B in T Faked Out Sports
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FOS notes ’bout Nuthin!!
Man in Tulsa has been Arrested for Smuggling Box Turtles!!
B in T has not covered the sport of boxing but now that I know that there is an illegal sport where actual turtles box I am glad to state I will not cover this sport!! Smuggling turtles to other states for the purpose of gambling on these poor innocent slow creatures is awful!! I will admit that when I first started B in T, I covered chicken fighting in Kay County, Oklahoma!! But I refuse to cover any sport with boxing abuse to Turtles!!
Dallas Super Scoop Reporter Finds List of Top 5 Replacements for New Coach for the Cowboys!!
This scribbled note in Jerry Jones own handwriting (documented by Duey, Forgem, and Howe) gives B in T the following 5 finalists to replace Howdy Doody Coach Garrett:
Jerry’s note read:
Possible new coach for my America’s Team:
- Bob Stoops - I could get him cheap
- God - He might give me eternal life so I might get to see my Boys in the Super Bowl!
- Lincoln Riley - he might be too expensive!
- Jennifer Lopez - She would not make any decisions unless approved by me!! Just like our current Garrett dude but much prettier!
- My son, Steven - put him on the list to make him feel good only! No chance!
- Donald Trump - he knows everything about dealing with alien countries, so dealing with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, Satan or myself should not be an issue!!
- Me- who else?
FOS/B in T Top 10 Scariest Movies!!!!
- Hocus Pocus- Bette Midler’s teeth are very scary!
- Jeepers Creepers - That dude still scares the shat out of me!
- The Hills Have Eyes - Creepy looking folks that remained in the hills after an accident at a nuclear testing site!! They remind us of Philly fans after losing to the Dallas Cowboys!
- Wrong Turn - Some kids take a wrong turn en route to a Kid Rock Concert and end up dinner for some young cannibals!!
- Chucky - A doll that looks like Howdy Doody with zits comes to life and stabs his victims with a knife bigger than he is!!
- Halloween - The very first scary movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael Meyers!! This was based on a true story that happened in Blackwell, Oklahoma in 1977 when a Halloween party turned a young man into a crazed slasher by simply shooting him in the butt with a BB Gun!! True story! Google it!!
- The Exorcist - I had a childhood crush on Linda Blair until this movie!!
- H20 Halloween - The Halloween crew gets together 25 years later and scares the crap out of Jamie Lee Curtis again!! You would think JLC would realize this is just another movie!!
- Pumpkin Man Lives - 🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃This is a brand new horror movie filmed in Tulsa, Oklahoma by Tulsa's own movie maker, director and personal friend of B in T, John Swab!! Marilyn Manson plays Pumpkin Man, Jamie Lee Curtis plays a possessed elderly lady named Mona, and Brad Pitt plays Tulsa Mayor Bynum!! B in T is the movie advisor!!
- It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - I now record this for my Grandkids, my how time goes by!!
At my age, I have a few things left on my bucket list!! Going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras is one and staying in Costa Rica at a nice casa is another!! Other than that I would l like to see my Golden Hurricane in a significant bowl someday!! In fact after those accomplishments, you can change the ’b’ in bucket list to an ’f’!!!
BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Charlie Brown!!
Whenever I see Dallas Cowboy Coach Howdy Doody Garrett talk at a post-game press conference I here the teachers talking on a Charlie Brown holiday special!! Whenever I here Owner Jerry Jones speaking I turn off the TV and go on my back patio and take a smoke!!
FOS Bobblehead Sports!!
Mr. and Mrs. B in T went to Houston to visit our relatives and watch the mighty Aggies lose to the Crimson Tide Machine!! We watched the Astros, Cardinals, and TU lose that weekend but had tons of fun and tons of beer!! The sports highlight was indeed going to watch Mrs. B in Ts cousin’s daughter participate in a high school cross country track meet before heading to College Station for mass quantities of beer and mayhem! As Mrs. B in T’s cousin's daughter, Claire finished in the top 5 of the Junior Varsity 2 mile run I noticed many similarities between the Houston and Tulsa sports parents!!Both Tulsa and Houston parents bring orange slices to all events; both parents know nothing about the sport their youngster is playing in, but act like they do, both Tulsa and Houston parents party too much for morning sporting events on a Saturday!! Finally B in T or any distant relative showing at a quiet morning child sporting event should not curse during the event!! Wouldn't be prudent! I know!!
FOS College Football Picks!
B in T has either jacked up his meds again or OU has two off weeks this year!!
Tulsa 38 at Tulane 37
***********UPSET SPECIAL***********
Imagine that the creator of this shat who happens to be a TU grad would pick the ’Cane to upset the Green Wave! TU lost at Tulane 2 years ago 93 to 6!! Go figure! Numerous Golden Hurricane fans made the trip to Tulane and spent Friday partying in the French Quarter of New Orleans!! Seven Hurricane folks were arrested for mooning folks off the balconies on Bourbon Street!! All seven of the slightly inebriated TU partiers were released when their butts could not be recognized by witnesses in a New Orleans Police butt line up!! A story similar to this will be on CBS NCIS: New Orleans next year!! Wow, true stuff, although not mentioned on the Tulsa Golden Hurricane Web Site!!
Oklahoma State 45 TCU 21
Oklahoma State fans with the giant paddles that bang the side of Boone Pickens Stadium were thrilled to find the Athletic Department purchased 100 large Cowbells to go with the paddles!! Very exciting, very loud, very obnoxious and very much not a good idea!! The ringing of the bells to go with the large paddle claps caused Pistol Pete and numerous cheerleaders and players to have severe earaches over the next week!! The cowbells were repossessed in the 4th quarter to a standing ovation from the fans!! Chuba Cobre Hubbard rushed for 252 yards on 20 carries and again he is not in the top 5 Heisman projected!! Must be Gundy’s mullet since it gets blamed for everything wrong with the Cowboys!!
Kansas State 31 at Kansas 16
The Wildcats from Kansas State are fighting for a bowl bid within the Continental United States or Puerto Rico!! The Kansas football Jayhawks are fighting tickets to KU basketball games before Self is put into timeout for a year by the NCAA Gestapo!! The KU football team is looking at no football game in December and early Tee times!! KState Coach Klieman had some recruits from Lawrence, Kansas!! Namely a kicker and 2 deep snappers who were on the sidelines as KState guest!! KU and Coach Miles were not happy!!
Arkansas 38 Mississippi 31
Ben Hicks is back in the captains chair in the QB position at Starship Razorback!! Coach Chad Morris continues to have boosters give him the wild bore look even though his team has a long, long, long shot at a bowl game!! Evidently, even if the Hogs get to 5 wins they have been offered a spot in the Tyson Chicken Bowl!! Played at Harrison High School in my birthplace Harrison, Arkansas!!
Nebraska 27 at Purdue 13
Nebraska and their little Husker fans had dreams of top 10 national rankings and sugar plum fairies sprinkling fairy dust on each of the players and coach Frost!! Instead the cornchuckers are barely .500 and barely in the top 10 of the Big 10!!!
Nebraska QB Adrian Martinez is still a stud and ran for 105 yards and passed for 198 yards and 2 touchdowns!! Purdue is not good and trying to stay above the Mendoza line which is a vernacular used for a bad hitter in baseball - .200 or also known as RUTGERS in the Big 10!! Ha!
Michigan 20 at Maryland 13
Michigan coach has a good Knute Rockny type of team!! Leather helmets, slowish, big, coach yells constantly, wears Kahki pants with a blue sweater tucked in his pants are all similar characteristics of today's Wolverines!! Michigan’s defense saved the day for the team and a job for coach Kahki!!
Florida 31 Georgia 28
Florida finally matters!! Florida QB Kyle Trask controlled the line of scrimmage and did not turn the ball over against the Bulldog defense!! Florida’s Trask outperformed Georgia’s Fromme and went 7 for 7 in the game-winning drive!!
Oregon 34 at USC 20
Oregon QB Justin Herbert has an Uzzi for an arm and has to register his arm as a weapon in Oregon!! Seriously, google it!! USC looks like another average team in the average PAC which stands for the Pacific Average Conference!!
Memphis 38 SMU 30
COLLEGE GAMEDAY SPONSORED BY THE UNIVERSITY OF TULSA WILL BE IN MEMPHIS! Your Welcome!
Both teams are fighting for a battle in the AAC championship game!! Since UConn has graciously left the conference, the preseason conference media event will now be n Banger, Maine!!! Also I am proud to announce that next year the AAC championship has been move to Banger, Maine as well!! These two announcements make as much sense as Connecticut!! Bye, Bye Huskies!!
FOS High School Picks!
Bixby 42 at Shawnee 13
Bixby’s second string could place 10th in 6AII!! The Spartans will be promoted to 6AI in 2020 and will be favored to win it all!! Just one more team for the Westside of the state to bitch about!! The Nebraska and the University of Tulsa is already sniffing some of Bixby’s 8th and 9th grade cornfed lineman!! No shat!!
BTW 52 Ponca City 20
Booker T takes out some frustration on the outmanned Wildcats! BTW which has a half dozen division one signees has underachieved this year but the Hornets will turn it on in the playoffs!! Come on Coach Calip!!
Cascia Hall 42 Sequoia 6
Cascia Hall is jumping on the latter part of their schedule and Coach Funky Co Medina had cracked a few smiles for the Comando team!! Cold weather has hit the Cascia Field this week so its time for the B in T over-under for Fur Coats and Cardigan sweaters!!
Over-under Fur coats at Cascia/Sequoia game- 150. B in T take the under!! The fur coat store, Miss Jacksons, has closed!
Over-under Cardigan Sweaters at the game- 150 B in T take the over!! 10% of on Cardigans at SAKS!!
Vegas has not posted their odds yet!!
Ada 33 at Hale 16
The Ada Cougars came to Tulsa and while the Cougar moms (no pun intended) went shopping at Utica Square, visited Tulsa’s world-famous Gathering Place and finally while shopping and dinner at the Mother Road Market, Ada kicked the Ranger butts!!!
Jenks 48 Edmond Santa Fe 22
The Trojans have had a tough run this year but seem to be getting their mojo back against the West teams!! Edmond Santa Fe has a good team but is no match for the 122 players suited up on the Jenks sidelines!! Edmond Santa Fe brought their whole team AND their band on one bus!! No shat!!
Holland Hall 32 Spiro 26
The Spiro Bulldogs are a very good 2A team and makes the powerhouse Holland Hall team work for their victory!!
Wagoner 44 McClain 12
The Wagoner Bulldogs sleepwalk through their game against Tulsa McCain and still won by 32!!
Broken Arrow 55 Edmond Memorial 20
Broken Arrow big man Andrew Rahm who is headed to Sooner land singlehandedly blocked 3 Memorial players with one block!! His block made the ESPN Top 10 plays and was named the Bowling Pin block in Broken Arrow!! True stuff!!
Cushing 33 at Blanchard 22
Cushing sophomore LB/RB Caleb is getting more playing time and his Uncle B in T did not have to drive to Cushing and have a come to Jesus meeting with his coach!! Although my sister in law Christina did threaten to put exlax in Coach’s food at the Thursday team dinner function!!
FOS Mom O Meter Blanchard Moms. 986 Cushing Moms.980 Blachard moms won the Bow Hunting contest to slightly edge out the Cushing moms by bow shooting 432 Quail in under 3 hours!!
FOS Diner of the Week: Dakotas Diner- Fried food at it's finest!!
Coweta 24 Bishop Kelley 20
Both teams are fighting for district playoff spots and this crucial game is the 5A District 7 game of the week for Faked Our Sports!! Comet Linebacker, Safety, Quarterback and Running Back Middleton is heading to OSU to be a punter!! Not really! He did have 13 tackles against the Tigers but not enough to stop the final touchdown drive by the Tigers!!
Heritage Hall 66 Blackwell 6
The Referee Crew talked with the coaches at half-time and decided to keep the clock running in the second half!! They also had a 7:04 tee time at Oaktree and this crew needed to get their beauty sleep before their ugly golf game!!
FOS NFL Picks!
49er 36 at Cardinals 27
The 49er QB Jimmy ’Broadway Joe’ Garopallo has more girlfriends than Tiger Woods has notches on his belt!! His good looks and dating porn stars reminds several old-timers like B in T of Joe Namath in ’69 when he guaranteed a victory in the Super Bowl!! Jimmy G will not be wearing a full link fur coat in San Fransisco like Broadway Joe did but he will be mighty fine to dine with the young ladies!!
Chiefs 31 Vikings 27
Viking Defense is tough but the Chiefs speedster Tyreek Hill put on a show with a punt return for a TD and a 74 yard catch for a touchdown!! Although Mahomes has had his struggles he was spot on in this game!! He signed autographs for his beloved Chief fans until the cows came home!!
Broncos 28 Brown 13
The Broncos were at home and have a super advantage with the altitude in Denver at every game!! The Bronco defense has become one of the best in the American Football Conference! There was a special giveaway to the first 10,000 fans in Bronco stadium this day!!. Each of the first 10,000 fans at Mile High Stadium will receive a mini Bronco Bong!! Three hours before the Bronco|Browns game everyone at the Bronco tailgate parties immediately headed over to get in line at stadium entrances!! When the gates of Mile High finally opened there was a mad rush to get the Bronco Bongs and the Colorado National Guard was called in to subdue the crowd and recover the Bronco Bongs that were taken by non-ticket holders!! Many folks were high at Mile High!!
Texans 35 at Jaguars 21
Texans QB Deshaun Watson is starting to make believers out of NFL skeptics regarding his ability to lead this team to the Super Bowl!! His run-first mentality has changed slightly but his legs and arm has helped him to the top of Houston’s division!!
Giants 28 Cowboys 20
Cowboy owner Jerry Jones says everything is just fine with his average Coach Garrett and President Steven Jones says everything is just fine with his average Coach Garrett!! President Trump says everything is just fine with his average Russian coverup and Mrs. B in T says that everything is fine with my average attempt to sweep and dust the house yesterday!! But let me tell you that I once heard in a ’Tombstone’ movie, ”I am coming and hell is coming with me!”, I will always tell the truth!!
Words of wisdom from the unwise one!
Do not tell the Grandkids to pull your finger!! This can cause trouble at the pre-school or the elementary school they may or may not be attending!! Grandkids think that everything that a Papa says or does is perfectly fine to repeat in a learning environment!! So it be said, so it be written!
Have a great sports week!!
Faked out sports/, B in T
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B, in T
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