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Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Next Sports Presidential Candidate


Bryan in Tulsa


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Bobblehead Sports:


To my beloved senior Bobbleheads:


Bryan in Tulsa has 3 super senior Bobbleheads that I am the mostest proud to say read my stupid and sometimes funny blog!!  Our aunt and uncle are in a nursing home in Plano, Texas, and never miss criticizing my blog!!  Thurston is 95 and has a wit wittier than most!!  He reads to our beloved aunt Pat and she laughs but has a difficult time understanding my warped humor!!  This is understandable!I have a new reader who was an all-American at Boston College in 1950!!  Bill is my 96 years old reader whose son and daughter-in-law are good friends!  They read B in T to him weekly!!  If these three were my only readers I would send out my goofy-ass blog every morning feeling blessed that these senior Bobbleheads have a smile on their face!!😜😃


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                     Happy Halloween!!

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B in T Notes:


B in T Future Sports Figures Presidential Odds:


Lebron James - G.O.A.T. of the NBA - he can step on North Korea /  5 to 1 odds


Mark Cuban - Dallas Mavericks owner - He will be a shark President! / 7 to 1


Bob Stoops  - former OU football coach - and from Iowa, blue-collar midwest vote is all his /  25 to 1


Barry Switzer - former OU and Dallas Cowboy coach - will hang a half a hundred on Russia!  Just the right age!!  75 to 1


Roger Goodell - NFL Commissioner - hell no - a billion to 1


Tom Brady - NFL Quarterback -  G.O.A.T. -  wife Giselle as First Lady gets my vote and all the female Tommy Brady lovers will vote for him no matter the party!!

  • 3 to 1


B in T Halloween Best and Worst Candies!


MOST POPULAR HALLOWEEN CANDY: 

1. Twix  2. Any Marijuana Edibles (must have proof of age)  3. Tootsie Pops  4. Peanut M&Ms  5. Almond Joy  6. Starburst  7. Kit Kat  8. Butterfingers  9. Sour Patch Kids  10. Plain M&Ms

LEAST POPULAR HALLOWEEN TREATS IN 2021: 

1-3  Dental Hygiene items: Toothbrush, Toothpaste and Dental Floss!  My wife is a hygienist and we went 3 years without a trick or treater!

  1. Loose Change especially Pennies!
  2. Ex / Lax
  3. Donald Trump for President stickers and Make America Great Again Stickers are not for trick-or-treat bags!!!
  4. Mumbles Biden for President stickers!
  5. Sugar-free gum!
  6. Anything gluten-free!
  7. Religious pamphlets!  Kids would rather have hard candy from grandma Jones’ freezer in 1973!


Where is Booker T stud Gentry Williams going to school?


OU - 2 to 1  He and Micah Tease already have signed NIL deals with Landers Chevrolet!!

Florida - 10 to 1  Good NIL potential and great weather!!

Southern Cal - 70 to 1.  And WHO is their coach?  NO ONE!

Mizzou - 1 million to 1 - WHY?


**After publishing Gentry picked his college home to be OU and stay close to his family home!!  Still waiting on Micah Tease's decision.  But as usual I was correct!!


Pumpkin Man spotted Halloween Eve!

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From 6 till 8:30 pm Pumpkin Man appears at Hallozooween and hands out non-hooch real candy to thousands of toddlers at the Tulsa Zoo!!  At 8:30 the Munster Mobile (from the TV show the Munsters) picks Pumpkin Man up and rushes hi to the Hex House!!  The Tulsa Hex House is one of the top 15 scariest houses in America according to Fox News!!  Pumpkin Man handed out thousands of edibles to the scared shatless crowd at the Town West Shopping Center which is home to the Hex House!!  


College Scores with Halloween 🎃 Theme! 🎃🎃🎃🎃👻👻👻👻👻.


Tulsa 31 Navy 21   Friday Night Lights on ESPN !

Note:  The TU Tailgators are having a BEAN Theme tailgate party from 2:30 till kickoff or fart-off at 6:30!!  Next Friday the 29th!!

Tulsa is looking for a possible bowl bid but faces a Tulane, Cincinnati, and SMU gauntlet on the road!!  Tulsa’s defensive front led by Jaxson Player will be tested but Tulsa had two weeks to prepare for the Navy's bone!!  The TU defense worked out behind closed practices per coach Monte!!  Defensive coordinator Gillespie had the boys practice against 8 offensive linemen, 3 fullbacks, and 5 halfbacks on the scout team simulating the Navy's bone!!  Probably should rephrase that sentence.  Jaxson Player had 12 TFLs (tackles for loss) and 6 scout team dudes quit the team from fear!!  Too much Player!  Coach Monte rewarded the team for their intense prep work for Navy by feeding 150, 16oz T-bone steaks, and watching the new Halloween Kills movie!!  Tulsa kills the Navy on the football field the next day!!  The movie is typical Halloween but not too bad!!


Oklahoma 59 Texas Tech 22 

OU Heisman candidate QB Caleb Williams took all the snaps against the Red Raiders and completed 21 of 28 passes for 402 yards and 5 TDs!!  OU's second Heisman candidate RB Kennedy Brooks rushed for 164 yards on 13 carries!!  Former OU Heisman candidate QB Spencer Rattler did not take a snap but did run 13 Charlies Chicken commercials on the Learfield  Sooner Network!!  After the game ended Rattler wore a human billboard for Charlies 🐥 Chicken!!  He refused to wear the full chicken costume, even on 👻Halloween!!  Transfer portal here comes Rattler!!  


Ohio State 31 Penn State 21

Don't forget about the Buckeyes!!  They are looming in the background like Michael Myers for Jami Lee Curtis!!


Michigan 28 at Michigan State 24

Michigan coach Khaki has scared away all his critics!!  He has put on his scary Jason Friday the 13th face 💀and started coaching like his brother with the Ravens by Edgar Allen Poe!!


Kentucky 41 at Mississippi State 35

Mississippi coach Mike Leach is a paranormal believer!!  He once set up a seance to bring back Mouse Davis, the run and shoot offense guru, but discovered he was still alive when he showed up to his own personal seance!!  True story!  I swear!!


Oklahoma State 49 Kansas 13

OSU backup QB Shane Illingsworth (Ichabod Crane) played the entire second half and completed 10 of 13 passes for 170 yards and 2 TDs!!  A spooky thing happened at a Posse Club Halloween party after the game!!  Coach Gundy showed up with a fake bald head with his Uncle Fester of the Adams Family costume!!  The big donors were very scared!!


Ole Miss 38 at Auburn 26

Ole Miss brought back their defense from the grave and buried the Auburn Tigers alive!!!


Boston College 35 at Syracuse 31

The Orangemen have discovered that they can occasionally be good with the oval-shaped ball 🏈 and not just the round 🏀 one!!  On the other hand, the BC Eagles are on a roll and slowed down Syracuse on their home court, oops I meant to say home field!!  The term Orangemen is not attached to Pumpkin 🎃 Man and is simply a nickname for the sports teams at Syracuse!!  Then we must ask why not OrangeWOMEN!!!????

Huh!!  Boom!!  Must have WOMEN!!!  I digress.......



Texas 35 at Baylor 27

One more loss and Coach Sarkesian will be looking over his shoulder for the Grim Reaper aka Texas Board of Regents!!


Iowa State 31 at West Virginia 13

Anytime you visit Morgantown you should watch the horror flick The Hills Have Eyes!!  Clones pluck the Mountaineers!!


************Upset Special***********

Florida 31 Georgia 28

The Gators surprise the Bulldogs like Freddie Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street scared his new manicurist!!


Iowa 24 at Wisconsin 16

Two weeks ago Iowa forgot how to play football at Purdue!!  The Hawkeyes D can be scary good!!  But the offense needs to be scared shat-less to perform at its maximum potential!!  Wisconsin scared them fo sho!!


High School Scores with Halloween Theme!!🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃


Cushing 36 Ada 31

The Cushing players applied their orange pumpkin face painting skills for the game!!  The rain caused the player faces to look like Smashing Pumpkins!!  Joke haha very not funny... Cushing’s QB Berkowitz does not sound like a top QB in Oklahoma football, but more like the name of a New York undercover cop on the edge!!


Union 52 Muskogee 13

The Union Football Team massacred the the Roughers on Halloween Eve Eve!!  The Muskogee team was scared by creepy things in the visitor's locker room when Rougher players and coaches were shocked to learn that shower and sink faucets can be turned on by simply waving your 🙌 or 🦶 in front of the faucet!!  Numerous visiting players think the faucets at Union are HAUNTED!


Owasso 45 Moore 24

The Moore Lions spooked the Holy shat out of the Rams!!  After falling behind 24 to 17 the defensive coordinator for Owasso had a come to Jesus meeting with his defense at halftime!!  So after he read a scripture from Proverbs he immediately told his defense that if they give up 1 single point he will kick their butts to HEf🏒🏒!!!  Final score 45 to 24 Rams!!!  


Alva 36 Blackwell 20

Two nights before Halloween the Gold Hornets infested the armpits of the Maroons from Blackwell!!  The winner of this game will be playoff-bound!!  


Coweta 38 Bishop Kelley 27

The Comets from Kelley played the Tigers from Coweta very close!!  The game was delayed for 1 hour when numerous bats 🦇 escaped from the local Coweta haunted Hex House!!  The bats were netted and removed from Tiger Field by  Coweta Animal Protection Services!!  Numerous cheerleaders from both sides screamed and cried!!  This happened, trust me!


Roland 35 Cascia Hall 28

The Roland Rangers defeated the Cascia Hall Commandos on this Erie Friday Night in Roland!!  The crowd in Roland was packed after rumors that cast member from Jeepers Creeper 4 were in the crowd signing autographs in blood!!


Bixby 66 at Ponca City 12

The Bixby Spartans sucked the blood out of the Ponca City Lions Friday night!!  Superstar and soon-to-be OSU Cowboys Brayden Pressley must have been a ghost to the Lion defense cause no one could see him speed past defenders all night!!


Holland Hall 48 at Verdigris 28

Verdigris tried to turn their home field into a big spooky 👻 house!!  But the Dutch from Holland Hall went through the Verdigris Cardinals spook house (football field) without fear!!


Broken Arrow 38 at Norman 21

BA puts a nail into the Norman playoff coffin!!  Downtown the BA Chamber of Commerce had a zombie walk in which the costumed walkers were confused with normal patrons!!


Jenks 55 Edmond Memorial 14

The Jenks Trojans mummified Edmond Memorial Bulldogs!!


NFL Scores:


Cardinals 48 Packers 31

2021 NFL MVP Kylar Murray threw for 356 yards and 4 touchdowns!!  He ran for 68 yards and 1 touchdown!!  After the game he, former TU stud Zaven Collins and JJ Watt had a huge haunted house party in a barn in Hominy, Oklahoma!!  The invitees were the whole team, friends and family members which were flown to Tulsa and Limousined to Hominy in Dawn of the Dead costumes!!  This happened!!  I was there!!  I swear!!  


Browns 24 Steelers 21

The Browns spooked the shat out of Steeler QB Frankenburger!!


Cowboys 35 at Vikings 27

The Cowboys Bela Lagosied the Vikings on Halloween night!!


Bears 26 49ers 21

The Bears from Chitown sucked the blood out of the blood-sucking 49ers!!


Chiefs 38 Giants 10

The Wittle Chieffy Wieffies demolished the worst team in the NFL on Halloween 🎃 and Zombied their bodies!!  Not sure what that means but is scary sounding!!


Have a great sports week!!


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B, in T

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Thursday, October 21, 2021

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Bryan in Tulsa


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Bobblehead Sports:


Papa B in T Caught Again by the Spy Camera!


While babysitting the rugrats during fall break yours truly was caught unbeknownst by the Daughter’s SPY CAMERA located at the front doorbell!!  Papa and the Rugrats, Ana and Gus, decided to go out front and have some bike races!!  The front door was open and out fled Toast the 1-year-old puppy/horse towards a baby stroller!!  The neighborhood mom was slobbered to death by Toast and we all laughed - no harm no foul!!  Across the street, on the other hand, was the 2020 neighborhood hag of the year walking her 3.3-pound poodle named Fifi!!  She was irritated that the dog was out was disgruntled about losing her walk rhythm!!  I told her to get a life, take some constipation meds and have a sandwich!!  Of course, this was all caught on the doorbell camera by my daughter and I am currently on babysitting probation for a month!!  One more infraction to a neighbor lady hag and I will be on final written probation!!  No shat!!


B in T Notes:


Recently Canned John Gruden’s Next Gig!!


He will begin a career in acting and his first gig will be a villain in Avenger movies!!


Next football coach at USC!!  


Next football coach at LSU!!


Next football coach at Bixby!!


Next Play-by-play voice of the Blackwell Maroons!!


Opens up the first Californian combo Bed and Breakfast with Cannabis Bakery!!  Makes millions!  Again!!


Hired by Grumpy Saban at Bama to be an assistant offensive analyst to the assistant special team's coach!!


B in Ts Top 5 Extreme Haunted Houses-


McArney House - 12 Stephenson Rd, Summertown, TN – One of the most haunted attractions in America in which the main location was forcefully shut down in San Diego but reopened in Tennessee!!  The 2019 reopening location was so secretive that only the employees and the CIA knew the location!!


Blackout - New York City -  Considered the first Extreme Haunted House which was created in 2006!!  Very controversial and you must sign a 200-page contract and pass numerous stress tests before you are put on a list to maybe get picked to have blood poured on you!!  I will stick to the neighborhood variety haunted houses!!


Heretic House - 5216 N Albina Ave, Portland, OR – Explore themes such as claustrophobia, sleep paralysis or the intrinsic horror of being alone in a cabin in the woods!!  This spookhouse once was sued for making a man wee wee in his Hagar slacks!!


Terror Behind the Walls - 2027 Fairmount Avenue, Philadelphia, PA – Terror Behind the Walls takes place at the Eastern State Penitentiary, a very creepy setting. And you have a choice: a traditional experience, in which actors aren’t allowed to touch you, or one in which you allow yourself to be touched!!  Recently the police were called when a middle-aged man touched himself!!!


The Basement - 12909 Foothill Blvd, Sylmar, CA – The Basement prides itself on being the scariest escape room around!!  Once a soccer mom entered the escape room and NEVER came out!!!  True Shat!!


Revelations from TU Homecoming:


The Tulsa football team can play some good football!!  Season half over football projections:

-6-6 record 

-TU will receive an Invitation to the Canibus Chinchilla Bowl in Jamaica!

-The Hurricane mascot has scared so many toddlers that he is banned at the Family Fun Zone during the remaining football games!!

-Oklahoma’s Spencer Rattler will transfer to TU and lead the Hurricane to the Conference Championship in 2022!

-Old Lambda Chi alums can no longer drink and smoke like they once surmised they could!!

-My alum brothers discovered that the Lipsticks gentleman club is not the same type of club as the Celebrity Club!!

Lipsticks Club has a 10$ cover charge and Celebrity Club has none, 8$ for a glass of beer at Lipsticks Club, and 3.50 for Celebrity Club, and finally NO chicken caesar salad at Lipsticks!!  Also, the Celebrity Club waitresses do NOT sit in the customer's lap!!  Very confusing having these two clubs 3 blocks apart!!


Big 12 Rumors:


The Commissioner of the Big 12 is considering the following teams for expansion to a 16 team power 5 conference! 


Memphis - Penny Hardaway 

Boise State - blue turf will be green if  Boise wants the green cash in Big 16

SMU - top-class male cheerleaders

Bixby - very good imaging deals (NIL)

Tulsa - newer downtown area plus The Gathering Place is top park in the USA

Harvard - simply to offset Memphis’ GPA


Trevor Gipson TU Chicago Bears - The Dude is Quicker than Quick!!


The Bears have their next Richard Dent speed pass rusher in #99 Trevor Gipson from Tulsa!!  He continues to steadily impress the league with his quickness to the QB from the EDGE!!  An edge pass rusher is a fairly new term given to a hybrid DE and linebacker combo with 4.4 to 4.6 speed that chases QBs all day and night!!


B in T College Picks:


Oklahoma 62 at Kansas 13

QB Rattler played the first half and freshman QB Caleb Williams played the second half!!  Each player will play a half-game per their renewed NIL agreements and cannot throw for more than 296 yards per game - per player!  


Iowa State 31 Oklahoma State 28

The Clones kicker was just recruited off of the women's soccer team after the 2 scholarship kickers were suspended for selling cocaine!!  This young lady was recruited from Geneva, Sweden where she was rated number 1 in the world in clogging!!  She is a top soccer goalie at Iowa State and the young Swede kicked the winning field goal against the Cowboys!!  Thanks, Hilga!!


Arkansas 56 Arkansas Pine Bluff 3

I am not certain why this game is being played but I feel obligated to report the truth and the truth is Ark. Pine Bluff needs a million-dollar pay-off from the hogs to pay off last year's covid deficit! 


Ohio State 45 at Indiana 24

The Buckeyes are peeking at the right time and Indiana is sucking at the usual time!!  The Buckeye stud QB CJ Stroud completed 14 passes in a row and took his linemen out to all u can eat pancakes at IHOP on I 35!!  


Texas A&M 48 South Carolina 14

Some of the A&M Yell Squad members were disciplined for yelling too loud in class and at the student mess hall!!  The yelling caused a massive food fight similar to the movie ‘Animal House’!!  


Boston College 38 at Louisville 31

The BC Eagles are knocking on the door of the top 25 and are having one of their best years!  BC QB Dennis Grosel is stepping in as the starter after an injury to QB Phil Jurcovec!!  


Kansas State 38 at Texas Tech 28

The Wildcats strolled into Red Raider land and showed the home team how to play hard-nosed country football!  Instead of stomping a cloud of dust, the Cats were stomping a clump of ground-up tennis shoes!!  


Notre Dame 27 USC 21

This classic brings back memories of OJ Simpson running over Gold helmets like Hertz Rent Car suitcases!!  So-Cal keeps trying to play with the big boys to no avail!  Look for Urban Meyer to take the USC job when fired at Jacksonville!!


Penn State 38 Illinois 24

Nitanny Lion coach Franklin is in line for a large number of College and Pro jobs!!  Coach Franklin hath better slay the dragons in his castle first!!  Chants of bring back Lovie were heard in the Illini section XXZZ!!


B in T High School Picks:


PUMPKIN MAN ATTENDS BISHOP KELLEY HOMECOMING!!

The BK crowd goes berserk when Pumpkin Man arrives with 1500 candy chocolate mini footballs!!  The chocolate sugar rush simply offset any notion of the chocolate being spiked with green stuff!!  

Bishop Kelley 52 East Central 12

BK is peaking at the right time!!  


Blackwell 27 at Chisolm 12

Blackwell could be looking at a 3 win season!!  The chatter around the Blackwell's Hubbard Road Thanksgiving 🍗 table will be jovial this year!!

Mom O Meter  Chisolm moms .987. Blackwell moms .980

The Chisolm Trail was where Longhorn steers by the thousands herded to a better land!!  The Chisolm team nickname was derived from the longhorns!!  Sooo the Chisolm moms created a large lead by winning the quilting contest!!  The Longhorn moms quilted a super quilt the size of a loaded semi!!  Winner winner Chicken Dinner!!

B in T Diner of the Week:

Callahan's Pub and Grill - Edmond, 220 North Independence Street 

IPA Beer out the wazoo!  The world’s best wings using batter from Scottland!!  A Leprechaun was spotted in Callahan’s in 1994 but has now been classified as an urban legend!!  No proof of the sighting has been documented!  No cell phone pictures!  No proof!


Holland Hall 54 Jay 6

The Jay Bulldogs scored first and never again, while the HH offense started clicking when QB Kordell Goodspeed started throwing darts against the Bulldog secondary!!


Broken Arrow 36 at Edmond Sante Fe 35

Both teams are trying to host a playoff game and winning this game could solidify their position!!  The BA busses were given a police escort through the rough Edmond areas where Friday mall traffic can be deadly!!


Jenks 48 at Yukon 21

The Jenks Mom's Spirit Squad bus was pulled over by the OHPD when water balloons were seen thrown out at Yukon fans!!


Bixby 70 Muskogee 7

You can insert the 70 to 7 score to all of the Bixby games and be dang near spot on!!  


Cushing 38 Blanchard 30

Friday afternoon Future Farmers of America awards ceremony 🏆 is not copasetic with Friday night lights!!  Players at the FFA awards were running late to the game and the Tigers used the Freshman kickoff team to start the game!!  Chicks dig FFA football players!!

KICK ARSE NUMBER 10 LB!!


B in T Pro Picks:


Browns 35 Broncos 17

Browns de horseshoe the Broncos as the Brown fans pre-purchase their playoff tickets for 2021 and 2022!!


Titans 27 Chiefs 21

The Chiefs should make the playoffs and a unicorn with the ‘Rock’ riding on top spitting fire bombs out his buttocks will take over the world!!


Cardinals 42 Texans 24

Cardinal QB Kyler Murray has a 78% completion rate which is number 1 in the NFL!!  Cardinal Wideout DeAndre Hopkins and QB Murray are tight and at times finish each other's sentences!!


Buccaneers 37 Bears 21

The Bears have not defeated the Bucs since ex-TU QB Jeb Blount was at the helm of the 1-13 Bucs in the 70s!!  Everyone including the Bears defeated the Bucs that year!!


Have a great sports week!!


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