Faked Out Sports, Bryan in Tulsa
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NEXT WEEK REPORTING ON THE FIRST EVER PANDEMIC DRIVE THROUGH ’LIGHTS ON’ AT UTICA SQUARE!!
WEAR A MASK AND SAVE SOMEONE's ASS!!
FOS Notes:
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- Myself and some TU friends went to the TU game last Saturday and had a tailgate party at the Coney Island hot dogs establishment on 11th and Delaware Street!! As elder, crippled, and cantankerous old farts simply attending a college football game at 11th and Harvard can be crazy!! One of my friends lost his phone on the way into the game, and another TU alum had one too many brownies and lost his way to the stadium after parking at 13th and College Avenue!! So for 45 minutes while my college buds were trying to find their phone and their brain cells, I sat in my seat at Chapman Stadium and watched the Hurricane get down by a score of 14-0 to the SMU Merry Go Round Ponies!! No this is not an episode of True Detective or another Silver Alert in Tulsa!! Thank goodness the old farts returned and TU came out victorious!! I would like to make a special shoutout to the young girl who found Phil’s phone in the lady's restroom in the West stands of Chapman!! Phil did not recall being in the girl's restroom but had trouble finding the hat that was on his head earlier!! The good news is that none of us were arrested for loitering by the TU Campus Police!! I am really glad I do not drink or smoke anymore or any less!!
- Governor Stit has not ordered the Pandemic Petri dish also known as rural Oklahoma to wear masks and save someone's ass! Let’s leave the politics out and just listen to what the experts of science say, please!!
- Mr.Trump is contesting the election and basically contesting everything!He is even contesting his birth: many folks think he was born inside a human-like creature in the first Alien movie!! He is NOT contesting the Alien thing, Ummm?
FOS College Picks:
Tulsa 42 Tulane 31
Thursday night Chapman ESPN magic for Tulsa University!! Huge underground pandemic tailgate party held in the Lambda Chi Alpha basement with free drinks for TU Alums over 60 years of age or 60-inch waistline!! The young men of Lambda had the tailgate party catered by Luby’s!! Former TU player and Tulane Athletic Director Rick Dickson spoke in the Lamb Chopper basement with the smell of Luby’s baked cod and Bud Light throughout the party of young and old masked individuals!! As temporary AD of Tulsa, Mr. Dickson promised a National Championship in football this decade!! Numerous Tulsa Hurricane Happytimers almost choked on their turnip greens when Rick announced this!! Note Lambda Chi alum Mike Dodson wept!!
Oklahoma 41 Oklahoma State 38
ESPN GAMEDAY AT NORMAN FOR FUN AND FROLIC PANDEMIC STYLE!! Guest picker is said to be Dr. Faucci, Kyler Murray, Bob Stoops, Barry Switzer, or possibly Blake Shelton!!! Guess who and win millions!!
This football masterpiece was one of the best Bedlam battles in Bedlam battle history!! Oklahoma QB Spencer Rattler threw a 57-yard touchdown pass to 6’10” TE Austin Stogler with 28 seconds left in the final quarter!! There was a small melee at half time between the two sideline and sports talk geeks of OU and OSU!! Oklahoma State Sideline man Robert ’Haystack’ Allen ran into two OU players when leaving the field for halftime!! Both the players were life-flighted to Mercy Hospital where they were in stable condition!! One of the young Sooner players said he felt like Godzilla just knocked him to the pavement!! A Sooner witness to the accident said the blow by the enormous Allen was like a Peter-Built Semi running over the Easter Bunny!!
Ohio State 45 Indiana 38
Ohio State averages beating the Hoosiers by 31 points a game over the last ten years!! Well the ability of Indiana to stay within seven of the Buckeyes in the pandemic 2020 year is simply the growth of the Indiana program and has nothing to do with Coronavirus!
***********UPSET SPECIAL***********
UCF 45 Cincinnati 44
Central Florida has slightly more offensive talent than Cincinnati and the New York Jets!! The strong Cincinnati defense forgot to show up to the party in the Mickey Mouse world of Orlando!! So sorry........Tulsa is in first in the AAC!
Texas A&M 52 Ole Miss 28
New Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin whom many have said was born in a pink Izod shirt, was out talented by the Aggies!! Coach Kiffin is known for his obvious flirtation with young coeds and at times has been known to visit the campus pubs where the young and gullible girls lirk!! Watch out for preppy men in pink Izod shirts!
Iowa State 38 Kansas State 32
The Clones have underachieving QB, Brock Purdy, who since the OU victory could not throw a football into the ocean if he was standing in the ocean!! Even worse, the Mildcats have played themselves into the second option for the Coleman Septic Bowl in Wewoka, Oklahoma!!
Arkansas 37 LSU 24
Coach Pittman is back in the Razorback coaching saddle after testing positive for Coronavirus last week!! LSU coach Ed Orgeron, or The Incredible Hulk, has lost tons of team talent and has fallen from the National Championship pedestal to an SEC also-ran!!
Wisconsin 27 at Northwestern 24
Pandemic or no pandemic, these two Big 10 powers along with Iowa are known for their 4 tight end sets and no creativity offenses!! This will be a high scoring game for the Badgers and Northwestern!!
FOS High School Playoff Picks:
Second Round:
6AI
*********UPSET SPECIAL***********
Union 45 Broken Arrow 42
The Union Football team of Oklahoma upset the Broken Arrow Tigers with speed and cunning!! The speed by the Union defense and the cunning of the Union student managers who snuck two live 🦙 llamas in the Broken Arrow High School office!! Due to Broken Arrow’s loose Covid environment, the llamas were not required to wear masks!!
Jenks 49 Norman North 23
Norman North is the banner 6A team for the west side but is no match for the Trojans!! KREV Norman has two local teams, Norman North and the Oklahoma Sooners!! One will win Bedlam this weekend and one will lose to the Trojans!!
Owasso 52 Mustang 6
Owasso roped the Mustangs and I will never use that metaphor again!! Was that a metaphor English majors!!??? The Ram defense looked imposing and finished strong with 3 oskies!!
6AII
BTW 44 Midwest City 35
The B in T newly named Booker T Washington Murder Hornets were too much for the Midwest City Bombers and stung their opponents badly Friday night!!
Bixby 55 Del City 12
Bixby players were very bored during the second half of this romp and decided to break out into study groups while the reserves play the second half!!
5A
Pryor 38 McAlester 31
Pryor Tigers made their number one fan writer Chris Taylor of Fansided very excited and giving after their victory over McAlester!! Chris announced to the crowd Friday night that he would buy coffee at Starbucks for the first 100 folks Saturday morning that said Go Tigers!! Great bit of kindness by Chris, now where is the Pryor Starbucks?
Bishop Kelley 41 Tahlequah 19
BK makes Tahlequah wish it did not win their first playoff game!! Star running back Heinecke rushed over and through numerous Tahlequah players and a dog on the way to 3 touchdowns!!
Carl Albert 45 Ardmore 21
Uncle Howard, former Carl Albert Principal, told me one time that if the Titans ever played Bishop Kelley they would win by 100!! Settle down now Howard!!
4A
Cushing 20 Weatherford 19
My nephew Caleb was Covid 19 grounded for this game for sitting next to a carrier in Astronomy class!! The COVED 19 carrier was said to be head cheerleader Sosha Tuskaderro who is very popular!!
Wagoner 42 Sallisaw 14
Wagoner should probably be in 5A!! Other 4A schools try to bribe families to move into Wagoner county to increase their school population up to the 5A requirement!! True story, Google it!
3A
Lincoln Christian 38 Central 16
Lincoln Christian has more talent than OU and like OU is known as the Quarterback factory of 3A high school football!!
Holland Hall 56 Checotah 14
The Dutchmen and future Tulsa University defensive end Owen Ostroski made Checotah look like a 6th-grade flag football team!!
2A
Sperry 34 Victory Christian 20
The Pirates had enough swords and cannons to hold of the Crusaders!!
Cascia Hall 49 Keys Parkhill 13
The Comando’s bus driver had no idea where Keys Parkhill is located and they did not show up on mapquest!! One of the Cascia need dads had a 1981 paper Rand McNally map and located the town and the post office for further information!!
A
Tonkawa 44 Dibble 21
As the expression states ’a little Dibble will do you’!!! Tonkawa has 19 players on their team, so if Cov 19 hits watch out!! The whole team is staying at Debbie from Tonkawa’s Quilt and Model Train house until after the playoffs!! That place has no objects for the football team to get in trouble with!!
FOS Pro Picks:
Vikings 42 Cowboys 24
The Minnesota Vikings seem to be able to beat the Cowboys by 18 this week and lose to the Toronto Argonauts scout team the next week!! Neither of these teams matter in Covid 2020!!
Browns 34 Eagles 31
The Browns seem to be creeping into the playoffs with Running Back Chubbs back in the fray!! Eagles QB Wentz leading all leagues including the Tulsa Women league in interceptions!! He made a pass at a Browns cheerleader AND it was intercepted by an NFL line judge!!
Chiefs 36 at Las Vegas 28
The Vegas Raiders have defeated the Chiefs on their home field but KC has done woked up and boat raced the rest of the AFC!!
Steelers 28 at Jaguars 21
The Jaguars of Jacksonville started close to the Steelers of Pittsburg but at the end the Steelers Rocky Blier and Franco Harris fan over the Jaguars who have no been founded yet!!
Broncos 31 Dolphins 28
Upset special has the Denver team beating the Miami team with a 62-yard field goal in the snow!! The creative Bronco team built a large tee out of snow and boomed the 62 yard FG with 15 yards to spare!!
Have a great sports week!!
B in T / Faked Out Sports
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