Happy Turkey Day🦃

Bryan in Tulsa:

 HAPPY🦃 THANKSGIVING!

LIGHTS ON UTICA SQUARE

KICK OFF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON WITH B IN T 🎄🎅☃️

Things seen at Utica Square Lights On!!  Over/Unders (O/U)

*Number of Electric Cars - 250 per Vegas

Take the under - lots if oil and gas money in the Utica crowd!!

*Number of Biden stickers on cars at Light On:

4 per Vegas 

Take the under-and check out the latest polls!

*Number of Lulu Lemon his and her outfits at Lights-On

350 per Vegas

Take the over bro- jet setters all over The Square!!

*Number of French Bulldogs on a leash at Lights On - 

15 per Vegas

Take the under - lots of dog theft in the Utica area!

*Number of students high on brownies at Lights-On- All of them per Vegas

Take the way under - lots of parents and police on horses at Utica!  

*Number of little farts smiling when snow falls during Light-On

All of them per Vegas

Take the over, cuz the adults smiled as well 🎄😀🎄😀🎄😀

*Number of fake Gucci handbags at Lights-On-

165 per Vegas

Take the Over - the Gucci movie with Lady Gaga increased sales for the real and the fake Gucci bags!!

*Number of Outerspace Aliens in the Lights / On crowd:

25 per Vegas

Take the Over - A lot of attorneys in the crowd!  How do you know, you ask?  By simply looking at the large number of Argyle sweaters at The Square of Utica Thanksgiving night!

*Number of folks in the crowd that are emitting gas bubbles:

750 per Vegas

Take the Over - Turkey stuffing and Utica Square Peppers Restaurant giving away free fiber pills all day during Thanksgiving at Lights On!

🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗🍗

Thanks to a friend of B in T nation and a man of The Cloth 🙏 B in T has created a slightly deviated Holiday Ice Cream Top 10:

(Holiday....ish)🦃🎄

10. Rum Cake Baskin Robbins - adults only, not for kids, dogs, and old farts on blood pressure medication!

  9. Devil's food cake Braums Ice Cream - red velvet is the closest to the Holiday theme, as this gets!

  8. Christmas Bean - simple ingredients, mint, cocoa bean, and Blue Bell Ice Cream!

  7. Moo-Limonium Yuppy Braums Ice cream with triple chocolate fudge!  So much sugar there is no need for the yupsters to take speed! 

  6. Chestnut Butterscotch Cookie Dough Lite, BRAND NEW from Blue Bell!  Great Ice Cream while watching chestnuts roasting by an open fire 🔥!

  5. Abominable Snowman Rocky Road Bluebell Low Fat Bluebell Ice Cream!  Great low-fat ice cream for the holiday! 🎅

  4. Spicy Peppermint (Green) Ice Cream with nitro-green jalapenos!!  Holiday favorite during afternoon siesta!

  3. Dutch Chocolate Egg Nog decaffeinated ice cream!!  This was created at the Swiss Alp’s Blue Bell last month!

  2. Pumpkin Expresso Cookies and Cream Blue Bell Ice Cream! Pumpkin innards with coffee grinds from Brazil, in a blender then serve ice cold!

  1. Brand New in 2022!  Mint Pecan Caro Pie with Chocolate Chip Crust Ice Cream by Tom&Jerry’s Ice Cream (#1 by a mile for Reverend Ross, this will be in the New Heavens and New Earth, not even a question!  Amen bro!)

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

Bobblehead Sports:

B in T College Picks:

                         BV

Oklahoma 45 at Texas Tech 34

The Red Raiders were jacked up for this game, and a record crowd was anticipated until a late-season desert tornado🌪️in Lubbock, TX for the first time in over 100 years!!  Hail, lightning, and rain poured down from the skies!!  An anticipated game day crowd of 65,000 was reduced to 14,432 staunch fans plus 30 plus Armadillos!!  The Sooner offense was keyed by running back Eric Gray who ran for 156 yards and three touchdowns!!  OU wideout Marvin Mims caught 10 passes for 130 yards and 1 TD!!

Houston 45 Tulsa 34

The Tulsa defense has decided, like NBA sucky teams, to tank the remainder of the season!  This is the first time the issue of tanking games in college football has arisen!  Fake tackles dropped passes, and errant 5-yard passes missing by 25 yards were very similar to the actual Golden Hurricane!

🎶🎁🎄🎶🎁🎄🎶🎁🎄🎶🎁🎄

But, the Hurricane's future looks bright with President Brad Carson's backing of athletics!!  With action!

Oklahoma State 31 West Virginia 27

The Mountaineers seem to be in the middle of a diaper fire 🔥 with coach Neil Brown handing out resumes while in the state of Oklahoma!  TU, Union, and Jenks all had received mail from Morgantown, Athletic Department, N. Brown!?!?  Oklahoma State won the game with another Gundy at QB!!  Jamir Gundy is a midseason transfer from Montana State supposedly no relation to Coach Gundy, and threw for 2 touchdowns in the second half!!

Arkansas 38 at Missouri 26

The Alamo Bowl scouts are begging for a win so the Hogs will bring 100,000 fans and families to enjoy San Antonio’s Riverwalk!!  Arkansas QB Jefferson puts the entire team on his broad back, passing and running to a victory!!

Iowa 3 Nebraska 2

Snow fell gently in the second half, and a beautiful picturesque scene, as the young patients at the Stead Family Hospital received the Hawkeye Wave!!  Iowa Cities's downtown area with its Christmas decoration 🎀partially hung, looked like a scene from Charlie Dickinson's ‘Scrooge’!!  The breathless scene I just described was ruined by the actual football game, with Iowa throwing up a 1 point victory!!  Take the under, please!

TCU 92 Iowa State 0

The State's first and second-string defenses refused to come out in the second half until the offense fuuurrrricking scored!!  The Clones pulled the scout team from the stands, some ‘suited up for looks’ freshmen, and the top-ranked equipment managers team  and held them to 92 points!!  Also, the running clock rule was used for the first time in college football history!

Take the under Kevin!

Hope your happy Zod!  

Notre Dame 31 at USC 28

The Irish defense slowed down the potent Lincoln Riley gimmick offense!  Initially, both athletic directors were livid with the halftime when the So Cal Marching Band The Spirit of Troy’ was canceled for rapper Kendrick Lamar, after seeing the overflow crowd of 120,000 (the stadium holds 90,000) but after the turnout, the ADs were all smiles!!

Texas A&M 27 LSU 21

Huge upset for the Aggies as new LSU coach Brian Kelly, as he often did at Notre Dame, looked dazed and confused while they lost to a team they were favored to win by two touchdowns!!  Reveille, the doggy mascot for A&M, hiked his leg and whizzed on coach Jimbo Fisher at halftime, bringing a standing ovation from the Aggie HUGE donor section!!  Reveille signed a Name Image Likeness (NIL) deal with Oakleys of College Station for dog treats and a new house in Woodlands!

Kansas State 38 Kansas 21

Only 10 to 20 folks outside of the state of Kansas or the state of sanity care who wins this game!  The KState running game has 2 speeds, deliberate and very deliberate!  Kansas’, almost a Heisman candidate, Jalin Daniels throws three interceptions and loses 1 NIL deal!

Illinois 34 at Northwestern 12

The Illini are looking good for the Rose Bowl!!  The last time Illinois went to the Rose Bowl, Justin Bieber was singing on U Tube, the Bears still sucked, and medical marijuana brownies were illegal!!

Boston College 23 Syracuse 21

This was BC’s Bowl game per se; in fact, some wealthy alums shipped 1,000 tons of sand around Alumni Stadium!  Now you throw in 1,000 beach chairs, 200 umbrellas, 50 margarita machines, and a BOOM instant Hawaii Aloha bowl at one-tenth the cost!!

B in T High School Playoff Picks:

Bixby 56 Jenks 42

Game is being played at AT&T Stadium in Arlington!!  This was the largest stadium that could be rented at Friday at 8 pm with an agreement with ESPN to pay each school $500k gissell for rissell!!  No shat!!  

Union 45 Owasso 31

Will this be Coach Blankenship's last game?  The Tulsa University, Union, and Owasso legend is contemplating retirement to follow his 14 grandkids!  B in T is projecting a retirement and a two-man race between a current staff member and a dead man walking Jimbo Fisher!!  Union defense has reserves on some D1 recruiting lists!  

Carl Albert 42 Grove 31

in Owasso

The CA Tigers have several players with only payable NIL deals, upon winning a state title!!  So many players are close to wearing a fur coat from Clancy’s Mens Wear in Midwest City!

Cushing 42 Elk City

Cushing is the Bixby of 4A, and they have more weapons than Trump's home at Mar a Lago!!  The Elk City Elks are mainly sponsored by the Elks Lodge where on December 14th, they are showing ‘Elf’!  During game week the Cushing O-linemen were treated to a steak per pancake from the quarterfinals victory!!  Two local steak houses were closed for a week, waiting for more meat!!

B in T Pro Picks:

Cowboys 27 Giants 24

The Giants are very determined to beat Dallas in Dallas!!  Eventually, the Giants realized they were the Giants and the Cowboys realized it was Thanksgiving and they always win on Turkey 🦃 day!!

Chiefs 38 Rams 17

Rams Sean McVay is no longer the cute cuddly new-style coach when winning!!  Instead, he now wears a wig and Eldon John sunglasses when hanging in LA with his neighbor Lincoln Riley!!

Bears 27 at Jets 21

Bears score 4 safeties, 4 field goals, and a pick 6 by DE Trev Gibson!!  

Cardinals 31 Chargers 24

Backup QB Colt McCoy has had more success than 5-foot nothin' starter Kyler Murray because the team looks up to him, easier than Kyler!

Have a great sports week!

B in T

by B in T - FakedOutSports, syndicated in SoonerPolitics.org

B, in T

Sponsors: Andre Tourihno, Golf and Fitness Expert, Southern Hills Colin Magruder, Mtg Broker, Evolve Bank Speedling Inc., Leon Zinc III Uncle Thurston, Dallas, Tx Steve’s Happy Dog Home, Sherri Watson & Christina Morrill, United Country Landrum Realty, Inc. Chris Taylor, sports writer FanSided

Bob’s Bail Bonds and Car Wash (Chicago, IL) Big Brother Bill’s Psychic Palm Reading and Bed & Breakfast (Tulsa, OK) MR Bait, Fishing Tackle and Homemade Fudge Shop (Boulder, CO) Weh’s Wiener Wagon and Dry Cleaners, Lawrence, Kansas T-Brew’s Cockroach Farm and Pizza Palace, Tulsa, OK Dr. Richard Stephens DDS Roy Thomason Retired Sigma Chi TU

Basketball season finally!

Bryan in Tulsa

🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃🦃

FAKEDOUTSPORTS.BLOGSPOT.COM

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁

Tulsa Football has recently been voted the second-quietest football venue in America!  Thanks.  As a TU homer I have conducted my poll and placed the Cane fans in my own top 10!

B in T Top 10 Loudest Football Stadiums on Oklahoma:

1. OU - 80,000 loud fans plus SOME scattered boos are starting!
2. OSU - the dam paddles are very loud and intimidating!!  Brings  back memories of Coaches at Hale High and butt throbbing!!
3. UCO - Chad Richison Stadium is slightly louder than Bixby!

1. Bixby Spartans - the stadium is a good size but the 2,000 blue and red lawn chairs make Bixby small-town loud!!
2. Jenks Trojans - the Jenks cowbells are very loud and obnoxious!
3. Owasso Rams - Fans are extremely loud, and have nowhere else to go in Owasso!
4. Booker T Washington - the band plays the WHOLE game, great atmosphere!!
5. Tonkawa - not necessarily the stadium by itself, but the turkey 🦃 calls surrounding the stadium during hunting season!
6. TU - Bring back the fricking cannon like the old days!!  Before TU's current President took charge a crowd of 15,000 barely hits 3 decibels after a touchdown, and some elderly folks get upset with the noise from touchdowns!!  Control your frickin hearing aid volume!!  I know, I do!!
7. ORU Flag Football - can be loud, even with no specific stadium!  Gets very loud if you sneak in wine spritzers!!

Bobblehead Sports:

🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈

B in T Diner of the week:

*****Special Edition******

A couple of weeks ago one of my 12 subscribers (RC) noticed I omitted the B in T Diner report!  Ok, whatever, after writing 1.5 billion sports words of wisdom, I did make my first omission eeeeever!!  So the special Diner edition has Mr. and Mrs. B in T in Houston (this is REALLY a true story) at the largest bar in Texas- Kirby's Ice House!  Our lovely and generous family in Houston had reserved a couch for me in front of the largest screen 💻 in the history of big screens!!  As we arrived at Kirby's my jaw dropped when I saw a line wrapped around and down the street!!  We were summoned to the front and escorted (we looked humble as we walked past the Houston jetsetters with my cane) to our couch and sat in front of Humongo Vizio to watch the TU-Temple game!!  We had surprisingly the ONLY TV on the Tulsa game!  Great fun in Houston!!

B in T RANDOM:

-Never ask for pickled pigs feet in Sprouts!

-At least my son can pick up TU cheerleaders!🤪

IMG_3926.HEIC

-When said game is over never have college football teams exit through the same tunnel if said teams have felons!!

B in T College Picks:

Oklahoma 42 at West Virginia 35

                           BV

The Sooner faithful are happy to play in West Virginia where no one has a clue that ‘being average’ is now acceptable for the Oklahoma football team!!  Sad, very sad.  Opponents no longer can be mean to the Sooners when they come to Morgantown!!  Lots of folks feel sorry for the Sooners and their porous defense that leads the nation in Tackle Whiffs! This is a new category that estimates the tackles missed by each team!  OU is number one in that stat!!  The Morgantown mothers welcomed the pitiful Sooners with homemade pies, cobblers, and brownies when the team arrived after 18 hours on a bus!!  The team was given free passes to the Morgantown Distillery with free samples of moonshine in thimbles!!  Potent stuff!!  The Sooner players were touched and then proceeded to cry!  Oh, the Venable Sooners were playing a possum game and rallied from 20 points down in the 4th quarter to win the game!!  This really happened!!

Google it!

Tulsa 34 at Memphis 30

Excitement reigned because the TU Happy Timer (72 years and older) Alums stayed at the Peabody Duck Hotel!  Unfortunately, one of the TU Happy Timer men was arrested by Memphis SWAT for shooting a duck on the second-floor stairs!!  The gentleman, who will remain nameless, was released because of his part-time job as an Elvis impersonator!!  The Memphis PITA folks demonstrated during the game and our Happy Timer man kindly gave them the bird!  

Oklahoma State 19 Iowa State 17

Oklahoma State’s defense had 8 sacks and the Clone D had 7 sacks!!  Both teams were really into sacks in Stillwater on this day!!  And both teams offenses played like sacks of shat!  So enough talk about shat, I have to get back in the sack!!  Hahaha! State gets a safety with 1 minute left in the game when Clone QB Hunter Deckers tripped and fell in the end zone!!  No Cowboy defender was within miles!!  Decker complained to officials that he was tripped by the Oklahoma State paddle people!!  B in T never tells a fib!!

Baylor 38 Kansas State 33

The Baylor Bears ruined the Mildcats chances of the Valero Alamo Bowl in San Antonio!!  

Arkansas 38 LSU 24

The Razorbacks played their best overall game of the year!!  Speaking of overalls, Razorback superfan Pigman was seen at the game in the middle of the worstest fans in college football - LSU Tiger fans!!  See Pigman below:

                PIGMAN

North Carolina State 42 Boston College 31

The Wolfpack are becoming a strong ACC football school!!  The Wolfpack’s Athletic Director states they will apply for admission to the SEC within 90 days!  That will NOT happen!  Tulsa and even ORU have better chances!!

BC may not be Bowling this year and with the Patriots sucking badly times for BC HOCKEY🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒

Illinois 50 Purdue 13

Illinois starters had their shoulder pads off by the 6-minute mark in the 3rd quarter!!  Coach Bielema looked at the players, smiled and took his shirt off!  Whaaaat?  Looking good Coach!!  Go Fighting Illini!

Texas A&M 31 Tonkawa 13

Last-minute nonconference opponent to replace a snowed-in Montana State helicopter!!  Thanks goes out to the Lieutenant Mayor of Tonkawa who could not accept money for the Tonkawa High School!!  Instead, A&M will have NIL deals for Tonkawa kids for the next 10 years with a 1 million dollar trust!!  These funds will be for college tuition to Texas A&M for all football players plus A&M will give Tonkawa Future Farmers of America 50k per year for livestock purchases and grooming!!  Tonkawa now loves the very, very below average Aggie team, AND the Buccaneer school system has tripled to 139 students!!

Cousin Charlie receives a $50,000 check for the Tonkawa FFA!!

Michigan 42 Nebraska 28

Coach Khaki - the man from Michigan defeats the Chuckers by 2 touchdowns as the temporary Chucker coach-in-waiting will battle LSU's defensive coordinator Bo Pelini to be the next coach!! And yes B in T is projecting former Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini to be the next Cornhusker head man AGAIN!! 

Texas 28 TCU 27

🤣🤣🤣Upset Special🤣🤣🤣

The Shorthorns just became relevant with a huge victory over Big 12 leader TCU!!  With the victory, Texas University trustees released some slack in the noose around coach Sarkisian’s neck!  Coach Sark also agreed to an addendum to his contract that he does not have to stay for the Eyes of Texas song after a loss!!  He be headin’ to the hills!

B in T High School Playoff Picks:

6AI

Union - Bye

Owasso 38 Westmore 12

The Rams welcome Westmore with the winner facing The Bixby Spartans!!

The Rams rested their starters in the second half allowing Westmore to score 2 touchdowns in the second half!!  Owasso's Defensive coordinator still made the reserve defenders do STADIUM STAIRS Saturday early morning!  Dang bro!

Jenks 47 Edmond North 21

The Edmond North Husky dog mascot is the largest in America!!  The dog, whose name is Polar King, joins the team huddles, and celebrates with all the players!  Jenks stud QB Ike Owens, named after Dwight D., was 13 for 20 for 234 yards with 2 TDs and 1 new NIL deal!!

Bixby- Bye

Broken Arrow 42 Norman 35

Not many high school aficionados thought Broken Arrow would beat the upswing west side new rising Star in the Norman Tigers!  Norman football had one of their best seasons ever and Tulsa World czar Barry Lewis is yet to do a full-page article!  Let the Oklahoman have a story!

To much size for Norman with Broken Arrow Mammoth Tigers and its O-lineman Clydesdales!!

Class 6AII

BTW 41 Putman North 18

In the past years, this score was not unsuspected but this year’s win was considered an upset!!

Class 5A

Del City 42 Bishop Kelley 31

Del City fans were very stoked to win a first-round game at home!!  The Comets have a young team with many superathletes that will make BK a power over the next 2 years!!  As the Snow Furniture dude states ‘I guarantee it!  

Midwest City Carl Albert 42 Lawton Mac 21

Carl Albert has been doing secret NIL deals since the 70s!!  Envelopes with money were invented by some football moms and assistant principals at CA in the ‘80s!

Class 4A

Cushing BYE

Class 3A

Cascia Hall 41 Muldrow 16

The Bulldogs from Muldrow went up 6 zip 1 minute into the game!!  After the opponent scored, the Cascia team was immediately summoned to an impromptu butt-chewing from legendary coach Medina!!  The entire crowd heard coach Medina state such vulgar words as dang, darn, poopy, and his fav bad word dadgummit!!  The team became so psyched out of their minds, the Comandos scored on 5 straight possessions!!

Lincoln Christian 52 Bristow 18

LC has more offensive weapons than the Philadelphia Eagles!!  

Metro Christian 45 Pauls Valley 6

Pauls Valley invited Sylvester Stallone, who was in Tulsa for a month filming Paramount’s Tulsa King, to the annual Pauls 

Valley Noodling Festival but he was conveniently busy during the tournament!!  Metro QB has college scouts drooling!!

B in T Football Mom Meter

Paula Valley Moms  .982

Metro Christian Moms  .972

Due to Pauls Valley having the top 3 Noodling moms in the world, this contest was not permitted by my judges.  This was replaced by bear wrestling which was easily won by the PV Panther moms!

B in T Diner of the week:

Punkins BBQ and Catfish

1911 W. Grant Ave.

Paula Valley, OK

The best-fried catfish in the state, in fact, the world!!  It has been told, that a young couple with Lulu Lemon shorts ordered baked catfish and were ushered immediately out of Punkins by Pauls Valley Police!

Class A 

Tonkawa 48 Mounds 12

Our cousin Kelly is the second toughest girl on this earth other than Mrs. B in T!!  So when the Queen of Kay County can't get me a Friday night Buccaneer scores something must be wrong!!  But all is good in Tonkawaville and I finally received an updated score from cousin Kelly after she gathered all her chickens that were cackling on main street!! Cousin Kelley’s chickens were frightened by a sudden storm and escaped the hen’s house!!Back to the game.  Buccaneer Cam Johnson is slightly taller than the Astro's Altuve but can pancake guys twice his size!  He pancakes 156 yards on 21 carries and 2 TDs and 1 Mounds cheerleader digits, amazing young man but should never step foot in Mounds, Oklahoma!

Hominy 38 Allen 6

The Allen team is not the juggernaut team from Texas but the semi-juggernaut team from Oklahoma, Hughes, and Pontotoc County!!  Hominy is the only Class A school in Oklahoma to send a player to the NFL in 130 years!!  Go Zaven!!  Rumor has it that Zaven will show up for the Hominy 2nd round game in an Arizona Cardinals team helicopter!🚁

B in T NFL Picks:

Chiefs 38 Jaguars 13

Chiefs' reserves were doing cartwheels when the starters garnered a 28 to 0 halftime lead!

Cowboys 31 at Packers 27

Back-up QB, Cooper Rush, rallied the team to victory after Dak had a severe toe contusion from kicking his helmet after his third first-half interception!!

Bears 28 Lions 7

The Sooners have asked the Detroit Lions to schedule them soon in preparation for the SEC.  Bixby and Jenks have already declined!!  True shat dude!

Cardinals 27 at Rams 20

Cardinals receiver DeAndre Hopkins back from suspension for performance-enhancing 💊 drugs caught 18 passes for 253 yards and 2 touchdowns!  DeAndre is always enhanced!

Have a great sports week!

B in T