Faked Out Sports: March 2020

Monday, March 30, 2020

Top 10 Things Not to Say During Coronavirus Pandemic

FOS Monday Start the Week With a Giggle!!

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FOS Recipe Kitchen:

Did you know that the recipe to make hand sanitizer is close to the recipe for Jello shots?! Just add raspberry Jello Mix and Captain Morgan Spice Rum!! Naw just kidding!! You don't need raspberry Jello, use any type!!

FOS 10 Things Not to Say During a Coronavirus Pandemic:

1. Have you gained weight?
2. Toilet Paper? My family has learned how to make do without it!
3. What was the Cardinal score yesterday?
4. We are out of brownie mixes at all of our stores sir.  WHAT!
5. How is the stock market doing?
6. If you expect an answer when talking to your dog or cat then you need to step outside of the Coronavirus Quarantine and breathe!!
7. Even though you are desperate do not date a zombie 🧟!
8. Joe Erotic is my idol!!  I want what he is on!!
9. The National Guard are at the front door, honey!!!!!
10. Family, we are playing Zombie Apocalypse tonight!!

yummmm

Stay safe and sassy FOS readers!

More to come! Thursday!!!!!!!

B, in T

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Sunday, March 29, 2020

Monday Night Football Makes Changes!

FOS /B in T

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FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:

FOS Is recommending NBA Commissioner Adam Silver for Democratic candidate for 2020 or 2024 President of the United States!! Smart dude!! Squirrelly looking but smart!!

Cubs and Cardinal Tickets for Sale!!!

FOS has two tickets for sale for the Cards and Cubs series in London!! Just ignore the Coronavirus because you will probably be the only two folks at the Wembley Stadium!! I am only asking 25 dollars apiece for the tickets which include hazmat suits and dental masks from Jami B in T!! Give me a call if interested.

FOS Rumors:

New Monday Night Football crew will be Al Michaels, Peyton Manning, and SNL Weekend Update host Colin Jost!! Ozzie Osborne will do the ’Rowdy Friends’ song and the sideline reporter will be Broadway Joe Namath!! Congrats to ABC/ESPN for having some balls...... finally!!😃😃

B in T SPECIAL CORONAVIRUS EDITION:

Way, Way too Early FOS College Football Top 25!!

Clemson- QB nicknamed ’Sunshine’!
Ohio State- loves to beat up Harbaugh!
LSU- Must replace Captain America QB!
Alabama- Defense will be scary good!
Oklahoma- Spencer ”the Snake” Rattler is fo real!
Penn State- ugly jerseys!
Georgia- New QB is key!!
Florida- Seeper for the final four!
Oregon- The Ducks have purty uniforms!
Notre Dame- Coach Kelly has more lives than Felix my late cat!!
Wisconsin- O/Line averages 346 lbs and are all Vegans!
Texas A&M- Ranked high by B in T simply to keep relatives happy!
Minnesota- First Big 10 team in history to have a back that runs a 4.5 forty yard dash!
Michigan- Harbaugh is eyeing the NY Giants job in 2021!
Cincinnati- Speed kills!
Auburn- Coach Malzone spread offense is getting old!
Texas- Coach Herman’s mansion with a moat is for sale!
Oklahoma State- The big three Poke players on offense will be bitchin!
Virginia Tech- Coach Fuente is a stud! Go Union Redskins!
Iowa State- best team managers in the Big 12!
Tulsa- Homer pick but watch out AAC!!
Baylor- Coach sweater vest coat is gone to the NFL!
Memphis- Beale Street is fun!
Broken Arrow- Coach Alexander is a stud and he may actually read this shat!!
Kansas State- this team will be running the winged T!

Also receiving votes:

Iowa 323, Bixby 256, Hawaii 220, Owasso 166, TCU 128, Tulsa Union 98, Houston 68, Jenks 42, Vanderbilt 31, Arkansas 20, Tonkawa 11, Blackwell 1

FOS Oklahoma Heisman Hopefull Spencer Rattler Nickname Recommendations:

Spencer ’The Snake’ Rattler

Spencer ’Gunner’ Rattler

Spencer ’2 AND DONE’ Rattler

Spencer ’Heisman Freshman’ Rattler

Spencer ’Cannon’ Rattler

Spencer ’Little Mahomes’ Rattler

I like ❤️ cute little Mahomes!

New Sooner Schooner for 2020 Football!!

After the Sooner Schooner tipped over last year the Rufneks have slowed down a bit and will add a roll bar to the new 2020 Sooner Schooner!!

Note: The Rufneks will no longer be able to drag pledges on the turf until they scream out all of the OU Heisman winners for the last 75 years!!

Certain Items Must Be Rationed During Coronavirus Quartine:

Aquafina Water- my yuppie daughters need Aquafina to survive!!
3 Ply Toilet Paper- trust me!
Brownies with green seeds! Ha!
Trojan condoms- really B in T.....!
Liquor- Nah just drink it! 🍸🍻🥃
Pet treats- do not give your pet Pit Bull more than one treat per day...........unless he looks at your leg as though it were a piece of Ribeye Steak!!
Fiber Bars- one-half bar per day (no more) Tough, I usually do 3!
AGAIN: Brownies with green seeds! You can never have enough!
FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM You can always ration some giggles!

FOS Bobbleheads:

The B in T grandchildren 5 have been quarantined away from Papa B in T for his protection due to his stroke! So, fortunately, my new phone has a gadget called Facetime!! This can be like crack to us old farts who want to see their grandkids every 3 hours!! Hehehe! This can also be annoying to the parents of the grandkids or our sons and daughters who have to get these calls from Papa daily!! I sure love ❤️ my new phone!! Thanks, Mrs. B in T for a wonderful anniversary gift!!

FOS NCAA Division I Tournament:

Words of Wisdom from the unwise one!!

Keep the fire in your heart burning through all of this Coronavirus crap!!

Have a great sports less week!!

soonerpolitics.org

FOS/B in T

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Sunday, March 22, 2020

The Picker Picks 2020 Top 25!

B in T SPECIAL CORONAVIRUS EDITION:

Mr. and Mrs. B in T's 35th Wedding Anniversary is TODAY!

We met at Peppers Bar and Grill, so tonight we will get delivery from
Peppers, have a chilled bottle of bubbly, turn the fire on and watch Narcos Mexico!!
So..... FU Coronavirus!!

Way, Way too Early FOS College Football Top 25!!

Clemson- QB nicknamed ’Sunshine’!
Ohio State- loves to beat up Harbaugh!
LSU- Must replace Captain America QB!
Alabama- Defense will be scary good!
Oklahoma- Spencer ”the Snake” Rattler is fo real!
Penn State- ugly jerseys!
Georgia- New QB is the key!!
Florida- Seeper for the final four!
Oregon- The Ducks have purty uniforms!
Notre Dame- Coach Kelly has more lives than Felix my late cat!!
Wisconsin- O/Line averages 346 lbs and are all Vegans!
Texas A&M- Ranked high by B in T simply to keep relatives happy!
Minnesota- First Big 10 team in history to have a back that runs a 4.5 forty yard dash!
Michigan- Harbaugh is eyeing the NY Giants job in 2021!
Cincinnati- Speed kills!
Auburn- Coach Malzone spread offense is getting old!
Texas- Coach Herman’s mansion with a moat is for sale!
Oklahoma State- The big three Poke players on offense will be bitchin!
Virginia Tech- Coach Fuente is a stud! Go Union Redskins!
Iowa State- best team managers in the Big 12!
Tulsa- Homer pick but watch out AAC!!
Baylor- Coach sweater vest coat is gone to the NFL!
Memphis- Beale Street is fun!
Broken Arrow- Coach Alexander is a stud and he may actually read this shat!!
Kansas State- this team will be running the winged T!

Also receiving votes:

Iowa 323, Bixby 256, Hawaii 220, Owasso 166, TCU 128, Tulsa Union 98, Houston 68, Jenks 42, Vanderbilt 31, Arkansas 20, Tonkawa 11, Blackwell 1

B, in T

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Tulsa Target Store Toilet Paper Thief is Caught!!

FOS/B in T

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FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:

”Humor in stressful times can be difficult but a necessity” - Red Skelton

Trump Toilet Paper Thieves at Tulsa Super Target!!

A good friend of ours works at Target and was asked by a rather large woman if there was toilet paper in the stock room since the shelves were empty!? Our friend the Target Rep explained that they are usually gone before they hit the shelf and the Target toilet paper truck will be here in two days but will be gone in two minutes!! The lady simply went into the ladies restroom at Target and jacked 5 rolls of Trump toilet paper and used her electric handicap cart to knock over a few displays and a security guard on her way out of the store!! She was arrested by the Tulsa Police on 81st and Memorial with the toilet paper and the electric cart!! Shat happens!!

Coronavirus is Badass!

No Sports? Take this time to get to know your partner!!

Hashtag/flowersdinnerspecialbrownies

FOS is projecting a ton of newborns around the Holiday Season this year!! Hashtag/nosportsmakewoopie

No toilet paper?!! Ration you TP starting today!

Hashtag/S.S.D.D. (same shat different day)

Tulsa Mayor states no crowd gatherings of more than 10!

Hashtag/boccetourneycancelledworldwide

Wash your hands for 15 minutes at least!

Hashtag/feettoo

All restaurants and bars are closing!!

Hashtag/stripjointsaliveandkicking

FOS Rumors:

*Rumor has it that New England QB Tom Brady is heading to Dallas to join forces with Bob Stoops and the Dallas Renegades of the XFL!! Dana White, XFL and UFC mogul, has Tommy boy on speed dial!! Looks like Tampa Bay is now in the XFL!!!

*Rumor has it that TU Basketball Coach Haith will be next coach at Lehigh University and Tulsa is putting together a package for Bill Self that includes a Southern Hills membership and a Yacht at Keystone Lake!! No shat!! I promise!!

*Rumor has it for all of my FOS Chicago Bears readers, the Halas family trust representatives had breakfast with supposedly retired Eli Manning!! Mr. Manning could back up Mitch Trubinsky and mentor this square-jawed Robo QB!!

*Rumor has it that Texas Tech coach Chris Beard hires two more assistant coaches and becomes the first division 1 basketball team with 20 assistant coaches in Harold's suits on the bench!! True stuff Maynard!

*Rumor has it that the Center sponsored Boccia Travel Team will not be traveling on any cruise ships or airline flights due to the Coronavirus threat this summer!! We have canceled the South Korean and Iraq trip!! No shat!

*Rumor has it that the 26th Annual Rocklahoma Festival has changed it’s name to Canibaslahoma Festival!! The creators of the Pryor Fest are very high on the name change!! Really high!!

FOS Bubblehead Stuff:

Tulsa Schools are closed so the kids are taking over the CITY!! Help!!

There are numerous board games and card games to play!! Crayons, finger paint, and pastel-colored chalk have kept the grandkids of Mr. and Mrs. B in T occupied for hours!! Make a game out of picking up the backyard doggy dooky! Footballs, Basketballs, Frisbees and yard darts can be fun!! Lemonade stand! My granddaughters like to put bows in what little hair I have, make-up and eye shadow and paint Papa B in T toenails TU blue and gold!!

FOS NCAA Tournament Picks!

FOS NIT Picks!

Words of wisdom from the unwise one!!

If someone says something you disagree with, just eat a brownie and things will get better!!

Have a great sports less week!!

FOS/B in T

B, in T

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Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Sports Canceled - Get to Know Your Wife!!

FOS / B in T

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Historic Thunder/Jazz Game Cancellation!!

B in T and Faked Out Sports are saddened by the cancellation of sports for a period of time for our country to stop the spread of the Coronavirus. The NBA canceled their season and the America followed. President Trump issued a National Emergency. This is how we roll in the USA and we will come back stronger and learned from this setback! Dilly Dilly and clean your hands for 20 minutes and remember PUMPKIN MAN is watching you!!

Hand Sizes Are Relevant with NFL QBs Draft Status!!

FOS Notes ’bout Nuthin:

Top QB prospect, Joe Burrow from LSU, has 9-inch hands which are the smallest hands since Joe Kapp with the Minnesota Vikings, measured 8.5 inches in the 1960s!! Last year’s smallish QB number one pick Kyler Murray has 9.5-inch hands 🙌 and can't even see over his Offensive Lineman!! Kyler prospered in his first year of the NFL!! Patrick Mahomes of the 2020 world champion KC Chiefs has 9.25-inch hands and can even throw with his size 9 feet!! Former NFL superstar QB and Saturday Night Live host, Peyton Manning has 10.25 hands and a 10.5-inch forehead!! The hand size absolutely means ’jack’ when drafting an NFL Quarterback!! Or Presidents!!

The Mid America Boccia Ball Tournament is Testing for Anabolic Steroids!!

BOCCIA ON ROIDS!!!

Numerous Tulsa Center for Physically Limited folks will be tested for steroids this year due to their recent years of success in Boccia Tournaments!! No shat!! B in T and others will be doing an internal body purification and will put nothing in their body but water, black beans, and fiber bars until May 1st!! This method was recommended by Coach David and was used by the USA Olympic Curling Team a few years ago!! The participants in the cleansing will not be allowed to sit by the gas tank on the trip to Overland Park, Kansas!!

FOS Bobbleheads:

B in T’s Ana is First Member of the Tulsa Threat Women’s Football Junior Club!!

Having a woman's football team in Tulsa is a dream come true for many young ladies in the Tulsa area!! B in T granddaughter Ana is ⚙️ gearing up for the Tulsa Threat women’s football season!! At 3’4” and 43 lbs she is benching 5 lb chocolate Easter Bunnies without a drop of sweat or a drop of chocolate bunny!! Stay tuned for further FOS/B in T coverage of Tulsa’s only women’s football, the Tulsa Threat!!