State 78 at Texas Tech 72 State has more athletes but Tech has more coaches with Armani suits!!
Oklahoma 88 Kansas State 77
Coach Mosier and the OU Student section are in love!! The Mosier Maniacs wore Leslie Nielsen (Airplane movie) masks in honor of the Bruce Weber look alike!
Baylor 77 at Iowa State 74
The Clones missed a 30-foot bank shot to tie the game at the buzzer!! The fans were more upset when they discovered they would be spending the evening in Hilton Colosseum due to 20 inches of snowfall!!
Memphis 68 Tulsa 65
Tulsa played close but came up short to the NBA talented but Y league coached Memphis Tigers!!
B in T Bowl Picks:
Tax Slayer Gator Bowl
Texas A&M 34 Wake Forest 21
The Aggies are breathing easy that there 10 million a year, 8-4 record coach did not land an LSU or Notre Dame job.........yet! Or are they sad he is not a coach for another team!! Did Santa bring coach Jimbo Fisher toys or coal this year?
Bowl Gifts - Lifetime Tax Slayer tax work valued at 499.99$ - Dicks Sporting Goods gift card valued at 200$
Outback Bowl- Tampa, Florida
Arkansas 31 Penn State 27
The sponsor, Outback Steakhouse, again handed out 60,000 free Blooming Onion coupons! Fifteen folks were admitted to Tampa Mercy Hospital with minor injuries after a crowd smashed into the local Outback rushing to get the freebie onion rings!! Arkansas QB K.J. Jefferson passed and rushed through the Nittany Lions defense similar to the Outback melee!!
Bowl Gifts: 60” Vizio TV combo icemaker - $650 value - a lifetime supply of 50% off coupons to Tallys Tampa cannabis shops - 52,000$ value if used every day for 50 years!!
PlayStation Fiesta Bowl
Oklahoma State 27 Notre Dame 21
Rugged midwestern no-nonsense OK State dudes against eastern private school preppies with polished gold Irish helmets. Cowboy linebacker Malcolm Rodriguez tackled the ND quarterback and halfback cuz he was not sure which had the ball on the read-option play!
Player Gifts: complete PlayStation game with virtual life-size players worth 450,000$!! Mazios Pizza coupon valued at 25$!!
Goodyear Cotton Bowl
Semi-Final
Alabama 38 Cincinnati 31
Coach Grumpy Saban refused to answer any questions regarding his relationship with the AFLAC Duck!! After a reporter from the Dallas Morning Star asked him if the AFLAC star duck’s name was Maybelle, he stormed off the media podium and gave the audience the bird!! True story, ask anyone or any duck you know!!
Player Gifts: a set of Goodyear radial snow tires with snow chains valued at 500$ and two tickets to a Dallas Cowboy preseason 2022 game - 50$ for the pair!!
Capital One Orange Bowl
Semi-Final
Georgia 26 Michigan 21
Georgia coach Smart guaranteed a victory over the Wolverines!! Coach Khaki of Michigan guaranteed that he would be back coaching again next year till he loses against Ohio State and he is terminated 5 minutes after the game is over!!
Player Gifts: 400$ Gift card to Hooters Bar and Grill!! Gucci silk team boxer shorts - 150$
Vrbo Citrus Bowl
Iowa 27 Kentucky 18
The Iowa Hawkeyes have several players who have never seen a beach or Disney World!! After fun in the sun, several Hawkeye players were stuck with 5-degree sunburns!! Several new Sunscreen sponsors were signed immediately!
Player Gifts: A lifetime supply of Coppertone Sunblock 10 valued at - 500$ and 150$ off of any Vrbo rental in Paris, France!
Rose Bowl
Ohio State 41 Utah 30
The Buckeyes offense is led by C.J. Stroud passing for 345 yards with 25-33 and 4 passing touchdowns and 1 running!! Brutus Buckeye's mascot head was stolen minutes before the game and found in a vat nacho cheese dip!! Buckeye fans wept!!
Player Gifts: Norelco Electric Shaver with power gliding heads for comfort - 100$ Magnum Condoms 1 year supply valued at 4.99 Lifetime supply of Gas-X valued at 600$
NFL picks:
Chiefs 31 at Bengals 24
The Chiefs are red hot and things are all roses until the President of the Chiefs Fan Club received a certified letter from the office of President Biden to rid themselves of the ‘Chief’ name immediately or face prosecution to the nth degree!
Cowboys 34 Cardinals 31
Dallas GM Stephen Jones announced that the New Year's Eve party 🎉 has been moved to the Moonshine Bar in Frisco, Texas! Put all drinks on father Jerry’s Platinum American Express Card!
Bears 24 Giants 14
The Bears QB Justin Fields arm speed is a bit stronger than my great aunt Alma when I watched her ring a chicken's neck in ‘64!! True story!! Western Grove, Arkansas, Google it!
Steelers 34 Browns 24
The Browns could win their division or come in last, looks like they picked the latter!
Have a great sports week!
Bryan in Tulsa
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